Poison & Wine
by Relena for President
Summary: After 10 years of marriage, Heero and Relena are embroiled in a crisis that jeopardizes the life they've fought to build together. Is this where their fated love story comes to a heartbreaking end? A 'Civil Wars' redux/rewrite.
1. Pressing Flowers

**Chapter One: Pressing Flowers**

_You and I_

_We're just pressing flowers_

_They're dying_

_But they're ours_

– _The Civil Wars, "Pressing Flowers"_

"Champagne?"

"Please." Relena Yuy accepted the flute that the server proffered from his tray full of identical glasses. The pale, effervescent liquid appeared to dance inside the glasses as they caught the light from the dozens of chandeliers that sparkled down on them.

She smiled faintly at the young uniformed man until he moved on to the next guest, then allowed her face to fall the second his back was turned. She wasn't in the mood to keep up appearances.

She was in the mood to drink.

Relena limited herself to a socially-acceptable draw, then lowered her glass demurely in front of her breast, forcing a smile any time she happened to make eye contact with a colleague. She did her best not to look at any one person for too long, hoping to avoid the dreaded vortex of small talk and idle chit chat.

God, how he had rubbed off on her. As she sipped more bubbly, she reflected that it was probably not a good thing. For someone in her position, _definitely_ not. Another colleague swept by, so she forced yet another smile, all the while fighting back the tears that kept threatening to make an unscheduled appearance. She needed to remain professional at all times. She needed to–

_Breathe. Breathe…_

There he was, filling the room as suddenly as if he'd appeared out of thin air. Tall, dark, imposing, still unfairly, devilishly handsome. In fifteen years, he had changed so little. And yet so many other things had. _She_ had changed, irrevocably.

His sapphire eyes scanned the room and she knew, any second, without fail, they would fall on her. Actually, she thought it quite impossible that she had somehow spotted him first. The unlikeliness of _that_ was enough to make her snort in laughter. Except there was so little to laugh about these days.

And so, with nothing remotely resembling a plan forming in her champagne-addled brain, Relena did the only sensible thing she could to avoid falling into an altogether different vortex… a much more painful one. She turned around and pretended she hadn't seen him at all. She was met by a sea of much more bland, benign faces, and as she continued to sip her drink and wander through the chattering crowd, she congratulated herself for being somewhat successful at avoiding him.

But she knew better than to think she could get away that easily. Even as she moved further away, she could feel his eyes on her back, tracking her every move. Even if he didn't want to, it was ingrained, she was sure. After all, it was his job– _was_ being the operative word.

Relena half-expected to turn around and find Heero following her. But when she chanced a look over her shoulder and quickly glanced about the ballroom, he was nowhere to be found. She felt a wash of relief. Perhaps he, too, decided it would be better to make himself scarce. Of course, it would behoove the both of them to avoid causing a scene. Which Relena had every intention of doing. Or, rather, not doing…

"Relena?"

Her head whipped around to see who was calling her. Thankfully, it wasn't him; _that_ voice was so distinct, it could wake her from the dead.

Instead, she turned to find a young man dressed in a tuxedo – probably some diplomat's assistant – smiling at her and gesturing toward the stage in the center of the room.

"I believe they're ready for your speech," he said, the smile never leaving his face. Relena nodded and followed after the young man, grateful he hadn't called her "Ms. Relena" or "Ms. Darlian" "Foreign Minister Darlian" or, worse, "Mrs. Yuy." But she'd gotten most of the foreign affairs staff out of the habit of using formal titles long ago. One of her goals as Foreign Minister was to have everyone treated as equals, and banishing bothersome titles was a simple but effective first step.

"My speech…" she mused, tapping a finger to her chin. Her other hand still clutched her champagne flute. "Oh, right. My _speech_."

Relena climbed the short flight of steps up to the stage, wobbling a bit in her stilettos. The assistant noticed and quickly cupped her elbow to steady her.

"Oops… I knew if I chose this gown there'd be a good chance I'd trip!" Relena giggled and managed to sweep up the hem of her long dress with her hand without missing another step. The young man offered up another smile as he led her up the stage.

"That would be tricky to navigate in, I imagine," he said gamely. But Relena wondered if he could tell how tipsy she was… was she that obvious? As she approached the podium, she tried to recollect how many she'd had… surely no more than two? Maybe three?

Relena set her glass down gingerly on the podium, noticing a pen on the wooden surface. She angled the glass toward the microphone, picked up the pen and starting dinging the glass. The high-pitched sound pierced the air, and the microphone screeched with not-so-pleasant feedback. Relena looked up and, sure enough, all eyes were on her. She set the pen down, straightened the mic, and giggled.

"Sorry about that," she said with a shrug, plastering on the brightest smile she could possibly fabricate. She wondered idly if she looked all right; hopefully her hair wasn't mussed, and her lipstick was still in place. She quickly wet her lips and pursed them together, then lifted a hand to hair, sweeping back a loose strand.

_God, Relena, don't be such a spaz, _she chided herself. How many times had she given speeches just like this? It shouldn't be so hard.

Except, at the moment, she couldn't remember what the speech was _for_, exactly. She knew she was at… some event. A fancy one, too, or so the impeccably-dressed audience indicated. Obviously, it was a black tie… gala, of sorts? A benefit, maybe? Relena frowned, searching her mind, but everything came up fuzzy. _Now_ she was slightly worried. Surely she wasn't drunk enough to forget where she was?

She realized too late that she was standing there just smiling and not speaking. And the entire room was watching her, waiting.

_Shit._

* * *

Heero could see that Relena was struggling, and it was enough to make his blood pressure rise. From his vantage point on the balcony, he could just make out the beads of perspiration dotting her hairline. His chest filled with a familiar ache. How he longed to rush to her and rescue her from any further embarrassment, but he knew approaching her at this moment would only humiliate her more.

Not that she would have accepted his attentions, anyway.

So Heero shrank back from the balcony ledge in defeat, although he kept one arm draped loosely over the railing, trying to appear casual. Anyone in the audience who recognized him would assume he was nonchalantly watching his wife give yet another speech– one of hundreds in their years together. There were few people there who really knew him, though, or what his marriage to Relena was actually like.

Heero winced inwardly as he watched Relena fumbling over her words, although she did so graciously. She was poised and gifted, even while inebriated. He was worried about her drinking, more worried about the reason for it, and concerned for her carefully-crafted public image. No doubt her publicist would be hounding her later… But knowing Relena, she would handle the situation with aplomb. Even now, her nervous giggles were more endearing than cringe-worthy. But Heero knew her laughter and smiles were false. He wished that weren't the case, wished he could turn back time to when her joy was genuine.

More than anything, he wished he could storm that stage, gather her into his arms and kiss her like there was no tomorrow. The slinky evening gown she wore wasn't helping matters; the way the sheer fabric clung to her shapely body was _killing_ him. He hadn't been able to take his eyes off her all evening, although that would have been the case if she'd shown up to the gala wearing a burlap sack.

He loved her, _needed _her, now more than ever.

And he missed her like crazy.

Heero frowned and chugged back what remained of his champagne, his eyes never leaving the gorgeous figure on the stage below. The figure who was all but a phantom to him, now.

Relena cleared her throat delicately, beaming at her waiting audience. Heero was anxious as the rest of them to hear what, exactly, was going to come out of her beautiful mouth next...

* * *

_A/N: Well, hello, lovelies! It's been a while..._

_I won't offer up excuses for my way-too-long absence, other than to say it's been a crazy year. I'm sure it has been for you, as well. So, please, let's catch up when we can! Drop me a note. How on earth have you been?!_

_I've missed this fandom and have sooo many stories bookmarked that I desperately need to catch up on. I haven't felt much like working on my original stories or fics lately, so I've decided to dive back in to some familiar territory... This story here is basically a rewrite of another one of my fics, Civil Wars. Remember the redux/remix fanfics of yore? Yeah, this is basically... that. :D I've had so many different ideas for this scenario I cooked up for Heero and Relena, and the story has never really let me go. Even if the original fic is just barely hanging on after it went so off the rails (insert crying-laughing emojis here) I'm still committed to sewing up this story, somehow. I hope you'll stick around to see what happens, too. Expect much angst and maybe some fluff? We shall see :D_

_Onward!_

_Love love love, _

_\- RFP_


	2. To Whom It May Concern

**Chapter Two: To Whom It May Concern**

_Why are you so far from me?_

_In my arms is where you ought to be_

_How long will you make we wait?_

_I don't know how much more I can take_

– The Civil Wars, "To Whom It May Concern"

"Thank you, everyone, for coming here today…" Relena started, her eyes darting about the room desperately. Thankfully, they landed on a banner hanging at the back of the room, above a table displaying poster boards and various literature. Even better, there was a giant monitor with images flashing across the screen, mostly of malnourished children, and a nicely-dressed group of adults caring for them. One of them appeared to be a doctor wearing a white lab coat, stethoscope and tortoiseshell eyeglasses.

Relena's smile widened, her confidence building.

"Healing Hearts is a wonderful organization that we at ESUN are so delighted to support," Relena continued smoothly. "As you can see from the literature displayed throughout the room, they do truly wonderful, miraculous work aiding those that are far less fortunate than us." She paused and placed a hand over her heart.

"As a mother, it means so much to me to know how dedicated they are to making a better world for children everywhere, here on Earth and in the colonies. In fact, this is the only non-profit medical organization that travels throughout all of the colonies and Earth sphere."

Relena recalled that fact just in time. Then she remembered she was supposed to be introducing someone– the actual speaker for the evening. Thankfully, his name kept popping up on the video.

"We are so appreciative of this organization's truly stellar work, and to each one of you who has decided to lend your support at tonight's benefit. Please remember, no gift is too small… or too large." Relena paused to smile broadly, and the room rippled in pleasant laughter.

"Now, I would like to turn the microphone over to someone who is much more qualified to talk all about Healing Hearts and the important work they've been doing for decades now."

Relena hoped the man was ready to take the stage; otherwise she was going to have to stand there and continue to improvise… and the only thing she felt she could confidently babble on about – even, no, _especially_ when she was tipsy– was the Mars terraformation project. But this was neither the time nor place for such a speech…

Thankfully, the man from the video appeared at the side of the stage, wearing a well-cut tuxedo instead of a lab coat. He still wore his tortoiseshell glasses, though, and sported a rumpled mop of sandy blond hair, which Relena found oddly endearing. He nodded at her encouragingly, and she swept a hand in his direction.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Dr. Paul Montgomery."

The doctor flashed a grin and bounded up the stage, coming to stand beside Relena. He offered a hand to her and she pressed his in a light handshake. His was firm and sure.

"It's a pleasure to meet you at long last, Foreign Minister Darlian." Relena was not surprised to hear a perfectly clipped British accent. She decided that she didn't mind hearing her title in that voice; hearing anything else might have seemed strange.

"You as well, Dr. Montgomery." She tipped her head at him before stepping to the side, allowing him to take the podium. He gave her another smile and nod before turning his full attention to the audience. Relena smiled gratefully, ready to bound off the stage. But she remembered her long, gauzy gown and held up the skirt, making a somewhat graceful exit.

Realizing she'd left her champagne on the podium, Relena accepted another one from a waiter and did her best to melt into the back of the room. She stayed for Dr. Montgomery's entire presentation, knowing there would be a toast at the end, so she refrained from sipping her bubbly until everyone else in the room had their glasses raised.

The presentation ended and the room shifted back into gala mode. The air around Relena filled with the sounds of voices chattering away amid the pleasant harmonies from the string quartet plucking away at their instruments.

Suddenly noticing that she was starving, Relena took advantage of the din to slip into the kitchen. Luckily, she happened to know the chef catering tonight's event...

* * *

They'd all gone soft after the war. Heero knew it, and feared the rest of the world knew it, too. Which was a terrifying thought. He had a hard enough time keeping his team of former soldiers in line, even those he had relied on since he was fifteen years old.

"Where is Mother Dove?" he grumbled into his walkie. If Relena ever caught wind of this particular Preventer codename for her, Heero knew she would blow a gasket. She used to be referred to as "Little Dove," but that name had been reassigned to their daughter…

Heero didn't like the answer that came in his earpiece, in the form of a rather sarcastic quip. "You mean _you_ don't know?"

He gritted his teeth and waited a beat before answering. "She is no longer my responsibility. But _you_ should have eyes on her at all times. So. Where. Is. She."

The answering chuckle only set him more on edge. "I know where she is. Relax."

Heero was going to throttle his colleague later, friends or no. "Then go there. Stop dicking around."

There was no verbal response after that, but Heero could see his fellow Preventer making a beeline for the back of the ballroom. Heero _should_ have allowed himself to relax then, but couldn't. He realized, as he watched the black-clad agent disappear into the throng, that it wasn't his friend he was annoyed with so much as himself. Once again, Relena had managed to give him the slip, and Heero had managed to let her.

Heero jammed a hand through his unruly dark hair, coming closer to sighing out loud than he had in a long time. He was uncharacteristically distracted. Distracted by _her_, by the status of their relationship, by her goddamned see-through dress… But he couldn't let his frayed nerves get the best of him. He needed to find her and speak with her. Even if she was avoiding him, which was painfully apparent, enough was enough.

She was his _wife_. And he wasn't going to let her go without a fight. Even if tonight could turn out to be his very last stand… so be it. He owed it to himself, to her _and _their daughter, to try one last time.

He let out a breath he'd been holding for far too long, keeping his eyes trained to a set of swinging doors in a far corner of the ballroom. He had a sneaking suspicion where his wife had gone, but would wait for his colleague to confirm her location before making his move.

And after that, he was determined to never lose sight of her again.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you to everyone who has favorited, followed and reviewed this story so far; I really appreciate your feedback and enthusiasm. It's wonderful to be back! Every time you respond to something I've written, I do my best to soak in all the good vibes and warm, fuzzy feelings. Now I'd like to promise to give you the same, but this story may be short on the warm fuzzies for a little while... If you've read the original _Civil Wars_, then you'll know what I mean. But I hope you'll stick with me on this one. Fingers crossed I can keep up the momentum for the immediate future..._

_Thank you again for all your support!_

_Love love love, _

_\- RFP_


	3. Dust to Dust

**Chapter Three: Dust to Dust**

_All your acting, your thin disguise_

_All your perfectly delivered lines_

_They don't fool me_

_You've been lonely too long_

– The Civil Wars, "Dust to Dust"

"Vi! Thank God," Relena exclaimed as a pair of heavy metal doors swung shut behind her, esconcing her in the kitchen.

"Hey, lady, lookin' good!" Violet Wilshire grinned at Relena from her chef's station, wiping her hands on a towel before making her way over to her. The rest of the kitchen staff rushed around them, assistant cooks loading up plates and servers swanning in and out of the swinging doors, filling up or depositing their trays.

The petite redhead looked adorable in her white chef's outfit and hat covering her stylish pixie haircut. She'd kept her hair short as long as Relena had known her, and she couldn't blame the woman; it flattered her heart-shaped face perfectly.

"Your dress is _gorgeous_," Violet pronounced, stepping back to admire Relena's ensemble. Relena laughed and gave a little curtsy.

"Why, thank you." She was happy with her selection, although the long, fitted gown with its black chiffon overlay was a sharp departure from her usual style. While it was fully lined with a nude satin slip, the dress appeared to be sheer. That, along with its low-cut, sweetheart neckline, left much less to the imagination than Relena was accustomed to revealing. But when she first spotted the dress in a fashion runway report, she knew she had to have it, and the designer was more than happy to send it to her.

"I never see you in black, but I love it," Violet said.

Relena shrugged one shoulder. "Well, it is a black tie gala, you know?"

"You're lucky you get to dress up…" The chef grimaced, tugging at her work uniform.

"Ah, but you love doing these events, don't you?" Relena gestured around the bustling kitchen.

Violet's eyes lit up. "Absolutely! The money's fantastic. And I have you to thank for helping me land high-profile gigs like these."

Relena waved a hand. "Oh, stop… It's your own amazing talent that has brought you so much notoriety. You deserve it."

"Yes, but if I hadn't catered your wedding years ago, who knows where I'd be now?" Violet's smile rapidly faded, her nose crinkling in the process. "Has it really been ten years, already?"

"Eleven in June," Relena said softly.

"Wow, so Ellie's turning eleven this year, too?" Vi's eyes widened as Relena nodded. "Goodness. How time flies."

"Mm." Relena pressed her lips together. The timing of her wedding and Ellie's birth were not so far apart; the young politician knew it was obvious to everyone why she and Heero married when they did. Relena always maintained that they would have gotten married, eventually; just not at nineteen years old, which had been far from ideal. At the time, she hadn't cared; she was positively giddy about officially starting their lives together. And when Ellie arrived in November that year, Relena truly believed she could never be happier, that her life with Heero could never be so perfect, so complete.

It turned out she had been right.

Vi tilted her head to the side, fixing Relena with a look that was far too perceptive for comfort.

"And how are you and Heero doing these days?" The question was innocuous enough, but Relena wouldn't have been surprised if her friend suspected something. She'd tried to keep things quiet, but after everything that had happened over the past few months, rumors were bound to fly.

"We're doing great," Relena said breezily. "We'll have to be sure to order one of your cakes for our anniversary. But for now… can we talk about your award-winning truffle mac and cheese?" Relena batted her eyes hopefully. "You wouldn't happen to have any more, would you? I missed it when it was being passed around earlier."

Violet laughed. "Don't worry, darling, I made enough to feed an army! Have a seat; I'll be right back." The chef swept back to her station and Relena glanced about, failing to find any place to actually sit. Although there was a bit of counter space that wasn't covered with pots and pans and trays… Relena hopped up and watched as her friend returned with a steaming plate of creamy pasta.

"Oooh…" Relena smiled appreciatively at Vi and accepted the plate. "This looks delicious… and what are the green bits? Parsley and scallions?"

"Kale and leeks," Vi replied, grinning. "It elevates the dish a bit, don't you think?"

Relena took her time savoring her first bite before answering. "Heavenly." She quickly tucked in for another serving. "I don't think I eat nearly enough truffles, you know…"

"Nor would you want to," Vi said with a laugh.

"Oh, I beg to differ…" It was all Relena could do to keep from swooning, which made Vi laugh harder.

"What do we have here?"

Relena was so lost in her savory meal, she hadn't noticed anyone else approaching her corner of the kitchen. She looked up in dismay at the owner of the low baritone.

"Well, you've caught me out again, Trowa Barton." Relena sighed and shook her head. "You never let me get away with anything, do you?"

Trowa didn't bother answering her. "Are you drunk?" he asked, his neutral expression belying the intrusive question.

"No," Relena scoffed while Vi looked on in amusement. "What makes you think _that_?"

"Perhaps because you're sitting on a filthy kitchen counter in a ball gown, eating macaroni and cheese like it's the last meal you'll ever have," Trowa said pointedly. Relena thought she caught the slightest twinkle in his eye, but it vanished before she could be sure.

"Hey!" Vi whirled on him, balling her hands at her sides. "My kitchen is _not _filthy."

"I meant no offense," Trowa said simply. When he offered nothing more, Vi rolled her eyes and began to stomp away.

"Your bodyguards are all such characters," she said to Relena over her shoulder. "Give my love to Heero and Ellie, will you?"

"I will," Relena called, raising her plate. "Thank you for dinner!"

Vi waved a hand as she returned to her working area. "Nonsense. Any time."

Relena returned her attention to her meal, fully aware that Trowa continued to stand there, staring at her. "What?" she asked after a minute.

He folded his arms over his chest. "Do you intend to hide back here the rest of the night?"

"Maybe." Relena paused to chew and swallow. "I mean, can you blame me? Have you _tried_ Vi's famous mac and cheese?"

Trowa's gaze flickered. Obviously, he could tell she was dodging his real question. "No," he said flatly.

Relena grinned and held the plate out to Trowa. "Want some?"

He shook his head once. "No, thank you."

"Suit yourself, then."

"I prefer not to share food."

"That's right. I forget what a germaphobe you are," Relena teased.

"No, I'm not. Just…" Trowa leaned his back against the counter, his arms still crossed over his chest as he looked down at Relena's plate. "I find eating off of someone else's fork disgusting."

Relena laughed, finding his squeamishness highly amusing. "Ellie and I share food all the time."

"That's different," Trowa said. "You're related."

"So you don't share with your sister?"

He all but snorted. "No."

"Barton…" Relena nudged him with her elbow. "You need to live a little."

"Really." He sounded incredulous, for someone who was so monotone most of the time. "You _do_ know who you're talking to, right?"

Relena grinned up at him. "So you'll walk a tightrope and dodge knives and pilot giant autonomous weapons, but you _won't_ eat off of the same fork as someone el–"

"Fine." Trowa reached over and snatched the fork from her hand, then proceeded to spear a decent portion of noodles for himself. Relena watched in giddy fascination as he ate.

"Well?"

"It's good." Trowa handed the fork back to her, and Relena would have clapped in glee, if her hands weren't already full.

"See? I knew you'd love it. Now help me finish; it's too much."

"If you insist."

After a few minutes, the two had devoured the rest of the dish, and Relena felt much fuller and happier than she had been all evening. She'd felt the need to starve herself all day to ensure her snug dress would zip up; now, she didn't really care. She rested a hand on her belly and smiled lazily up at Trowa.

"That was _so _good…"

"Ready to get back out there?" Her bodyguard was no-nonsense, as usual. Relena heaved a deep sigh.

"Not really, no…"

"Well, you can't stay hidden all night."

"Why not?" Relena splayed her hands. "I doubt anyone would miss me. The event is winding down, anyway…"

Trowa's eyes narrowed. "If we don't return to the party, Heero will come looking for you himself. And I know you don't want that," he added gently, although his gaze was sharp and assessing. Annoyingly so.

Relena frowned and flicked a stray piece of pasta off of her lap. "Right…"

"I don't need him lecturing me. He's still my boss," Trowa reminded her. As if she needed a reminder.

"I understand," Relena said sullenly. "I wouldn't want him scolding you for 'catering to my whims.'"

She'd heard the lecture, too. Far too many times. And it wasn't just about Trowa; any one of the rotating Preventers in her detail had a tendency to let her call the shots– even if it meant disobeying Heero's orders, slightly. Which were far too draconian in the first place, in Relena's opinion. But Heero had the nerve to say she "steamrolled" the others. Well. Relena thought _he_ had a lot of nerve, in general…

But while Quatre Winner, during the rare times he actually took Preventer work, tended to pity her plight, and Duo Maxwell was all too happy to be her partner in crime, Trowa Barton was not one to be steamrolled. Before Relena could sputter another word of protest, he was steering her out of the kitchen, back into the crowded ballroom.

Unfortunately, the party was still in full swing. Lively music from the string quartet filled the air, and a surprising number of guests were dancing. Relena shot a panicked look to Trowa.

"What?" He frowned down at her. "I thought you liked to dance?"

"I used to." Relena closed her eyes as memories flooded her mind, most more bitter than sweet. Now, even the sweetest ones were tainted.

But she didn't have time to ruminate on her heartache. And anyway, she was tired of ruminating, tired of seething, grieving, feeling... she was plain _tired._ She wanted to go home, peel off her constricting gown and crawl into bed, but knew full well how an early exit would look– like she was defeated. She needed to be stronger.

And so, when Relena saw Dr. Montgomery approaching, she squared her shoulders back, raised her head high and smiled warmly at him.

"Dr. Montgomery… That was a wonderful speech you gave tonight."

"Ah, you're too kind, Miss Darlian." He dipped into a slight bow. "After all," he added, his eyes twinkling at her, "I had a very tough act to follow."

"Actually, it's 'Mrs.'" Relena corrected him gently, feeling her cheeks flame. "Mrs. Yuy."

She watched as the doctor's eyes drifted to her left hand, although her ring finger was bare. "I'm sorry," he said stiffly. "I failed to notice you were married… Don't you go by Darlian, professionally?"

"That's all right; it's an easy mistake. Many still know me as a Darlian or a Peacecraft. But around here, it's just 'Yuy,'" Relena explained, her flush darkening. Why did saying _his_ name ache? Even though, technically, it was still her name, too?

"Well… your husband wouldn't mind if I asked for a dance, would he?" Dr. Montgomery looked to Trowa, and Relena laughed.

"This is Trowa, my bodyguard." She was relieved that Heero still kept a low enough profile that people outside of Brussels didn't recognize him– as her husband, the Preventers commander, or the legendary Gundam Pilot 01.

Relena grinned up at Trowa. "You don't mind, do you?" she teased.

"Not at all," Trowa said, giving a careless shrug to match his non-committal expression. "Enjoy."

Dr. Montgomery offered his arm to Relena. She took it with a smile, leaning over to whisper conspiratorially to him as he led her onto the dance floor. "He'll be watching like a hawk."

"Who?" His brows arched behind his glasses. "Your bodyguard, or your husband?"

Relena laughed without humor. "Both."

* * *

_A/N: Hi, friends! Happy Monday Funday... is that a thing? Well, it is now :P __I've decided to continue posting new chapters of this story on Mondays, for the time being, because Mondays are blah and this makes them less "blah" for me. I hope your Mondays are less blah, now, too. :D _

_So this chapter was a fun one to write, since it provides a bit of levity to an otherwise heavy story. I nearly cut it out for that very reason. In fact, a good editor would probably tell me it belongs in my "brain dump" doc, where I literally dump scenes that either weren't working or didn't fit with the greater arc of the story. So in order to make this one fit, it means our buddy Trowa here will have to play a significant role in the plot... I hope y'all don't mind ;) Those of you who are familiar with my body of work know that I have a hard time keeping Gundam Pilot 03 out of my stories in general, and an even tougher time not giving him top billing. He's just so mysterious and irresistible, amirite? WAHHH. CAN'T. ANYWAY._

_Will Trowa's mere presence derail any hope of a 1xR reconciliation? You'll have to follow and find out! Sorry. I'm mean. ;)_

_Hugs!_

_\- RFP_


	4. Burn It Down

**Chapter Four: Burn It Down**

_Let me in the wall you've built around_

_We can light a match and burn it down_

_Let me hold your hand and dance _

_Round and round the flames in front of us_

_Dust to dust_

– The Civil Wars, "Dust to Dust"

Heero Yuy was not, by nature, a jealous man. But seeing Relena in the arms of another, however briefly, was more than enough to trip his possessive side these days.

He reminded himself to think rationally. It was only dancing, and it was part of her job; she hadn't agreed to dance with this doctor what's-his-name because she liked him or was attracted to him or anything…

Heero's eyes narrowed in on the older man currently leading Relena onto the dance floor. Her head tipped back as she laughed at something the man was whispering in her ear.

And Heero went from slightly irritated to seething.

His gaze shot over to Barton, who stood on the periphery of the dance floor, keeping a close eye on his charge. Heero trusted his second to intervene the moment the other man got too close to Relena, but then Trowa wasn't wired to respond to her the way Heero was. The other Preventer had never been married, so Heero couldn't count on him to know where he was coming from when it came to seeing other men handle his wife.

Heero had to work to slow his breathing as he continued to watch his wife with the doctor. He didn't _want_ to watch, knowing Relena's safety was no longer his job, even if it would always be his top priority. He'd rather leave Trowa to the task; the former Heavyarms pilot was second in command of the Preventers for a reason. He was more than capable of fulfilling his bodyguard duties, even if the part-time circus performer was a bit cavalier for Heero's tastes. Then again, no one could ever take the matter of Relena's safety as seriously as Heero.

And right now, it was taking every ounce of his self-control to keep from stomping over to his wife and yanking her out of the doctor's grasp. Relena's hand was on the other man's forearm, and it was enough to have Heero seeing red.

_How dare he touch her._

Heero knew nothing of this other man. He appeared to be harmless. Normal, clean-cut… boring, even. And yet this guy, who had to be at least ten years older than Heero's 29-year-old wife, was apparently showing her the time of her life.

Unconsciously, the Preventer commander's hand drifted to his side, gripping the gun he kept holstered there. His heart was beating at a rapid-fire pace, threatening to burst from his chest. The feel of his familiar weapon calmed him some, but he had to convince himself that making a scene would not be worth it. He still needed to regain Relena's trust, and that was mission critical.

Even if it killed him.

Reluctantly, Heero tore himself away from his perch on the balcony, stealing a final glance of Relena and the man who had captured her attention before heading down the stairs. As he made his descent, Heero swore he felt another piece of himself die inside, dwindling down to embers. And yet, somewhere in the ashes, in whatever was left of his heart and soul, a new fire threatened to rage...

* * *

A new song was just beginning as Relena and her distinguished-looking dance partner drifted onto the floor. Relena was grateful it was a waltz– not too fast, not too slow. The doctor took one of her hands in his and placed his other hand at her waist, careful, she noticed, not to grasp her too tightly. He kept a respectful distance that Relena immediately appreciated. She, in turn, lightly placed her free hand on his shoulder and allowed him to lead her into the familiar steps.

_One-two-three… One-two-three…_

The doctor was clearly talented in several areas, if his dancing prowess was any indication. He guided Relena smoothly across the floor, never missing a beat. Relena couldn't help but smile as he lifted her slightly with each turn. She was practically dancing on air...

"So, Dr. Montgomery…" She couldn't help but notice her dance partner was quite handsome, in a slightly older, professorial way.

"Please. Call me Paul," he said with a kind smile. He had kind eyes, too, although in the low lighting of the ballroom, their color was difficult to discern. Hazel, maybe…

"All right. Paul." Relena tried the name on her tongue. It was so pedestrian compared to her own name and that of so many in her inner circle. She decided she liked that about him. Simple, uncomplicated… but was he?

"So, Paul…" There was no use in beating around the bush when she was genuinely curious. "Are you married?"

"Divorced," he answered, looking and sounding much cheerier than Relena would have expected.

"Oh, I'm so sorry…" she started, but Paul was shaking his head.

"Don't be. It's a _very_ good thing. Trust me."

Relena nodded, wondering how that could possibly be a good thing when to her it seemed the most devastating thing in all the world. Unless he truly loathed his ex-wife… She could understand that level of loathing, to an extent. But in her experience, the pain and sadness far outweighed the anger… although when it did, on occasion, rear its ugly head, it burned hotter and fiercer than any fire.

"My husband and I are separated," she blurted before she could stop herself. She realized that Heero could be watching them from somewhere, and that if he was, he would catch every word. After all, he could read lips.

Paul's mouth turned down. "I'm sorry." He squeezed her hand in his. And then it was too late for Relena to blink back the tears that sprang to her eyes.

"Thank you," she whispered. She didn't know what else to say. It was all still so raw.

"Well, if you ever need to talk to someone who has survived the absolute worst of marriages, and come out the other side, still relatively intact…" Paul loosed a low chuckle. "Actually, I've been hoping to meet with you sometime to discuss something else entirely, if you wouldn't mind… I would love to pick your brain."

"Oh?" Relena's interest was piqued, and she was grateful for the distraction. "What about?"

"It's a project I've been working on… Would you care to have dinner sometime?"

Paul's directness took her aback, but he seemed genuine. "I… sure," Relena found herself saying, much to her own surprise. "Do you have a card?"

He handed it to her as the dance ended, but Relena realized she had nowhere to put it, as her wispy dress didn't come with any pockets. Paul immediately noticed her plight, and the two shared an awkward laugh as she handed the card back to him.

"Shall I just stop by your office, then?"

"Yes, that would be fine," Relena said. "How about Monday morning?"

"That would be delightful."

They parted ways with a handshake that was only slightly less awkward, and Relena floated back over to Trowa. As usual, she was hard-pressed to read his expression as he glimpsed down at her through his curtain of bangs.

"Don't even say it, Barton," she warned, planting her hands at her hips.

He didn't even blink. "I wasn't going to say anything."

"Good. I've had enough fun for one night… Can we go now?"

"Fine by me."

Trowa moved to step behind Relena, placing his hand at the small of her back. With her bodyguard on her six, Relena strode confidently toward the large, ornate set of doors that signaled her freedom.

As two uniformed door men held the doors open, Relena breathed a deep sigh of relief. Blessedly, she had managed to go the whole night avoiding the one person she didn't want to run into most, and… well. One other person. But she had been fortunate to escape an unpleasant encounter with either one of them, and meanwhile made a brilliant new acquaintance who was _actually_ pleasant, and–

She and Trowa had barely crossed the threshold when her heart stopped.

Heero stood in the foyer, his back to them, speaking into his security headset. His low tones immediately enveloped her, and she stumbled backward. Thankfully, Trowa was there to steady her.

"Easy," he murmured. "It's fine. You're fine."

Relena nodded, coaching herself inwardly. _Breathe. Breathe…_

Maybe they could just slip past him, unnoticed. Trowa could be pretty stealthy, when he wanted to be, right? Relena's hopes lifted, but were instantly dashed when Heero turned around. Of _course_ he would notice her– anywhere, always. He was just wired that way.

And as always, his gaze had her ensnared.

"Relena."

"Heero."

Saying his name was an involuntary response; the mere sound of his voice was the trigger. And clearly, he saw her accidental greeting as an invitation. Heero quickly made his way over to Relena and Trowa, reaching them in a few short strides. Relena glanced warily at her bodyguard, but Trowa showed no signs of the anxiety she felt. Meanwhile, her heart was hammering in her chest.

How was it she'd felt calmer around him when he'd had a gun pointed at her head?

"Heero, I…" She grasped for something to say, but her throat went dry.

"Can we talk?" he asked. She nearly laughed at the question. What on Earth was there left for them to talk about that they hadn't beaten to death already?

"Why now?" she asked hoarsely.

"Because," Heero said, taking another step forward. "There are things we need to discuss."

Relena held up a hand. "I have nothing more to say to you. Anything you want to discuss can be handled through our lawyers."

She was partially surprised to see Heero's pained expression. How could mere words wound him, after what he'd done to her?

"We can handle this without lawyers," he said.

"That may be," Relena countered, "but I don't want to."

She watched as Heero registered this, sorrow briefly flickering across his features, only to be replaced by that indefatigable determination Relena knew so well. "Let me take you home."

Relena shook her head to protest, but Heero was already looking past her. "Barton, you're dismissed."

Relena's mouth fell open. "You can't just do that!"

Trowa stood firm beside her. "If she doesn't want to go with you, then she's not going."

Relena could have kissed him for that. Of course she wouldn't – they were _friends _– but she couldn't help but admire the way he stood up for her. Defying Heero, of all the brazen–

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Heero's lips twitched, his tone full of snark. "I'm your boss. You can't refuse my orders."

Trowa gave Heero a smirk of his own. "I think I just did."

It was jarring to see the two brothers in arms argue over anything, let alone her. But Relena took that as her cue to finally make her exit. Which would be much easier to do, now that the foyer was filling up with other guests heading out into the night. Knowing Heero wanted to keep from making a scene as much as she did, Relena moved to sidestep him.

But as she brushed past him, his hand darted out and snatched her arm. Relena's eyes snapped to his.

"Heero!" she cried, trying to wrench her arm away. But he held on, his grip tight enough to hurt her. Relena could feel Trowa tense behind her, as if he were about to spring into action.

"Let her go, Yuy," he warned, his voice full of ice.

Heero dropped her arm, and Relena scurried past him. She had every intention of avoiding his eyes, but then she couldn't resist glimpsing his face as she passed by him. She immediately wished she hadn't. He had a haunted look about him, his eyes wilder than she had ever seen them. For the first time in a long time, she was legitimately concerned he might do something crazy.

"Relena, please…" Heero's voice was a shattered whisper, but she could still hear it over all of the other voices in the room. "Don't do this."

Relena paused her steps just long enough to look at him over her shoulder, summoning up what remaining gumption she had.

His gaze softened, his eyes showing a glimmer of hope. "Relena…"

She shook her head briskly. "It's too late, Heero… I'm done." Her voice was broken, but she forced the words out anyway. "_We're_ done."

Heero's jaw clenched. "You want to throw away fifteen years? Just like that?"

His words were a fresh slap in the face, but Relena found herself laughing through her tears.

"You already did," she said. And then she turned on her heel and sauntered out of the foyer, her new bodyguard following closely behind.

* * *

_A/N: Ouch, amirite? So whose side are you on so far in this new "civil war"? _

_Happy Friyay, friends! I know I said I was planning to stick to Monday updates, but I couldn't resist posting a bonus chapter today. You guys have been so awesome with your feedback and I'm truly grateful. I do hope you'll enjoy this story as much as _Civil Wars_, if not more so! _

_Speaking of Civil Wars... the band of the same name has heavily inspired the fic with its namesake, this fic, as well as the one-shot _The One That Got Away_. If you are not familiar with the band, I highly recommend looking them up and listening to their catalog as you read this story, or any of the others I've mentioned above... or any of my fics, really. Their work has heavily inspired me over the past four, five years, which is also around when I started becoming more active on here. _

_For those of you who are interested, I've created a playlist just for this story on Spotify. I'll link it below, but since FF is mean with links, you can also find it by adding me on Spotify (Erin Dale Darling) and following my playlist, Poison & Wine._

open . spotify dot com / playlist / 655SXttQBVQ6PAF3vDJ1zB

_ALSO, if you haven't read CW or that one-shot, I consider them supplemental reading to this story, but they are essentially all different timelines within the same universe. In fact, I came across a line in CW that sums up the world of P&W really well: _

"... Heero knew a lot of that was his fault. But then he'd never been great at communicating in general. Maybe if he'd been better... **they might have been able to avoid getting divorced in the first place**."

_Do with that what you will :)_

_Hugs and happy weekend!_

_\- RFP_


	5. Drowning

**Chapter Five: Drowning**

_Haven't you seen me sleepwalking?_

'_Cause I've been holding your hand_

_Haven't you noticed me drifting?_

_Oh, let me tell you, I am_

_Tell me it's nothing_

_Try to convince me_

_That I'm not drowning_

_Oh, let me tell you, I am_

– The Civil Wars, "Falling"

Heero was shaking by the time he reached his apartment. In truth, he'd started shaking hours ago, but he'd just managed to keep the involuntary spasms under control. Doing so had taken nearly all of his energy, and he was ready to collapse. He could barely get his key in the door.

Heero scoffed as he turned the lock and opened the door. A key. Such a primitive form of entry, compared to what he'd grown accustomed to– at the bare minimum, a keypad requiring a PIN; at maximum, an iris scanner. Between the Preventers headquarters and ESUN government building, and the home he'd shared with Relena–

His thoughts stopped there. _Relena. _The shaking had started when he'd first spotted her in the ballroom of the Palais Royale, dressed like revenge, and the only way to make it stop was to drink. Something strong enough to dull the ache that arose every time he thought of her, and intensified any time he saw her. But he couldn't indulge on the job– sure, he could get away with it in his office, behind closed doors, but not out in plain sight. So he'd gritted his teeth and tried to bear his cross for the evening. As soon as he got home, he'd take care of it.

Now his throat was parched, his thoughts consumed by demons he could only chase away with his liquid antidote. He'd be lucky if he could quiet his tortured thoughts enough to sleep, but he'd take whatever relief he could get.

Heero shed his jacket and dropped it onto the orange sofa, the one bright spot in the stark apartment. He could just picture his wife's reaction to it, and it nearly made him chuckle; of course, she would find it hideous. But Heero didn't care; it had come with the flat. So did the rest of the furniture, including a brown leather armchair that clashed with the couch, and a few wooden bar stools clustered around the kitchen island. There was no table for dining and no dining room; the small unit had an open floor plan, apart from the single bedroom and bathroom. All Heero had in the bedroom was a futon, and that was the one piece of furniture he'd had to purchase. Hoping his current living arrangement would be very temporary, he'd bought a cheap futon he'd had to build himself– which he did one night, completely shitfaced. Then he remembered he still needed bedding and pillows, so he spent his first night without any of those things, using his coat as a blanket. He would've thought he'd be cold, but he was too full of booze to tell.

Alcohol had become his near-constant companion since the split. And, well… right before that. He knew full well it had contributed to his marital problems, but Heero could only really blame himself. It was his own poor decision making that had driven him to drink himself into such a stupor that he–

Heero stopped his train of thought again, before he could drive himself completely mad. He was already teetering on the brink.

He wandered into the kitchen, picked up his favorite crystal bottle from the counter, and poured himself a full glass of his amber savior. It didn't take long to throw the first one back and help himself to another. After refilling his glass for a third time, he stumbled away from the counter and onto the couch.

He could drown in self-pity all night, and he intended to. His current predicament was more than enough to drink himself into oblivion every night. He just had to keep his thoughts from straying too far, back to that fateful night and the circumstances leading up to it, or he'd end up doing something far worse than mere self-pity…

It wasn't the first time he'd been tempted to end his life, and it wouldn't be the last.

Life was nothing more than a cruel joke. And anyway, he was someone who'd signed up to end his life early, back when he was too young to know what to do with himself otherwise. For years he'd let others call the shots, not really caring where he wound up. Life was cheap, anyway. At least, that was how he felt until he met her… To think, after all the things he'd done during the war, the lives he'd taken or destroyed, he'd had the gall to believe he had a right to happiness, just like anyone else. Well. He sure as fuck was wrong, but he'd had himself fooled.

Slowly, Heero sat back up and tipped back the rest of his whiskey. He'd had more than enough thinking for one night; on to more drinking… He chuckled dryly. That sounded like something his old friend Duo would say. Annoying as the American bastard could be, part of Heero wished Duo were there now to drink and commiserate with him. He had to admit, it'd be better than drinking and sulking alone.

Duo seemed to be one of the few people who still gave a damn about Heero, although he didn't know why. Other than their shared history as Gundam pilots, their friendship made little sense. And yet Duo still called or just showed up out of the blue now and then, saying he was checking to make sure Heero didn't choke on his own vomit, joking that he had him on suicide watch. Then again, Heero had to wonder if the self-styled "God of Death" was even kidding.

On some level, Heero appreciated having a loyal friend after all these years. He knew, deep down, it was probably what had kept him from putting a bullet in his own brain. That, and the fact that he had a daughter. He loved Ellie more than he had any right to, and he was determined to keep seeing her, no matter how much Relena might fight him on it. He had yet to fight her back, but he was starting to think he might have to, especially since she refused to meet with him to even discuss how they were going to continue to raise Ellie, should they proceed to a d–

Heero sank back against the couch, gripping his empty glass. He wasn't ready to even think _that _word yet. It was too… final. And even though it seemed inevitable, there was some foolish part of him that thought, maybe, since Relena had yet to file the papers, there was still some small chance for them.

Angry as he was at the situation, he would do anything to get back in her good graces; if only she would let him try. But that night he'd told her everything, she had gone cold as ice. He'd expected a fight; tears, screaming, throwing things, _something._ Anything would have been better than her actual reaction. She had grown so calm, it almost frightened him. She'd coolly told him to leave and never come back. And he'd been too ashamed and filled with self-loathing to argue at the time.

But this exile wasn't working. Nearly two months had passed since he'd even seen his daughter. Heero didn't care how pissed Relena was at him– that was too damn long. He had no idea what Relena had even told Ellie – maybe that he was on an extended mission somewhere – but it was the longest they had ever been apart. He knew his daughter was bound to be asking questions; she was inquisitive, like her mother. But even if she wasn't as sharp as a tack, any ten-year-old kid would be wondering where the hell her father was by now. And she had a right to know. And Heero had a right to see her. He and Relena were still legally married, and Ellie was just as much his as she was hers.

All Heero wanted was to get Relena to sit down and talk. Surely they could put their own issues aside for a moment to discuss their daughter, without having to hire suits to intercede for them. The last thing Heero wanted was some long, drawn-out custody battle played out in the courts and splashed across newspaper headlines. He knew intrinsically that Relena didn't want that, either. He just had to get her to agree to meet with him– and then convince her that he wasn't some alcoholic, that he was fit enough to continue to parent their daughter. Heero knew he was more than capable… couldn't Relena see that keeping him from his family only drove him to drink more?

He groaned out loud, craving another bitter taste, wanting to feel the flames licking his throat, burning away his feelings. But he knew that having more would lead to a blackout and a wicked hangover, and that wouldn't bring him any closer to accomplishing his goals.

He'd have to find another way to slay his demons.

First, he needed to apologize to Relena for the way he'd acted at the gala. He hadn't meant to upset her, or get Barton all riled up– another annoyance he'd have to deal with later. He was just so frustrated that she'd been avoiding him for so long, he was getting desperate. There had to be a way to reach out to her without scaring her away. But he feared at this point, Relena could be on the verge of filing a restraining order... and taking Ellie away from him, forever.

Heero's fears collided in his mind, and he needed to find a way to drown them out. He had some prescription sleeping pills, but he wasn't supposed to mix those with booze. Otherwise the grim reaper might actually darken his doorstep, and it wouldn't be Duo playing dress-up.

_That _thought made Heero throw his head back and laugh until he was hoarse. It was good to know his gallows humor was still intact. At the very least, the three glasses of whiskey had helped take the edge off.

But now, alone in the dark of his near-empty apartment, Heero longed for a much stronger drug.

_Relena._

Her name was poison and a healing balm. Her eyes were the sea, the sky, his entire universe. Her body was his haven; her arms, his sanctuary; her kiss, his salvation. Her voice, a melody he couldn't get out of his head if he tried. He missed it singing him to sleep, her soft, soothing tones chattering to him from the pillow next to his, about work and Ellie's school and her hopes and dreams for the future... _their_ future.

Those dreams were all shot to hell, now. And he was the assassin.

What was the point in even hoping he could talk to his wife? Relena didn't care about him any more; she'd made that abundantly clear. For so long, she had been the one to keep him from descending into darkness. Now, she was gone and had taken the light with her.

As Heero stumbled into his cold bed for the night, he could only hope, with what little he had left, Relena wouldn't take their daughter, too.

* * *

_A/N: Happy Monday! Sorry/not sorry for another angsty chapter. =/ Maybe it'll get better? Ehh? How dark and twisty do you think this should get?_

_If you are enjoying this so far, please favorite/follow/review! Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and encouraging... Your feedback means the world to me. Hope you have a great week! Stay tuned for more... :D_

_\- RFP_


	6. Forget Me Not

**Chapter Six: Forget Me Not**

_I've been awaiting for you_

_And you've been awaiting for me_

_Tell me that you'll always be true_

_And you'll be the only one for me_

_Forget me not_

_My dear, my darling_

_Forget me not, my love_

– The Civil Wars, "Forget Me Not"

Monday morning came far too soon for Relena. After everything that happened during Saturday night's gala, she could've used an extra day to wallow in bed. But that wouldn't have set a healthy example for Ellie, and she had work to do.

There was _always _work. Relena found herself working through most weekends, and while that was nothing new, she'd been taking even more work home lately to distract herself from… things. It helped, somewhat.

But as she set about her morning tasks around the house, an all-too-familiar panic set in; Relena dreaded bumping into a certain Preventer commander, who just so happened to be her estranged husband.

The other night had sent her reeling. Even now, just remembering the way Heero had looked at her sent a shiver down her spine… and not in a good way. She had never seen him look so desperate, not to mention unhealthy. By her estimation, he had to have dropped ten, maybe even fifteen pounds, and he was a slender man to begin with. His eyes were wide and wild as a wounded animal's. Seeing her husband of over a decade look that way had left her badly shaken. Relena had been so anxious, she'd nearly asked Trowa to stay the night after he escorted her home. But even though she could have put him up in one of her guest rooms, she knew how that would look. And Relena didn't want to have to explain to Ellie why one of her father's friends was staying over, while her father was nowhere to be seen.

Guilt gnawed at Relena's insides. She had told Ellie that her father was away for work, the first time she'd really lied to her ten-year-old. Sure, she and Heero had let Ellie believe in Santa Claus and other fantastical things when she was little, and did their best to guard her from unpleasant realities as much as possible, but Relena had never lied to her about something so major. She didn't plan to make a habit of it, but was at a loss over how to tell Ellie what was actually happening.

Relena knew she wouldn't be able to keep the truth from her precocious child much longer, though, especially if Heero had anything to do with it. Thus Relena was hoping to continue avoiding him for the time being. Even though she knew, eventually, they would have to put aside their differences long enough to discuss Ellie… Relena was dreading _that_ conversation as much as her next encounter with him.

But if she chickened out and stayed home for the day, how would _that_ look? Then Heero would win. At the very least, he'd know just how much he affected her, and Relena couldn't have that.

So she'd risen extra early that morning, spent a little more time than usual on her hair and makeup, and selected her most flattering suit dress for a much-needed boost of confidence. No matter what, she was not going to appear defeated. And in her line of work, appearances were everything.

It was still early when Relena arrived at the Foreign Affairs building, part of the sprawling ESUN complex located in the heart of downtown Brussels. After she scanned her keycard to enter the towering glass building and rode the elevator up to her floor, Relena was pleased to see she had beaten her punctual assistant to their set of offices.

Bypassing her assistant's desk, Relena unlocked the door to her private office, counting herself lucky. Offices could be so stuffy, but hers was a spacious suite with modern, all-white furniture selected by a feng shui expert she'd hired. The room also boasted an impressive view of the cityscape.

Relena shrugged out of her coat and draped it over a hook near the door, then sauntered over to her desk, plopped down her work tote and started up her computer. The machine hummed to life and in a matter of minutes, Relena was diving into her latest batch of emails. It was hours before she bothered looking up, only when her intercom sounded, shattering the peaceful silence.

Her assistant, Jules, was on the line. "Relena? You have a visitor."

Relena immediately tensed, the hair on the back of her neck standing to attention. She pressed a shaky finger down on the intercom button. "Who is it?"

"Dr. Paul Montogmery?" Jules sounded unsure, but Relena was instantly relieved.

"Please, send him right in."

Relena sat up a little straighter in her chair and laced her fingers in front of her as the doctor stepped into her office. He wore a tweed suit, his usual glasses, and a broad smile. Relena couldn't help but smile in return.

"Dr. Montgomery," she greeted him, rising to her feet with her hand outstretched. "So nice to see you again."

"Likewise." He pressed her hand in his, his smile widening. "Although, please, call me Paul."

Relena flushed, forgetting her own rule about foregoing titles. Then again, she'd also forgotten all about their meeting, after the hasty exit she'd made from the gala the other night. But then they'd failed to confirm an exact time, with Paul merely saying he would stop by at some point.

And there he was.

Relena sat back down in her chair, motioning for Paul to take a seat on the opposite side of her desk. "Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea?"

"Me?" Paul chuckled. Relena's face flamed. "Sorry… it's an old joke," he quickly assured her. "And a terrible one at that."

"I see." Relena was struggling to maintain her composure, and wondered if her new acquaintance could tell.

"I would love a cup of tea, actually, if you don't mind," Paul said.

"Of course." Relena leapt from her seat, grateful to have something to occupy herself with in this man's presence. For some reason he unnerved her, although she couldn't pinpoint why. She'd worked with countless professional men over the years, many of whom were equally handsome, distinguished, and had kind smiles for days…

Okay, so not that many men who showed up in her office were quite like Paul. But still.

Relena breezed through her doorway, pausing before her assistant's desk. "Jules? Would you mind fixing a cup of tea for our guest?" So Relena wasn't exactly keeping herself busy this way, but it would have been odd to fetch Paul's tea for him when she had an assistant ready to do so.

"Sure!" Jules angled her head in Paul's direction. "What kind would you like? We have herbal, green, black…"

"Black would be lovely," he said crisply. "With cream and sugar, if you have it."

"Absolutely!" Jules giggled, apparently charmed by Paul's accent. The young woman sprinted off to her task and Relena returned to her desk, grateful for her cheerful assistant. Now, if only she could keep herself calm for the duration of this meeting...

She managed to survive a few minutes of chitchat while Jules prepared Paul's tea. After handing Paul a cup and saucer, Jules shut the office door, sending Relena's nerves skyrocketing. Why? Why was she so nervous? Paul was perfectly nice, but he wasn't alarmingly handsome or particularly striking. And yet, as he sat smiling at her, Relena found herself transfixed by the friendly sparkle in his eyes.

Maybe it was his eyes… so light and full of life. Even though Relena knew that Paul did difficult work for a living, he didn't appear to have a care in the world. Perhaps that was why she found him so appealing.

Perhaps she'd spent so long stumbling around in the darkness, even the least bit of light was electrifying.

But Paul hadn't come there to dazzle Relena; he'd come to talk business. And so Relena shifted back into professional mode, asking Paul to elaborate on his work with Healing Hearts. He indulged her, then told her all about the orphanage he wanted to start in the colonies. Relena listened intently, and she couldn't help but admire someone so passionate about his life's work. She had to wonder what drove him, when even the most charitable people she encountered always seemed to have some kind of angle. But with Paul's slightly rumpled appearance, making him look boyish despite the subtle grays streaking his sandy hair, Relena had to wonder if he even took a dime for his livelihood. From what she could tell, the man was completely selfless.

Okay. So she couldn't help but be a _little _dazzled by him.

Relena realized too late, as she sat listening to Paul speaking so eloquently, that her cheek had sunken into her palm. When she caught herself, she attempted to straighten her posture as casually as possible. _Ugh._ Did she have to be so obvious? She was worse than a school girl with a crush.

Which was a crazy thought, coming from someone who'd married her high school crush. Could she really have these kinds of feelings for another man, so soon? Was she ready?

Before she could let her mind drift and further assess her feelings, Paul was asking her out.

"I hate to keep you from your busy work day," he was saying. "Would you be interested in continuing our conversation over dinner, perhaps later this week?"

Relena was flabbergasted. "I, ah… yes." She cleared her throat as primly as possible. "That would be… lovely."

She was going to start sounding like a Brit before she knew it. The thought nearly made her giggle.

Paul beamed at her. "Wonderful. Would you mind if I took down your number?" He had his mobile at the ready. Relena smiled and took his phone from him, swiftly punching in her number, then handed over her phone for him to do the same.

She felt a strange buzzing sensation creeping up her neck throughout the exchange. It didn't go away until long after Paul had left her office.

When she was sure no one would see her, she sighed and sank her head onto her desk. "Relenaaa," she groaned. "What are you doing?"

* * *

_A/N: What is she doing, indeed? Hmm..._

_Happy Sunday funday, fam! Yes, I decided we'd be on the Sunday schedule this week... you don't mind, do you? Thank you again for all of your positive feedback so far! I'm doing my best to respond to each and every one of your reviews because I appreciate your input so much!_

_So I have good news and bad news for you... The good news is, I mostly know where this story is going! YAY! The bad news? It's probably gonna take us a while to get there... so sit tight! I'll do my best to continue updating regularly, though. I've been working on this story almost daily and am several chapters ahead at this point, but will continue to update either weekly or biweekly because I tend to edit as I go... Some of the stuff I'm writing in the present ends up altering some details early on in the story; because I started working on this a while ago, I have to reread a lot to make sure I keep all of those tiny details consistent. Make sense? Okay, cool :P_

_In other news... Civil Wars is next on my list to be completed. I have a lot of ideas for that story, still, but I may have to get this AU version out of my system first. What's really fun, at least for me, is that while the worlds and characters of these two stories are very similar, these two stories will have **completely** different endings. Weeeeee! I'm so excited to unveil everything and share it all with you!_

_As for Red Moon Rise, for those of you who have been asking... that's next on my list after CW. Promise! ;) We still have a part three to complete in that trilogy, so yeah... it's definitely gonna happen. I wish I had a better idea of when, because I will be doing NaNoWriMo next month and working on another novel project. My goal for now is to get as much of this fic done before as possible before I dive into NaNo!_

_Anyway, sorry for the looooong update and not so long chapter... I may just have to post a bonus update tomorrow, if I can get my act together. If you're reading this, I hope you're enjoying where this is going! Drop me a note and let me know :D _

_Happy Sunday, everyone! I hope you have a great week. _

_Love love love,_

_\- RFP_


	7. The One That Got Away

**Chapter Seven: The One That Got Away**

_I never meant to get us in this deep_

_I never meant for this to mean a thing_

_I wish you were the one _

_Wish you were the one that got away_

– The Civil Wars, "The One That Got Away"

The text on Heero's computer screen blurred and whirled in an infuriating dance of words and numbers. Despite the fact that his blackout curtains were drawn tight, the door to his office closed to block out the din from the rest of his department, the Preventers commander couldn't concentrate for the life of him. It didn't help that he was battling the mother of all headaches, which not even the heavy-duty painkillers he'd taken that morning could touch.

As usual, his struggles were self-inflicted. Perhaps if he'd spent his Sunday doing something other than drinking his way to a blacked-out state, his Monday might have been more productive.

It was mid-afternoon and he was just about ready to throw in the towel when a tentative knock sounded on his door. Heero frowned and dragged his head up from his monitor.

"What is it?" he barked, not bothering with niceties when he felt like shit. Or much else of the time, for that matter.

The door creaked open, and a pert face framed by dark, curly hair peered in. "May I come in?"

Heero's blood went cold.

He managed a nod, but said nothing as communications officer Raquel Morena opened the door fully and swept into his office. All Heero could do was scowl in her direction, ensuring his expression communicated how little he welcomed the intrusion.

Heero continued to eye her warily as she made her way toward him with a stack of papers in hand. She was wearing her Preventers uniform, one of the newer-issued beige versions with not a crease in sight. Her brown hair was piled on top of her head in a haphazard bun Relena would refer to as a "top knot." The young agent appeared to hesitate before taking the last few steps forward and setting the hefty document on Heero's desk.

"Just… filing my report from Eurasia," Raquel said softly, blinking her doe eyes at Heero. He stiffened.

"You could have filed electronically," he groused, leafing through the stack briefly before setting it back down.

"I know. But I wanted to see you."

Her voice was girlish, hopeful. Heero stifled an exasperated groan, running a hand over his face.

"What do you want?"

Raquel glanced over her shoulder before leaning down slightly, lowering her voice even more. "I think we should talk about… everything."

Whatever remained of Heero's blood flow had gone to ice in his veins. "There's nothing to discuss."

Raquel's face fell. "But we don't know exactly what happened that night," she sighed, casting baleful brown eyes on Heero. "I mean, what if…"

"Close the door," Heero cut in. Raquel obeyed, then sat down in the chair that faced Heero's desk.

"You were saying," he grumbled, not wanting to entertain her musings for anything, but not feeling he had much choice, either.

Raquel heaved another sigh and twisted a loose tendril of hair in front of her face. "What if… it turns out I'm pregnant?"

Heero's eyes narrowed. "You'd better not be," he growled.

Raquel's brows arched. "Or what? You wouldn't help me?" Her eyes immediately filled.

Heero sank back in his chair, rubbing his hand over his face again. He took a moment to compose himself.

"I don't know," he said at last. "Why don't you take a test, then… contact me if it's necessary."

He was surprised, frankly, that the girl hadn't taken a test already. He'd immediately taken one of his own– for STDs. Thankfully, he had received a clean bill of health. It was the one thing he was thankful for these days...

Raquel gaped at him. "Contact you if _necessary_? Are you saying you don't want to see me?"

Now it was Heero's turn to balk at her. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

The tears brimming in Raquel's eyes spilled onto her cheeks. "You don't mean that."

"Of course I do," Heero said without a trace of emotion. "I'm married. I have a family."

"B-but," Raquel stammered, her chest heaving. "I thought… that night… we shared something special. We had a connection."

Heero barely refrained from rolling his eyes. "You thought wrong. I hardly remember what happened that night."

That was the honest truth; his memories from the night that changed everything were nothing but hazy.

Raquel was still blabbering on, her eyes and nose red and puffy, but Heero didn't have the patience to listen to her falsified – or, at the very least, exaggerated – version of events. Let her take a pregnancy test, and have that prove her wrong.

Then, maybe his wife would finally listen to him and consider his side. He'd apologized to Relena over and over, to the point of begging for her forgiveness, but she'd turned a cold shoulder as soon as he'd told her what he knew. Part of him was still wracked with guilt over something he wasn't even sure he had done; another part of him was heartbroken that his wife, of all people, didn't believe he was innocent. Knowing that hurt more than he could have possibly imagined.

Losing Relena was his worst fear come to life.

Now, he was living a nightmare.

"If I am pregnant," Raquel sniffed, "I'm keeping the baby."

"That's your decision," Heero said curtly.

"I'll expect child support."

"I'll demand a paternity test."

"Fair enough." Raquel rose to leave. "I'll go get a test today." She gave him a rueful smile, placing a hand on her flat stomach. "I'll call you as soon as I know."

Heero's gut coiled. "Fine."

Raquel turned toward the door, but Heero called to halt her. She turned around, her brows lifting in surprise. "Yes, Heero?"

"Commander Yuy," he corrected her, injecting as much venom into his voice as possible. Raquel's eyes widened, then narrowed.

"Commander Yuy," she echoed blandly.

Heero straightened in his seat. "Once this matter is settled, I'm reassigning you to our North American unit."

Raquel's mouth dropped open. "But, why?"

_Because I need you out of sight, _he wanted to say; for his sake as well as Relena's. Instead, he answered, "They're in need of new recruits. You'll be going along with several other team members."

Her lower lip trembled. "But I don't want to move to America."

Heero refused to indulge her personal pity party. "That's an order. Which you agreed to obey upon signing up with this organization. If you refuse orders, there will be consequences."

Raquel's eyes narrowed. "Like what?"

She was already treading dangerous ground, her insubordinate attitude warranting a writeup, at the very least. But Heero held back, not wanting to risk Raquel blabbing her story to anyone who'd be willing to hear it. The thought of her contacting the media and what that would mean for Relena's political position was absolutely sickening. Not to mention what the rumors would do to his relationship with Ellie… he couldn't bear the thought of his daughter thinking less of him.

Heero's stomach soured again, and this time he felt like he was going to vomit. Somehow this petite young woman had the power to destroy him, his marriage, and his career in one fell swoop.

"I'll refer you to our code of conduct," Heero muttered, avoiding a direct answer to her question.

Raquel tipped her chin up in a defiant gesture. "I'm not leaving Brussels; it's my home. Moving to another country would wreak havoc upon my mental health." Once again, her lip started to quiver.

Heero let out a labored sigh. "Then you are placed on a mandatory leave of absence, effective immediately, during which you will be expected to undergo an extensive psychiatric evaluation."

Raquel's eyes bulged. Clearly she'd never bothered to read the code of conduct. "But, He– Commander Yuy. This is outrageous!"

"This is the best I can do for now," Heero said as gently as he could manage. "Go home and get some rest. And," he added grudgingly, "let me know the minute you get your test result."

Raquel finally made her exit, her head low and shoulders sagging, leaving Heero feeling like an ass. And yet, troubling as the situation was, he still couldn't fully believe what the girl was insisting.

There was no way they'd had sex; he knew, to his core, that it was impossible. Even if his drinking had become a problem over the past few months, due to the pressures of his new position, there wasn't enough booze in the world to make him cheat on his wife.

He loved Relena more than life itself. And he would have given his life for her or Ellie without a moment's hesitation. There _was_ no life without them, so what good was he now, anyway? He was a useless husk of a man, as good as dead.

But he wouldn't do himself in; not just yet. He owed it to some small, stubborn part of himself that wanted to live a meaningful life to at least try to reclaim his old existence. If that were even possible at this point. He could survive losing his job over this, but he prayed to whoever was listening that he wouldn't lose his family. Then, he would truly have nothing left.

That was only if he hadn't already lost them forever.

* * *

_A/N Raise your hand if you saw that coming?_

_Well well well... hopefully this chapter answered some of your burning questions. But is everything as it seems? Guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out! More to come..._

_\- RFP_


	8. You Bear the Scars

**Chapter Eight: You Bear the Scars**

_You've held your head up, you've fought the fight_

_You bear the scars, you've done your time_

_Listen to me_

_You've been lonely too long_

– The Civil Wars, "Dust to Dust"

Relena was waging a war against a jar of sauce, and the jar was winning.

She'd struggled to open the thing for several minutes, but the lid wouldn't budge. And she'd tried running it under hot water, tried banging the lid with a knife, but either her knives were no good or she was just that helpless. Cursing her weak muscles, Relena gave up with a defeated sigh. So much for throwing together a quick dinner for her and Ellie.

She was exhausted, although she wasn't sure why. Other than her meeting with Paul that morning, her work day had been fairly uneventful. She wasn't any more overworked or stressed out than usual. And yet she'd had to drag herself here and there, every new task seemingly more monumental than the last. She was endlessly tired.

The tiredness had been creeping up on her more and more the past few weeks. She'd been too worn out to keep up with her usual exercise routine, even though skipping out on her workouts was probably only exacerbating her fatigue. But she needed to get her energy levels back up to where they used to be to even _attempt _working out, and that was the issue. It was a terribly vicious cycle.

Heaving another sigh, Relena picked up her mobile and dialed Lucrezia Peacecract, née Noin. She was fortunate that her brother and sister-in-law lived nearby, so they saw one another fairly often, but she still felt overdue for a nice, long sisterly chat.

Noin answered after a few rings.

"We need to hit the gym," Relena said without preamble.

"Speak for yourself," her sister-in-law chuckled. "I went this morning. What's your excuse?"

Relena could think of plenty, but she knew Noin would refute every single one. And Relena was calling to whine, not be held accountable.

"And anyway," Noin continued, "you have that state-of-the-art gym at home. So you _really_ have no excuse."

"I know," Relena groaned. "It's just not the same without…" She didn't have to finish her sentence.

"Yeah, well you could say that about the rest of the house too, right?" Noin's voice softened. Relena sighed again. Of course. She was being silly, avoiding the gym just because she associated the room with Heero. Noin was right; the same could be said for any room in the house. It's not like the gym was special.

But other than their bedroom, it was where she and Heero had started each day together. Every weekday morning, they would rise at 5:00 a.m. to get in a sweat session before showering and getting ready for work together. And much of the time, they would engage in _other_ types of vigorous exercise… especially when they were trying to get pregnant.

Relena fought back bitter tears as they formed in her eyes. She'd wanted another baby so badly. Over the years they'd tried and failed. It had taken all of the strength Relena possessed and then some to pick herself up and keep going, time after time. But she wasn't alone, then; she'd had Heero to lean on, and did she ever. But, now…

It was useless to let herself get on that train of thought, so Relena forced her mind to change track.

"Let me know the next time you're going to the gym," she said to Noin, forcing herself to sound upbeat.

"Tomorrow, six a.m.," Noin chirped. Relena immediately regretted making this swift plan, knowing Noin used the Preventers' gym; while Milliardo and Noin also had some equipment at home, Noin claimed she never wanted to own too many machines or they'd end up holding her laundry. But Relena needed to convince her sister-in-law to use the ESUN gym instead, so she wouldn't end up running into the source of her anxiety...

Thankfully, Noin readily agreed to meet Relena the following morning, noting that the ESUN gym was "fancier" anyway.

"We should treat ourselves to mani-pedis afterward," Noin added.

"Wouldn't _that _be nice?" Relena mused. "How about this weekend?"

"Saturday?"

"Perfect."

"Great. So what's for dinner?"

Rolling her eyes at herself, Relena filled Noin in on her jar-opening failure.

"Ah, so _that's_ why you wanna hit the gym so badly," Noin teased. "Your muscles are starting to atrophy."

"Something like that." Relena bit her lower lip. "For now I'll have to find something else to make for dinner, or poor Ellie will end up eating takeaway curry for the tenth time this month…"

"Hmm…" Relena thought she could hear the sounds of Noin chopping something in the background. "What do you have on hand?"

Relena began to rummage around her cabinets. "Pasta… a few cans of beans, some coconut milk, stewed tomatoes…" She could practically hear her sister-in-law crinkling her nose.

"Sounds like takeout it is. _Or _you could come over here; your brother's working late, so it's just me and the kids tonight. I'm making salmon croquettes, mashed potatoes and asparagus…"

Relena's stomach rumbled. "That sounds heavenly. Are you sure you'll have enough?"

"Trust me, there's plenty," Noin said. "But if you want to bring something, make it wine."

Relena laughed. "That I can do. Chardonnay?"

"Fabulous."

Relena was smiling as she ended the call. She would be eternally grateful to her sister-in-law for saving her and Ellie from another lonely night of takeout.

Another lonely night, period.

* * *

A half-eaten slice of pizza sat abandoned in its box along with several other slices, all untouched and rapidly losing steam.

Heero had given up trying to put something in his stomach for the time being. Instead, he was pacing back and forth across his small kitchen, white-knuckling his cell phone like his life depended on it.

The last time he'd felt this out of control of his own life was when he was piloting a mobile suit on someone else's orders. But even then, he realized he had free will to disobey his orders and choose his own path. Now, it felt as if someone else was pulling all the strings.

And if that was the case, if fate had brought him here and he truly had no say over his future, then life was nothing more than a cruel joke after all.

The sound of his mobile vibrating ricocheted through the apartment. Heero answered without bothering to check the caller I.D. His gut already told him who was on the other end.

"Hello."

"Heero? It's me."

His eyes squeezed shut. So much for trying to establish his authority by insisting on her using his title. But then all formality had flown out the window, hadn't it? Heero knew there was no point any more. No fucking point to anything.

He could tell from her tone of voice that this was good news, at least according to her.

Which meant his life was over.

"So, I took a test…" Raquel said demurely. Heero gripped the phone.

"And?"

"And… yeah. I'm pregnant."

Heero's chest clenched. He clasped his free hand to his heart, but there was no stopping the pain that radiated.

"You're sure," he managed around the thundering in his ribcage. His lungs, too, felt as if they were being squeezed. His head swam, and the room began to spin…

"Positive." He could have sworn she giggled.

And the walls could have crumbled in on Heero, and he would have welcomed being crushed to death. He would suffocate either way.

He wasn't aware of the call ending. All he knew was that something was breaking inside of him.

Something that would never be whole again.

* * *

_A/N: AHHHHH, YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS ARE THE GREATEST._

_I had to hurry up and update this story since you left me some unbelievable feedback on the last chapter; and so quickly, too! I appreciate it more than you know! So I really don't want to keep you waiting for too long. I'm doing my best to keep working on this consistently, even though the muses are giving me other ideas (isn't that always the way?). For those of you who still like _Civil Wars_ better, I do promise to get back to that one... just not quite yet. Thanks for hanging with me, in the meantime!_

_I'm gonna do my best over the next few days to respond to your individual reviews, so thank you thank you thank you for your feedback, and please continue to let me know what you think! _

_GIANT GUNDAM HUGS!_

_\- RFP_


	9. Disarm

**Chapter Nine: Disarm**

_Disarm you with a smile_

_And cut you like you want me to_

_Cut that little child_

_Inside of me and such a part of you_

_Ooh, the years burn_

_Ooh, the years burn_

– The Smashing Pumpkins (covered by the Civil Wars), "Disarm"

After a flawless dinner, Relena decided that her sister-in-law deserved the mother of the year award.

From the laughter and easy conversation that flowed through the dining room all evening, Relena could see that her niece and nephew, Naina and Milou, were both well-fed and happy; each had a brightness in their eyes that could only come from growing up in a loving home. Relena tried to remember what _that_ was like, and felt a fresh wave of guilt for denying Ellie a stable existence. Clearly, she needed to make more of an effort. But at least her daughter seemed to be enjoying her time with her cousins...

For just a moment, Relena allowed herself to relax, nursing her second glass of wine. Noin sat across from her at the dining room table, lingering over her wine as well. The kids were in the kitchen, all on cleanup duty, with Naina plating leftovers for her father to heat up when he got home while Milou helped Ellie with the dishes.

"Thank you again for the amazing meal," Relena said, tipping her glass toward Noin's. Her sister-in-law grinned and clinked their glasses together.

"It was nothing, but you're welcome." Noin paused to sip her wine. "And anyway, it's fun hanging out on a weeknight like this. We should do it more often."

"I agree. It's a nice break from routine," Relena said. Not that she had much of a routine these days, other than going to and from work, which was becoming more and more draining. She felt so groggy lately, she was lucky she had a driver to ensure she and Ellie got to their destinations safely each day. Today had been an exception; rarely did she rise extra-early these days. Doing mostly nothing on Sunday had probably helped with that. Even still, at the end of any given day, Relena found herself completely depleted.

She hoped having a hearty, home-cooked meal and wine would be enough to ensure a good night's sleep. Knowing the way her restless mind worked overtime in the wee hours, though, Relena wasn't counting on it.

Nearly finished with her wine, Relena began to worry her bottom lip, and was wondering if her struggles were so apparent when Noin laid a hand on her arm.

"Hey," Noin said softly, her violet eyes swimming. "Are you really okay?"

The gentle question was nearly enough to break the dam that Relena barely managed to keep from bursting and pulling her under. Blinking to keep tears at bay, she forced a nod. Noin tipped her head to the side as if studying Relena more closely.

"Well," Noin said after a beat, "if you ever need help with anything, I'm here."

"I know." Relena nodded again, hoping she didn't look as pathetic as she felt. "Thank you."

"And you know your brother would do _anything_ for you," Noin added, her tone and expression vehement.

Relena laughed dryly. "I know that, too. And I appreciate the both of you, more than you'll ever know."

Noin reached across the table to squeeze Relena's hand. "That's what family's for. We should make more plans so we can get through this never-ending winter with our sanity intact. Relatively," Noin added with a wink.

Relena agreed, wanting nothing more than to fill her calendar with events and activities to keep her occupied for the next several weeks. "Spring will be here soon enough," she said with as much optimism she could muster.

"Yes, and then your birthday," Noin chimed in.

"Ugh." Relena pressed a hand to her face. "Don't remind me."

"What? Thirty's not so bad. I mean, I got through it," Noin said with a shrug. "I've survived to the ripe ol' age of thirty-two, look at me!"

"It's not that…" Relena swung her eyes to the kitchen, where Ellie was giggling and chattering with her two older cousins. Noin followed her gaze.

"Right. You don't think… things will be resolved by then?" Noin splayed her hands. Relena sighed and twisted the stem of the wine glass in her hand.

"Who knows…" She didn't want to dwell on it, but in her heart Relena doubted that life would be back to normal by the time her birthday rolled around. She certainly had little to celebrate about turning thirty and didn't want to be reminded of that.

"Well, then. Let's just make other plans for now," Noin said breezily. Relena appreciated that her sister-in-law wasn't harping on the subject. This was why they were also friends.

"How about you and Ellie come over Friday and spend the night?" Noin suggested. "Then Zechs can hang out with the kids on Saturday while we go get our nails done."

Relena loved that idea, and was about to say so, when she remembered… "I have plans Friday night."

Noin's brows lifted. "Oh?"

Relena nodded. "Dinner. With a colleague." She tried to sound nonchalant, but the heat fanning her cheeks surely gave her away.

"A colleague, huh?" Noin glanced back at the kitchen, dropping her voice. "And is this colleague _male_?"

"Yes, but it's not what you think," Relena said, willing her face to stop flaming. "It's a work thing."

"Right…" Noin leaned forward in her chair. "Who is this guy, anyway?"

"Dr. Paul Montogomery."

"Never heard of him…"

"He's a doctor–"

"I gathered." Noin rolled her eyes.

"I wasn't finished," Relena snapped, growing slightly irritated. "He heads a non-profit called Healing Hearts. It's the only volunteer medical organization that serves both the Earth sphere and colonies."

Her sister-in-law did not appear impressed, keeping one brow arched.

"He spoke at the charity gala the other night. You know, the one you skipped?" Relena couldn't resist adding. Noin waved a hand.

"Go to one charity gala, you've been to them all."

"Well, this was for an important cause."

"Sure." Noin gave a shrug. "So what's this guy want with you, anyway?"

Relena straightened in her seat. "There are all kinds of ways that ESUN, particularly the Foreign Affairs office, can offer support. With grants, and possible legislation, and…"

"Uh-huh." Noin's eyes rolled again. "You're sure this dinner is really just a 'work thing'?"

Relena stiffened. "Well, what if it's not? I'm allowed to date if I want."

"Are you?"

Heat lashed Relena's face and neck. "I certainly should be, after what Heero did to me..."

"After what you _think _Heero did," Noin cut in. "You don't know for sure that anything happened."

Relena gaped at her sister-in-law. "You're defending him?"

Noin shrugged again. "Not necessarily. But I don't have all of the information. Until we know what actually went down, I'm not gonna judge him for it."

Relena's ears were starting to burn. Noin shook her head to the side. "Come on, don't look at me like that, Lena. He's still my brother-in-law, and my kids' uncle. And a damn good one at that."

Relena threw up her hands. "I can't believe I'm hearing this right now."

"Well, I wasn't going to say it, but I think you're being a little hard on him."

Noin's words were a fresh slap in the face, and Relena had to work to rein in her temper. "Really. And what would you do in my situation?"

"Oh, I'd give Zechs hell, for sure." Noin made a fist for emphasis. "And if I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he'd cheated on me? There'd be no mercy."

Now it was Relena's turn to roll her eyes. "And then you'd give him second and third and hundredth chances…"

Noin's gaze softened. "Well, yeah. There's really nothing Zechs could do to get rid of me. I always thought you felt the same about Heero."

Relena bit her lip, not wanting to explain how deeply Heero's betrayal hurt her. She thought Noin of all people would understand, which was why she was one of the few people Relena had told about Heero's possible – no, _probable_ – infidelity.

Noin gave a deep sigh. "Well, regardless of my opinion of the situation, only you can decide what to do about it."

Relena felt her anger ebb slightly. "I appreciate that."

"But I think you need to at least tell Ellie what's going on," Noin added softly.

"Believe me, I will," Relena sighed, as a fresh wave of guilt slammed into her. "It's just… one thing at a time, you know?"

"I know," Noin said, although she couldn't possibly know. Milliardo would _never_ cheat on Noin; of that, Relena was certain.

The women wrapped up their charged conversation just in time, as the kids came bounding out of the kitchen.

"Mom, can we try calling Daddy tonight?" Ellie sidled up to Relena, tilting her head to the side, sending long honey-colored hair swinging. She was Relena's mini in every way, save for her midnight-blue eyes.

Relena turned to her daughter, ignoring a reproachful look from Noin. "I don't know, sweetie…"

Ellie's lower lip jutted out. "But maybe he's moved to a place where he can get calls now?" she asked hopefully. "We have to try, right?"

The girl was nothing if not determined. Much like someone else she knew…

"We'll see when we get home, okay?" Relena leaned down to brush Ellie's bangs back, offering her brightest smile. Ellie beamed up at her in return.

No matter what happened, Relena would never forgive herself – or Heero – for breaking her little girl's heart.

* * *

_A/N: If you're reading this... thank you, thank you, thank you! _

_You guys continue to blow me away with your feedback. You make my little writer's heart so happy; I want to give all of you hugs. WAHHHH! _

_I'm going to do my best to keep this going... Also, I need to be better about keeping up with your comments. Each one means so much to me. Working on original fiction feels like writing into the void, which is why I love this community so much. I'm happy to keep these fics coming, even though there aren't that many of us putting them out there nowadays. I keep wondering when I'll ever "grow up" from this fandom. The answer is... maybe never? Apparently the stories just grow up along with me (if you read my throwback one-shot _Mission: Incognito_ then you know what I mean!). _

_Anyway, I will try to post another midweek update if I can. I hope your Monday wasn't too Monday-y. Blah. Mine kinda was but fic life makes everything better. :D_

_Hugs!_

_\- RFP_


	10. The Killer in Me

**Chapter Ten: The Killer in Me**

_I used to be a little boy_

_So old in my shoes_

_And what I choose is my choice_

_What's a boy supposed to do?_

_The killer in me is the killer in you_

_My love_

_I send this smile over to you_

– The Smashing Pumpkins (covered by The Civil Wars), "Disarm"

Days passed in a haze of sunsets and sunrises, most of which Heero was barely conscious for. A few times, he remembered blinking long enough to register that the light was waning in and out. Thanks to his liquid companions, though, he had managed to keep a nice, dull cushion around his mind for the few, agonizing moments he found himself awake.

After a while – he had no idea what day or time – he fumbled for his phone on his nightstand to see how long, exactly, he'd been out.

The call from Raquel had been Monday night.

It was now Thursday night.

He'd slept through three whole days.

Groaning, Heero lifted his too-heavy head off of his pillow. He felt like he'd been hit by a ton of bricks. And given the many injuries he had sustained on the battlefield over the years, he knew exactly what that felt like.

He was surprised to see a series of missed calls. He was more surprised, frankly, that anyone gave a damn about him or his whereabouts.

Most of the calls were from work; the office manager, undoubtedly wondering why the Preventers commander hadn't bothered showing up for most of the week. Probably assuming he was dead by now. Heero wondered idly if the police had been called, not that anyone would be all that shocked by his absence.

There were a few missed calls from Barton. Only mildly surprising; he was second in command, after all. Otherwise Heero doubted his old friend would bother these days.

A missed call from Duo, the one old friend who _would_ bother. This was probably just his usual check-in call. Which Heero might actually return, after a shower and a few bites of three-day-old pizza, assuming any of it was still edible.

There were several voicemails along with the missed calls, but Heero didn't feel like listening to any. Especially as he scrolled through the list and saw that Raquel had called several times. Just seeing her name sent a jolt of pain to Heero's chest. He couldn't fathom what more the girl could want at this point; there was nothing Heero could do until she agreed to take a paternity test. And in that case, it was either go with a more invasive test while the baby was still in utero, or wait until after it was born…

_Baby._ The word was a boulder bearing down on Heero, an anchor to his leg at the bottom of the ocean. The mere possibility of this woman carrying his child was enough to make bile rise in the back of his throat.

He was retching before he could drag his sorry ass to the bathroom, just making it into the wastebasket beside his futon.

After a few more dry heaves to ensure he'd gotten the gunk all out of his system, Heero collapsed back onto his mattress. He clamped his eyes shut, even though it was pitch dark outside, with only moonlight seeping in through his blinds, casting pale striped shadows on the wall. Heero laid still for what felt like a small eternity, willing himself to fall back asleep, but sleep wouldn't come. He'd rested far too much, it seemed.

Wincing against the incessant pounding in his head, Heero slowly opened one eye, then the other. Then he squeezed both shut again. His phone was right next to his face, and the screen was too damn bright. But a name swirled before his eyes. A name he hadn't seen on his phone in a long, long time.

He had to be hallucinating.

Heero forced his eyes open, and there it was, in black type on the screen's stark white background.

**Relena.**

Heero rubbed his eyes to be sure he wasn't seeing things. Her name was still there. He picked his phone up in utter disbelief and brought it closer to his face.

He wasn't hallucinating. Relena _had_ called him. Monday night, some time after he'd ended his call with Raquel.

His first instinct was to press his finger over her name and call her back that instant. But no- he didn't want to talk to her like this. He needed to be in a much better frame of mind, so he could come up with the perfect words to say…

The fact that she had called him at all was a miracle. Although Heero realized it could have been a mere well-being call, like the countless others he'd missed. Something told him it wasn't, though. Some damned fragment of hope, sparking among the embers.

He had to find out if she'd left a voicemail, at least; then he would have some idea of how to respond to her. He didn't want to go into any situation involving Relena unprepared.

Heero sat up and punched in the code for his voicemail, then proceeded to drum his fingers on his bedside table as he skipped through the first several messages. The office manager had left one for each day of Heero's absence, asking in a timid voice when he might be returning. In between those messages was one from Trowa, in his usual deadpan, proclaiming himself the new Preventers commander in Heero's stead. Heero rolled his eyes, deleting as he went. Duo had left a much-too-chipper message, checking to see if, in fact, Heero was dead.

Raquel hadn't left him any messages, even though she had called several times. Heero could only assume that whatever she wanted, it wasn't an emergency. Perhaps she wasn't actually pregnant, after all. Or perhaps decided she wasn't going to keep the baby. Either scenario would be preferable to the situation he currently found himself in, if in fact the child she was allegedly carrying was his.

But all of those thoughts flew from his mind when Relena's voice came through the phone line, strong and clear.

"Heero." She sounded annoyed with him, but even her sharp tone was music to his ears. At this point, he would take what he could get.

"I'm only calling because Ellie wants to talk to you. She keeps asking about you." Relena sighed, and Heero's heart pounded. "Apparently you're not available right now. But when you are… call or text me and we'll figure out a time for you and Ellie to speak. All right? Goodbye."

He could picture her hanging up in exasperation, and that was enough to put a smile on his face. She was yielding. It was enough, for now.

Enough for that spark of hope to flicker in the unending darkness.

* * *

_A/N: What's this? A Thirsty Thursday update? You betcha! Not much else to say here except... the plot thickens. I hope you continue to enjoy! Thank you again for the wonderful reviews! _

_Big hugs!_

_\- RFP_


	11. We Can Never Go Back

**Chapter Eleven: We Can Never Go Back**

_Remember when you loved me_

_Remember when I left_

_Remember that time it hurt like nothing else_

_Wanna try that again?_

_Remember when we fought together_

_It was us against the world_

_Remember how close we came_

_Wanna try that again?_

_But we can never go back_

_We can only go on and on…_

– Joy Williams, formerly of The Civil Wars, "We Can Never Go Back"

Relena yanked her brush through her hair with far more force than she meant to, making herself wince at her reflection. Which she wasn't thrilled with, at the moment.

She'd picked up some new makeup on the way home from work the other night, including a palette that Jules swore by. But in Relena's opinion, everything was far too… pink. She took a step back and surveyed her face, scrunching her nose. She looked like a tarted-up flamingo. With a labored sigh, she did her best to tone everything down with her finishing powder and brush, blending her fuschia-colored cheeks into submission.

Part of her was surprised she was even going through with this dinner… date. Whatever it was. She decided it would be good for her, no matter how many chastising looks she had to endure from her sister-in-law. And Noin had given her plenty when Relena dropped Ellie off to spend the night with her cousins.

Quite frankly, Relena still didn't think _she_ was the one that deserved to be chastised. Oh, she was going to let Heero have it, whenever they finally got around to speaking.

Three days. It had taken him _three days_ to deign to return her call. Here she had extended an olive branch, and he had the gall to wait _three_ whole days?! What was she, some first date he had to debate whether or not was worthy of a return phone call?! Please. She was so done. At this point, she was only willing to put up with her estranged husband, in _very_ small doses, for Ellie's sake.

By the time Heero _did_ call her, it was late Thursday night, and Relena was in no mood to answer, nor was she about to wake up Ellie to talk to him. So Relena waited until midday on Friday, when she was good and ready, to text Heero back. She decided she didn't really want to talk to him, after all; not when she had a lot of work to finish up before the end of the day so she could leave the office in plenty of time to get ready for her date. Dinner. Whatever.

Since then, she and Heero had exchanged a few texts back and forth, trying to firm up a time for him and Ellie to chat. Of course, Heero wanted to speak to Ellie right away, but Relena wanted to be there, or at least have a chance to coach Heero on what to say first. She needed to make sure he stuck to the same story– that he was traveling for work. Or, if Heero wasn't willing to outright lie, then he needed to agree to be vague about his whereabouts. At least until he and Relena could decide how to tell Ellie the truth. Which–

The shrill ring of her mobile stopped her thoughts cold. Relena glanced down at the phone on her vanity and the name on the caller I.D. in dismay.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me."

Against her better judgment, Relena snatched up the phone.

"You have some nerve," she hissed.

"Why?" Heero sounded taken aback. His voice was level, though… normal, almost. He certainly didn't sound as haggard as Relena expected, since apparently he'd been out sick all week. Although Relena had to wonder if he'd been belly up at the nearest bar the entire time, or simply passed out at home. Or – worse – holed up with that girl he supposedly never _really_ slept with.

Ha.

"Why," Relena said without bothering to answer Heero's question, "are you calling me now, when we agreed to talk this weekend?"

She heard him huff. "I'd like to speak to my daughter now. I've waited long enough."

"She's at a slumber party."

"Where?"

Relena stiffened. "I'm not telling you that; then you'll want to go there, and you can't–"

"Relena." Heero cut her off. "I have a right to know where my daughter is. And I have a right to see her." His tone had darkened. Relena refused to cower, though.

"You gave up any rights when you betrayed me."

A beat. "Relena, I didn't betray–"

"I'm not going there with you right now, Heero," Relena snapped. "If you want to speak to Ellie, you'll have to wait another day, like we agreed."

To her surprise, Heero let out a low sigh. "This isn't how this is supposed to work, Relena. I know you would prefer I see Ellie when you see fit, but we are talking about legalities here. You can't keep me from her any more. I've given you plenty of time to–"

"To what?" she interrupted.

"To… come to terms with things," Heero finished. Relena's blood was beginning to boil.

"Oh, really? How courteous of you."

There was another long pause. Relena could visualize Heero pinching the bridge of his nose, counting down from ten before addressing her again. It made her want to slap him. The thought that he had any right to be annoyed with _her_…

"Tomorrow," he said flatly. "That's final."

"Fine." Relena gave in to his demands, but only because she wanted to end this useless conversation already. "I'll text you in the morning and let you know when to call."

"No," Heero growled. "I'm coming over."

Relena's face and neck began to burn. "You can't just show up here."

"Why not?"

"B-because," Relena stammered, hating how flustered she was getting, hating how he was affecting her. "Ellie thinks you've been away."

"No shit," Heero deadpanned. "So we'll tell her I'm back now. It'll be a surprise."

Now Relena had to pinch her own nose. "Heero…"

"It'll be fine, Relena. You think I'm some crazed drunk or something? I'm not. I've just… been through hell lately." His voice was broken, and the sound of it nearly broke Relena. Damn him for doing that to her, too. He knew how she couldn't stand knowing he was hurt.

"_You've_ been through hell?" She laughed dryly. "Please." There. She wasn't going to let his words hold any sway over her. No way.

"I know you have, too." Heero's voice had softened, which only irritated her further. "We need to talk, Relena."

"No, we don't," she said firmly.

"Yes, we do," Heero said with equal force. "We can't keep going on like this."

Relena chewed her bottom lip, not knowing how to answer that. Of course they couldn't avoid everything forever, although that would be ideal. They sure as hell couldn't go back to the way things used to be, either. But she didn't think that needed saying.

Another beat passed before Heero spoke again.

"Look," he said, sounding weary. "At the very least, we need to come up with some kind of schedule for Ellie that we can both agree on, until we decide on a more… long-term solution."

Relena continued to worry her lip, not answering. She heard Heero sigh again.

"Please, Relena… I don't want to have to take you to court." His voice caught, and her throat tightened. "I love you."

Relena clutched a hand to her chest. It took several deep, calming breaths before she could answer Heero. And by then, tears were prickling her eyes.

"Don't you say that to me," she whispered, shaking all over. "Don't you dare."

"It's the truth."

Oh, she was burning now. Her blood had truly boiled over, and everything she'd been suppressing all these weeks – all her pain, all her hurt, all her anger and anxiety and insecurities and fears – exploded inside of her like a pent-up volcano.

She screamed. She didn't even know _what_ she was screaming… something incoherent but awful and… nothing she had ever screamed before. Not at Heero. Not at anyone.

And then it was over, and there was nothing but silence on the other end. Not wanting to wait for a response, rage still spilling over, Relena chucked her phone at the wall with all her might. It didn't even leave a dent, just fell in a near-silent _poof_ onto her plush carpet, which was quite anticlimactic after her tirade.

Relena wasn't even sure if the phone was broken, or had even disconnected the call. She didn't care. She slumped onto the floor, curled herself into a ball and wept, ruining whatever remained of her makeup, and her evening.

* * *

_A/N: Uh... happy Monday? lol_

_\- RFP_


	12. I Had Me a Girl

**Chapter Twelve: I Had Me a Girl**

_I had me a girl_

_Like cigarette smoke_

_She came and she went_

_I slipped through his hands_

_To my backdoor man_

_Under his chin_

– The Civil Wars, "I Had Me a Girl"

"I'm going over there."

"Like hell you are."

Heero glared down at the phone in his hand in disbelief, Relena's screams still ringing in his ears. "She's out of her mind."

"Dude, she's just having a tantrum. I'm tellin' you, showin' up there now is just gonna make things worse."

Heero glared over at Duo, who was currently in the kitchen helping himself to a carton of the Chinese food he'd brought over as part of his "well-being check."

Heero shook his head to the side. "I doubt things could get any worse."

Duo shrugged both shoulders before popping a piece of orange-glazed chicken into his mouth. "Then it's your funeral," he said between bites.

Heero ignored him and tapped out a new message on his phone. He knew Relena probably wouldn't answer him, but he needed to make sure she was okay. He was worried she might have driven herself into a panic.

He began to pace back and forth between the kitchen and living room while Duo continued stuffing his face. But Heero couldn't be bothered to eat anything at a time like this.

"Dude, you're gonna wear a hole in the floor."

Heero just glowered in his friend's direction. "I'm going."

Duo sighed and set down the carton he was holding, gripping the sides of the kitchen counter. "Welp, I think it's a terrible idea, although I can't say I blame you. I'd at least throw on a kevlar, if I were you."

Heero looked blankly at Duo before ambling over to the couch, where he'd left his jacket. "I'm just going to check on her. Stay here as long as you want."

"Don't mind if I do," Duo said as he cracked open a fresh can of beer. "I was planning to crash, anyway, since I _did_ come all the way from space just to check on your sorry ass."

Heero rolled his eyes as he shrugged on his jacket. "As you can see, I'm fine."

Duo huffed. "Yeah, looks like you're doin' _real_ swell."

Heero didn't bother responding to that as he made his way toward the door. "Don't wait up."

"Right." Duo snorted behind his beer can. "Good luck, buck-o. Call me if you need backup!"

Heero rolled his eyes again and exited the apartment. Like he'd need _backup_ to deal with his five-foot-nothing wife.

Then again, he had no idea what he was walking into…

* * *

Relena made it to the restaurant just in time.

She was a little breathless and disheveled, but she'd managed to coax her hair back into place and fix her ruined makeup before dressing and heading out for the night. With any luck, her dining companion wouldn't be able to tell that she'd waged her own personal battle just to look presentable.

She'd had to summon all of her energy to pull herself back together, but Relena favored action over sitting around and continuing to wallow. She was better than that.

She was _stronger_ than that.

Relena kept her head held high as the maître d' led her over to the ornate gold and marble bar of the restaurant, where Paul was seated with a collins glass half-full of amber liquid. Their eyes met as Relena crossed the room, and Paul broke into a grin.

She smiled and extended a hand in greeting, but no sooner had she reached Paul than he leaned over and pressed a light kiss to her cheek. Relena returned the gesture, which was customary, although his sudden closeness threw her a bit.

Paul stepped back and gave her an appreciative once-over. "You look lovely."

"Thank you." Relena had chosen, quite at the last minute, a crepe burgundy dress with matching velvet pumps. She'd left her coordinating trench at the coat check, and was a little chilly in the restaurant, but then it was still early March. Relena hoped their table would be situated in a warmer spot than the bar.

Paul was wearing another one of his tweed blazers, this one in gray, with pants that almost matched. Relena found his off-kilter fashion sense endearing. Even at the gala, he couldn't be bothered to wear black tie. She wondered what it must be like to care so little about what others thought of one's appearance. Not that Paul had a bad appearance; not at all. He was quite handsome, in his way; he just looked as though he would be much more comfortable in a library than a swanky downtown restaurant. And even though Relena liked to get all dressed up, she also liked knowing that Paul prioritized loftier things.

"Well, our table should be ready," Paul said, gesturing toward the center of the restaurant. "Shall we?"

Relena nodded and smiled, letting Paul lead the way. His hand grazed the small of her back as they moved together, and she bristled. She wasn't sure why she was so on edge. Paul wasn't a stranger; not really. And they'd already danced together once. So why was she so prickly every time he touched her, even slightly? She had to chalk it up to damage from her earlier call with Heero.

Damage from Heero, in general.

Relena forced herself to focus on her present company. Luckily, Paul was an excellent conversationalist. They made pleasant chit-chat as the waiter came and took their order. To her surprise, Paul ordered for the both of them, but only after asking Relena if she had any food allergies or restrictions. She shook her head "no" and let him select the house special, the house wine, everything. Part of her was impressed with his take-charge attitude; the other part of her was slightly disappointed. Half the fun of eating out was trying something completely different from Heero, so they could share and–

She couldn't believe she'd let her thoughts take her there. Again. Relena gritted her teeth and resolved to put Heero Yuy far from her mind for the rest of the night.

Which, as it turns out, was not so difficult. But only because, not long into her meal, Relena began to feel an acute pang in her stomach.

Maybe she'd waited too long to eat, and had devoured her meal too quickly. She sipped her water slowly, hoping the pain would vanish on its own. But moments later, the cramping intensified. Paul gave her an odd look.

"Relena?" He paused with his fork mid-air. "Are you all right? You look a bit green…"

Relena smiled and pushed up from her seat, a little too abruptly to be casual. "I'm fine. I just need some air."

Paul lowered his fork and made as if to stand. "Would you like some company?"

Relena swayed slightly on her feet, gripping her chair before she could be too obvious. "Oh, no, that's all right. I'm just going to freshen up in the powder room."

And by that, she meant hurl her guts out.

Relena made the most graceful dash she could manage to the nearest ladies' room, which was still too far away in her moment of need. She passed the men's room on the way, which figured. Why were the women's bathrooms always located _past_ the men's? She could make a million arguments for why women needed more convenient access than men, from periods to makeup and wardrobe emergencies, to changing diapers and potty-training little ones, for starters.

But she didn't have time to ruminate on such annoyances. Not when her latest meal was churning around in her stomach, ready to make a reappearance at the worst possible second.

Relena all but flew through the restroom door and into the nearest stall, and did her best to neatly gather her hair over her shoulder before she bent over the toilet and retched until her throat burned and her chest ached.

* * *

_A/N: Happy Tuesday! I don't usually do a double post like this, but I felt the need after reading some of your VERY vocal feedback on the last chapter, which I really appreciate! You guys seriously rock. Now I wish I could promise things are gonna get better, but... this IS a drama, so... batten down the hatches, y'all... I'm actually really excited about some of the upcoming scenes. I hope you'll enjoy them despite all the angst. There are a few lighthearted moments coming up, too, so don't despair! And you know, you can always hope because this IS Heero and Relena, after all, and I like to believe, even in my drama-stirring little heart, that as long as they're both still breathing, they will always find their way back to one another, somehow... so hang on, please!_

_Also, I was inspired by ViciousBluesummers to go back and add chapter titles to this story :) I always like having them for multi-chapter fics. Hope you enjoy! _

_We're ending this chapter on another little cliffhanger, so of course I have to ask: what do you think is gonna happen? :P_

_Hugs!_

_\- RFP_


	13. Come On Back

**Chapter Thirteen: Come On Back**

_We carved a story in these boards_

_Watching life go back and forth_

_You take it all for granted, then you leave_

_And then it takes a while to realize what you need_

_If never you find what you're looking for_

_Come on back to the front porch_

_Say my name through the screen door_

_Come on back to the front porch_

_Whatever you've done, it doesn't matter_

'_Cause darling we're all a little splintered and battered_

_But the light is on, what you waiting for?_

_Come on back, come on back..._

– Joy Williams (formerly of The Civil Wars), "Front Porch"

Heero maneuvered his black SUV up the long stone driveway, coming up to the darkened house. Relena didn't appear to be home, unless she was sleeping. Heero paused to look over their property before pulling his car into the garage.

If Relena were in anything but a deep sleep, she would probably hear him. Heero half-expected to receive an angry call or text at any moment.

But he wasn't going to let that stop him. He'd already stayed away for far too long. And she could change all the locks and codes, if she wanted– which she had, starting with the front gate, but Heero figured out the new sequence in a matter of seconds. He quickly discovered the garage door's code had been changed as well. As well as the lock to the side door, which led into the mud room. It didn't matter; Heero had plenty of ways to get into their house. Some of which Relena didn't even know about. He had to be prepared for any and every scenario, after all.

Heero quickly picked the lock on the side door, making a mental note to fix it later. He wasn't about to leave any part of the house compromised. He'd been meaning to install a keypad on this door, anyway, but Relena had complained that they had too many of those already. She'd wanted one door where all she needed was a key, so Heero had indulged her.

Well, he was done indulging her.

A quick sweep of the house revealed that Relena was not, in fact, home. Heero could only assume she had gone to pick up Ellie. Which was just as well; he was content to wait.

He was going to see his daughter, on _his_ terms.

He had tried being reasonable, but Relena wasn't willing to give a single inch. And even though he had come there fully intending to check on her after her outburst, the more Heero walked around their dark, empty house, the more irritated he became.

She had kicked him out. His own wife. After refusing to hear him out. If the situation had been reversed…

He wasn't going to go there now. He needed to keep his mind occupied while he waited for the inevitable confrontation.

Heero decided to pass the time in his study. After missing three days of work, he had plenty to catch up on, and he could access his office server remotely. While he was at it, he might as well compile some books and other materials to bring to the office that he hadn't had a chance to retrieve before Relena gave him the boot.

As he pushed open the oak door and entered the familiar surroundings for the first time in weeks… Heero's emotions began to screw with him. Reminders of the life he shared with Relena, with Ellie, were everywhere, in the form of photographs, framed and hanging on walls, balanced on his bookshelves, covering his desk… That had all been Relena's doing – she loved to decorate – but Heero had allowed it, because even in his private study, he enjoyed having visual tokens of the love he shared with the woman he'd spent half his life with, and of the life they'd built.

Now, he wanted to tear it all down. His heart began to hammer as he looked around. There were photos of Ellie through the years, at all different ages; from the day of her birth to her first day of school, her first ballet recital, her first lost tooth... Tears clouded his eyes, and Heero sank into his leather desk chair. There, he was accosted with a picture from one day he'd rather not think about. Their wedding day.

It had been a rough day for Heero. He'd spent the whole day on edge, waiting for disaster to strike. He couldn't help it; the event was practically begging for an assassination attempt, with Relena as the perfect target. It really didn't help knowing that all of the best soldiers he knew were part of the wedding party. Heero had felt like a sitting duck all day, and couldn't relax for the life of him. And his discomfort was obvious in every photograph from that day, with his scowl front and center.

The fact that he had been visibly miserable throughout their entire wedding ceremony, and even during the reception afterward, probably should have been a red flag for Relena. But, oh no. She had lovingly created a wedding album, and framed all of her favorite photos, anyway. Of course, she looked radiant in every single one. She was about four months pregnant with Ellie by then, but the dress she'd chosen hid it well. He'd never seen her more beautiful; that was, until recently. Hell, she was the kind of woman who became more and more beautiful by the day.

These thoughts were not productive, Heero realized.

He turned the wedding photo around and started up his computer. This was one reason he'd never kept personal photos at work– too much of a distraction. That, and he didn't want anyone who walked into his office to have anything on him, even if most people knew who his wife was. Then again, he didn't have any photos in his new apartment, either; but that was only because he hadn't had a chance to take any with him. He decided he was going to take all of the ones featuring Ellie, and leave the rest.

Because at this point, Heero didn't hold out much hope that he and Relena were going to be able to reconcile. All he was there to do was to try, one last time, to get her to see his side. And to work out a way for him to see Ellie on a regular basis, without having to hire a suit to negotiate on his behalf.

But if it came to that, so be it. Heero decided, then and there, that he was not leaving the house until he and Relena reached some kind of agreement, even if all they could agree on was to hire counsel.

She could try to throw him out again, but she wouldn't get far. Last time, his guilt and shame had overwhelmed him. But now… now that he'd had plenty of time to think everything through, he was convinced he was innocent.

And he was going to make sure Relena knew it.

* * *

If Heero knew what Relena was doing, he would be furious.

Not only had she had dinner with another man that could _probably_ be construed as a date, but she had taken a cab to the restaurant and back. That was a non-negotiable "no" in the rule book of Heero Yuy.

But Relena had her reasons. Namely, she didn't want to get their longtime driver, Reginald, involved in their personal drama. He didn't need to know why she was meeting someone other than Heero at one of Brussels' chicest restaurants.

Also, Relena didn't want to throw up in her lovely town car. Although that hadn't been part of her reasoning when calling a cab for her return ride home, it was an unexpected bonus.

She felt like some trashy celebrity on a reality show she never asked to star in; she was absolutely sick, and there was more to it than whatever ailment was currently terrorizing her stomach.

After gathering what little remained of her dignity, enough to pay the driver and exit the cab, Relena stumbled up to the front gate and punched in the security code. She would then have to schlep all the way up the icy driveway in her heels, all in the name of security. Relena might have been sick and tired, but she wasn't stupid enough to start giving out codes to strangers.

It took her several minutes to make it to the front door, and she had to stop once to vomit in the bushes. But finally, blessedly, she reached the door, and entered in yet another unique code. The door beeped and whirred and granted her entry.

_Thank God. _She was home in one piece. And given that night's turn of events, she might not have been so lucky.

Oh, if Heero knew, she would never hear the end of it...

Relena locked the door behind her and removed her coat, hanging it on the nearest coat hook. And then something stopped her cold. The sound of movement.

Someone was in the house.

Relena went completely still and listened. The sound was coming from somewhere down the hallway to her left. She stood for a moment, straining to hear, but the sounds stopped and started again at odd increments. Almost like… No, she was too far away to tell what it was. She would have to get closer.

Her heart pounded wildly as she crept forward. She would need some kind of weapon… Of course. The handgun in her purse, that Heero insisted she carry at all times. She'd wanted to leave it locked up safely in her bedroom, but was glad now to have it at the ready. She had mace, too, but the gun would be better. She needed to have every advantage here.

Relena pulled the gun from her purse as silently as she could, gripping it in her hands the way she had been taught by… well, she wasn't going to focus on the bastard right now. The first thing she planned to do, after taking care of this intruder and calling the police, was going to be calling and yelling at _him_ for assuring her, time and again, that their security system was impenetrable.

Another lie to add to his growing collection of falsehoods…

Relena took several careful steps forward, noting, as she entered the hallway, that the door leading from the garage to the mud room had been broken into. So, the perp had cracked the code to the garage first. And the front gate, unless the person had scaled the massive walls surrounding their property. Which was doable, but foolish, as the move would have triggered several alarms. Why hadn't any of them gone off? Relena would have gotten alerts on her phone and wouldn't have come home, if that were the case. The plan was to either go straight to ESUN or Preventers, or to her brother's house, in a state of emergency. But, now…

A sliver of light shone up ahead, beneath the door of the last room at the end of the hallway.

Heero's study.

As Relena crept closer, the sound she heard was unmistakable: the clacking of a keyboard. Someone was in there, typing away.

So someone had broken in to steal data? Well, it was more than plausible, given both her and Heero's line of work. And more than likely, if a criminal wanted to get something on Heero, then they wanted something on her, too, and would dispose of her without hesitation.

Relena cocked her weapon, preparing herself for the worst.

At last, she reached the end of the hallway. She took a deep breath for courage, then kicked the door open, aiming her gun straight ahead of her.

"FREEZE!"

She was greeted with the deep rumble of a chuckle, and an all too familiar shock of dark hair. Relena's eyes bulged, and her mouth fell open.

Sitting at the desk with an air of amusement and nonchalance was none other than Heero Yuy.

* * *

_A/N: Happy FRIYAY, loves! Thank you once again to all of the stellar readers and reviewers. You guys make my life. It's been such a joy to write and share this story with you. There is still much more to come, but as today marks Day 1 of NaNoWriMo, I may disappear for a bit to work on my latest novel project. Don't worry; I still have several chapters of this drafted, so I'll continue to update as much as I can._

_The next couple of chapters have been my favorite to write so far. I hope you'll love them. I'm editing as I go, so I'll do my best to get those out to you over the next few days. Now... off to noveling! I hope you have an excellent Friday, wherever you are!_

_Big squishy hugs! _

_\- RFP_


	14. Let's Just Fight

**Chapter Fourteen: Let's Just Fight**

_So let's just fight_

_Maybe you could find some tears_

_And I could feel something real again_

_You and I know we need to figure this out_

_Tell me, is it too late now?_

'_Cause too many nights, we're falling asleep_

_With all of these doubts stuck in between us_

_Being polite is getting us nowhere now_

– Joy Williams (formerly of the Civil Wars), "If You Wanna Go"

"_Heero!" _Relena shrieked, her face burning, gun still aimed at his head. "What the hell are you _doing_ here?!"

Heero stood, raising his hands, although he was smirking at her. "Relena," he said by way of greeting.

Relena's eyes zeroed in on him. Unconsciously, she tightened her grip on her weapon. "Is this some kind of joke?"

Heero lowered his hands and took a step forward. "No. I came to talk to you, and see Ellie." He frowned and looked past Relena. "Where is she?"

"She's not here."

Heero's frown deepened as he repeated the question. "Where is she?"

She scoffed. "I believe I'm the one who should be asking the questions here? I'm the one holding a gun, after all."

To her utter annoyance, Heero had the gall to roll his eyes at her. "And I'd appreciate if you would lower your weapon. Remember your training? You really shouldn't aim a gun at anyone, unless you're prepared to use it."

Relena snorted. "You're one to talk."

Heero's eyes narrowed. "Put the gun down, Relena."

She gave him her the wickedest smile she could conjure. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Well, now you know how it feels."

He rolled his eyes again. "Yeah, okay. You've had your fun." He took another step forward, holding a hand out to her. "Give me the gun."

Relena's smile broadened. "You didn't say 'please'."

Heero didn't give her any more time to toy with him. He closed the distance between them, and snatched the gun out of her hands with seemingly no effort. All Relena could do was glare at him in response.

"If you really wanted to shoot me, you should have taken the safety off." Heero's smirk was back. Relena wanted nothing more than to smack the arrogant look right off of his face. Instead, she folded her arms over her chest and fixed him with her iciest glare.

"Now," Heero said as he moved back around to his desk, setting the gun down carefully, "I'll ask you again. Where is my daughter?"

_Your _daughter? Relena wanted to retort. "She's at my brother's house."

Heero gaped at her. "Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place."

"Because," Relena spat, "you would've tried to go over there, and–"

"And what?" Heero cut in, his eyes burning. "Tried to see my daughter, who I haven't seen in months?"

Relena sighed and planted herself in the leather armchair on the other side of Heero's desk. "I know how badly you want to see her, Heero; you've made that clear. But I would've appreciated your respecting my boundaries, instead of breaking and entering and scaring me half to death."

Heero cut a glare in her direction. "Yeah? Well, you scared me half to death, too. Earlier, when you were screaming your brains out at me on the phone."

Relena rolled her eyes, then decided to focus on the ceiling for a moment while gathering her thoughts. Heero sighed.

"And you left me no choice but to break in, changing all the codes and locks on me."

"Which you obviously had no trouble dismantling," Relena pointed out, shifting her gaze back to his.

Heero shrugged. "I set up the system. What did you expect?"

"Then why haven't you tried anything up till now?"

"Because I was _trying_ to respect your boundaries. Believe it or not."

Relena scowled at him. "Well, I still think you could have found a better way. I already agreed that you could come over tomorrow."

"Yeah, well I wasn't sure your offer still stood, after the way our conversation ended."

"I can't say you've done yourself any favors, after pulling this little stunt," Relena retorted. Newly angry, she leapt back to her feet. "Now get out."

Heero was nonplussed. "Go ahead, try to throw me out again."

Relena balled her fists at her sides, bearing down on him. "Fine. If you won't go willingly, I'll call the police and file a restraining order."

Heero snorted. "On what grounds?"

"You're threatening me," Relena said hotly.

"I haven't threatened to do a damn thing, other than stay right here, in the house I own with you," Heero said evenly. "But hey, tell them what you want. Lie and say I've been abusing you. That'll look great, splashed all over tomorrow's front page."

Relena could feel the rage building inside her. "I would say this qualifies as harassment, Heero."

He shrugged one shoulder. "Call it what you want. I don't care. I just want to see Ellie. If you're saying I'm going to have to lawyer up to do it, then I guess that's the way it's got to be." He looked at her askance. "It's too bad, though. Here I thought we could talk like reasonable adults."

"Reasonable?" Relena shrieked. "This is your idea of reasonable?" She threw up her hands and spun away, toward the door. "You are _unbelievable_!"

She stormed off, well aware that he would only come after her. "Don't you dare follow me," she called over her shoulder. "Leave me alone."

But Heero clearly wasn't listening. Relena picked up her pace as she cleared the hallway, turned back into the foyer and headed for the staircase.

Relena had barely gotten one foot on the first step when she felt Heero snatch her sleeve. She whirled on him. "I said, leave me alone!"

His eyes flashed, but he let her go. "Stop making this so difficult," he murmured. "We _need_ to talk, Relena."

She spun back around and mounted the stairs two at a time, but Heero was right on her heels.

So Relena took them off. One at a time.

And threw them at him.

Heero caught the first one, and tilted his head to dodge the second one, which sailed past him and landed on the foyer floor, skidding across the marble. And Heero just stood there, completely unfazed, as if guarding himself from a shoe attack were an everyday occurrence.

Relena unleashed an unladylike string of expletives and stamped up the remainder of the stairs.

* * *

Heero would have been laughing his ass off, if he wasn't angry and frustrated as hell.

Although part of him was amused that his wife was trying to murder him with footwear, the rest of him was determined to bring this nonsense to an end.

He followed Relena to their bedroom door; she didn't have a prayer in outrunning him. He wasn't trying to scare her, but he was done putting up with her antics. She slammed the door in his face, but Heero wrenched it open before she had the chance to lock it. Not that it would have stopped him for long, anyway.

Keeping her back to him, Relena scrambled toward the bathroom. Another door for her to lock. Another momentary obstacle. Heero was tempted to let her go lock herself in there, have her tantrum, and wait her out in the bedroom. She couldn't stay in there forever...

But Relena didn't even bother shutting the door behind her. Heero watched as she made a beeline for the toilet, flipped open the lid, and all but shoved her head inside as she emptied the contents of her stomach. Heero was momentarily thrown – he had not been expecting _that_ – but quickly recovered and sprang into action.

Heero knelt behind Relena, and carefully swept her long hair over her shoulder, where he continued to hold it back while she finished. She groaned and slumped back against his chest. Heero began rubbing her back in slow circles. Whether she wanted him there or not, whether she truly hated him or not, she was allowing it, so Heero continued to caress her, gently and methodically.

"When did this start?" he murmured.

"Earlier," she rasped. "Dinner." Her cheek was pressed to his; her skin felt warm.

"Hm." Heero's brow creased. "What did you eat?"

"Ah… some kind of white fish."

"From where?"

"Michel's."

Heero paused. "You went to Michel's? With who?"

"With _whom_," Relena corrected him. But then she sighed and answered his question. "A work colleague."

"Hm." That sounded… suspect. He let it go, for now. "And who else was there for security?"

He knew he had her when she didn't answer right away. "Relena..." he prodded.

"I don't need a bodyguard everywhere I go, Heero."

"Yes, you do." He could feel another fight rising between them, but he did his best to cool his temper. Still, she should have been more careful. "You could have been poisoned," he added.

"If that's the case, I'm sure this is nothing more than routine food poisoning," Relena sighed. "Happens all the time."

Heero grunted. "I'll need to know who you were with, Relena."

She sighed again, shifting against him. "His name is Dr. Paul Montgomery."

He frowned as his mind scanned over the name. "Wait… _that _guy?"

"Yes," Relena said, sounding defensive.

Heero's chest constricted. "Was it a date?"

"That's none of your business," Relena said coolly.

Heero's grip on her tightened. "Yes, it is. We're still married."

"Technically."

"Technically, my ass."

"Like you have any room to talk," Relena grumbled.

"I'm not dating anyone," Heero retorted.

"Well, I'm not _sleeping_ with anyone," Relena shot back. "Happy?"

"No," Heero groused. He rose to his feet, bringing Relena up with him. "For all I know, this guy was the one who poisoned you."

Relena turned around to face him, planting her hands at her hips. "Oh, really? Well, since I'm alive and well, I'd have to say that was a pretty piss poor assassination attempt, wouldn't you?"

"I wouldn't say you're well, right now." Heero frowned as he looked her over. She was deathly pale, and beads of sweat had broken out across her forehead. She was sweating through her silken dress, too. "We need to get you to the hospital."

Relena looked at him as if he'd grown two heads. "I'm not going to the hospital, Heero."

He hated playing this game, but for the moment, he humored her. "All right. Then how about some water?"

He moved to the cabinet where they kept their glasses, selected one and ran it under the motion-sensored tap. He'd installed a state-of-the-art water filter and faucet in the bathroom sink years ago, and added a custom glass cabinet, all because Relena liked having a fresh glass of water at night and didn't want to have to go all the way downstairs.

His wife. So spoiled.

Heero filled the glass and handed it to Relena, who immediately grimaced and held a hand to her stomach.

"I'm not sure I could keep it down…"

"You need to stay hydrated," Heero insisted.

Relena's face was pinched, but she took the glass from him and raised it to her lips.

One sip, and she was rushing back to the toilet. Heero crouched down beside her, once again trying to shield her hair from the onslaught.

"We're going," he said firmly.

Relena spent a minute coughing, her chest heaving, while Heero held on to her shoulders, before she twisted around to look at him. She frowned.

"Don't look at me like that."

His brows lifted. "Like what?"

"Like you're going to throw me over your shoulder and carry me to the hospital, caveman-style."

Heero's lips twitched. "Tempting."

Relena sighed. "Fine. I'll go. But no manhandling."

Heero released her. "As you wish."

Relena gave him a look he wasn't sure how to interpret. Hell, this night was nothing if not confusing. But no matter what had happened between them, one thing was for certain.

Heero was not about to let the mother of his child die on him.

And whichever bastard had poisoned her was going to pay.

* * *

_A/N: Teeheehee... that was almost too much fun. I hope you had as much fun reading this chapter as I did writing it! It's still pretty much my favorite so far. Thanks to Mistaken-Miracles helping to inspire the shoe scene. SHOOOOOOOES!_

_I hope to be back with another update soon, but NaNoWriMo is in full swing and my original sci-fi/fantasy novel has taken over my brain for the time being. Thank you as always to all the readers and reviewers!_

_\- RFP_


	15. If You Knew

**Chapter Fifteen: If You Knew**

_Why do you keep looking out the window?_

_Is there something left behind or never found?_

_Hmm, do I even want to know?_

_Oh, if you knew what I was thinking_

_I wonder if they'd even draw a tear_

_Oh, there's just one way to find out..._

– The Civil Wars, "Go"

Relena pressed her forehead against the passenger-side window, savoring the feel of the cool glass on her blazing skin as she watched the Brussels cityscape whiz by.

She was grateful that Heero, who was all but racing to the hospital, had finally stopped peppering her with questions about her evening. But that was probably because she'd mentioned that continuing to talk would only induce vomit, and she knew how much Heero valued the upholstery in his luxury SUV.

Oh, yes. That had shut him up nicely.

Relena wouldn't be surprised, though, if Heero ended up going to the restaurant later and launching a full-blown investigation. He'd likely succeed in getting the place shut down. She wished he would just let the matter drop, but she knew him far too well... He was like a dog with a bone.

She could glimpse his reflection in the window now; his jaw was clenched as he gazed forward, that unmistakable determination etched into his features. She could practically see his mind whirring. No, he wasn't about to let this rest. Not until he'd uncovered every breadcrumb– literally.

Relena sighed inwardly as Heero guided his car into a spot near the hospital's emergency entrance. Just being back in the familiar surroundings brought on a wave of nostalgia that she was not prepared to experience.

Not only was it the same hospital where Ellie was born… it was arguably where Relena's and Heero's romantic relationship began.

This was the very hospital where Relena had brought Heero after the infamous Mariemaia Incident, back on Christmas Eve, A.C. 196. At the time, Relena thought Heero would be furious to know that she was the one who'd admitted him; but he surprised her with how well he took everything. Of course, he was battered and exhausted; perhaps that was why he readily agreed to stay with Relena while he recovered, something else she had expected him to oppose. But to her surprise, and delight, he stayed… and stayed. One week turned into two. And then months passed. Heero joined her security detail. And then, over time, their friendship blossomed into something more… much more.

Less than two years later, Relena was pregnant with Ellie. And then they were married.

But sometimes, in the back of her mind, Relena had to wonder if the whole thing started because Heero was simply too tired to argue with her. Then they became involved and he got stuck.

Well, they weren't stuck any more, were they?

Relena's thoughts scattered as Heero turned off the engine and turned to her. "Feeling any better?"

She just shook her head to the side. Heero frowned and leaned forward, reaching a hand up to her face. Relena tensed as his fingers brushed her forehead, then shivered. His hand was cold.

"You're still warm," he murmured.

"Hmm," was all she managed.

Heero dropped his hand and unfastened his seatbelt. Wordlessly, he let himself out of the car. Relena waited for him to come around to her side, feeling woozier than she cared to admit. Heero opened the passenger door and extended a hand to her. And as much as she wanted to take care of herself, Relena slipped her hand into his and allowed him to pull her out of the vehicle.

They walked in silence to the hospital entrance, stepping through the automatic doors, into a full waiting room. Relena looked around in dismay. She didn't know how long she could sit in a room bursting with so many other sick and injured people. Her stomach began to churn again.

Heero steered her toward the reception desk. He did all the talking to check Relena in, and the receptionist typed in her information.

Already feeling like going there was a mistake, Relena sank into the nearest open seat, and Heero sat beside her. Several minutes ticked by; Relena sat staring at a bulletin board on the opposite wall, straining to read the posters under the fluorescent lighting. She was sweating, her head was pounding, and she felt as if she were going to be sick again any moment. It was only by sheer force of will that she managed to keep from retching right there on the floor, in front of everyone.

It wasn't long before Relena's name was called. She was a bit taken aback, considering how many other people were waiting ahead of them.

"I hate when they do that," Relena muttered as a nurse led her and Heero through a set of metal doors.

"I know," he murmured in response, "but in this case, it's a blessing. Just be grateful."

Relena frowned but nodded, relieved that she didn't have to explain her feelings any further; Heero already knew that she hated receiving special treatment when there were so many others in need. And yet… it was nice to be able to say so little, and have someone understand so much. She'd forgotten how easy their communication could be sometimes.

The nurse brought them to an exam room, where he took Relena's vitals – she did, in fact, have a fever – then began to ask a series of routine questions.

"Do you smoke?"

Relena shook her head. "No."

"Drink?"

"Occasionally," Relena said, ignoring Heero's arched brow.

"Exercise?"

"Yes."

"Okay, great." The nurse tapped on his tablet, then glanced up briefly, looking from her to Heero. "Any chance you could be pregnant?"

Relena laughed. "God, no." She turned to look at Heero. His face was white as a sheet. She gaped at him in return. "What?"

His gaze slid to hers. "You sure about that?"

Relena pursed her lips. "Pretty sure…"

The nurse drummed against his tablet. "When was the date of your last period?"

"Um..." Relena felt herself flush. She turned to Heero, like he would know… then again, he tracked so many things, he probably _did_ know. But he just shrugged.

_Shit._

"How about a test, just in case?" the nurse suggested. Relena found herself nodding. "Would you like some water?"

"No, thank you," Relena said quietly. All the while, her mind was racing. When _was_ her last period, anyway? She honestly couldn't remember…

Stupid period.

Stupid _her _for forgetting her stupid period.

No… stupid Heero for ruining her life and making her _feel_ so stupid, she could no longer remember things like her stupid period.

Next to her, she saw that Heero was tugging at his shirt collar, like the room had suddenly become suffocating to him. Well, she couldn't blame him… No, wait; yes she could. Because if she were pregnant, under these nothing short of terrible circumstances, it would be all his fault.

Well. Mostly his fault.

Fine. Fifty-percent his fault.

The nurse handed Relena a plastic sample cup and opened the door to the hallway, pointing out the nearest restroom. Relena just nodded, feeling numb, and wandered in the direction he pointed in, leaving Heero alone in the exam room.

As she entered the restroom, armed with her little cup, she automatically sent up a prayer.

_Please, God… please… _

But as Relena prepared to do what she needed to do, she realized that she didn't even know what, exactly, she was praying for.

* * *

Heero was aware of two things.

One: there was a distinct possibility that his wife was pregnant. Even though they had been separated for nearly two months, they _had_ made love right before Heero left on his mission. If Relena hadn't had a period since then, well. The writing was on the wall.

Two: his accidental one night stand could _also_ be pregnant. Had already indicated that she _was_ pregnant. _If _she was even telling the truth, of which Heero was highly skeptical. But he hadn't had a chance to look into the matter further, to try to prove that she had not only falsified their encounter, but also her alleged pregnancy.

And yet, if the worst case scenario turned out to be reality…

_Shit._

Heero was not prepared for this.

This could not be happening.

_Shit._

_Shit shit shit shit shit._

Heero sat, twitching, trying to regain his composure before Relena came back into the room. He couldn't tell her… not just yet. There was a great deal he needed to tell her, but this… this would have to wait.

First things first.

The door opened and Relena reentered the room, looking as somber as Heero felt. She sat back down on the exam table and glanced in his direction.

"So…"

"So," Heero echoed.

Relena laughed dryly. "Well. This is awkward."

Heero leaned forward in his seat. "Do you think... you really might be pregnant?"

Relena lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "I don't know. Maybe."

Heero felt all his muscles tense. "If… if you were…"

Relena loosed a breath. "Look, we don't have to get into this now..."

"I just want us to be prepared for the possibility."

Relena nodded slowly. "All right..."

"So…" Heero leaned forward again, his eyes seeking hers. Finally, Relena met his gaze. She looked a little shaken, uncertain. Well, that made two of them…

"If you were…" Heero started again. "Would that change anything?"

For a moment, Relena looked as if he'd just doused her with a bucket of ice water. She blinked. "Well. I…"

They were interrupted by the nurse poking his head in the door. "Dr. Jansen is just finishing up with another patient. She'll be with you shortly."

Relena smiled in his direction. "Thank you."

The nurse closed the door, leaving them alone again. Heero waited for Relena to answer his question. But her eyes were downcast, her fingers twisting a loose thread on the hem of her dress.

Against his better judgment, he found himself reaching for her hands. They felt clammy in his own, which troubled him, even though he was also relieved that she didn't immediately pull away.

"Relena… you know that no matter what happens… whether you're pregnant or sick or…" She lifted her eyes to meet his, looking wary. Heero drew in a deep breath. "Whatever happens," he plowed ahead, "I'm here for you. All right?"

Relena looked down at their joined hands, then back up at his face. She opened her mouth to answer, but the door opened again.

This time, a middle-aged woman with chestnut-colored hair swept in. "Good evening," she said warmly, smiling at Relena and Heero. "I'm Dr. Jansen. Nice to meet you both."

Heero nodded curtly, willing the doctor to cut to the chase. Her next words could change everything.

"Well, this appears to be a nasty bout of food poisoning." The doctor pulled a face. "I'll give you something now for the nausea and fever, but after that, something over the counter will be fine."

Relena nodded. "Okay. Thank you."

"You should start to feel better in the next few days," the doctor added. "But if not, call me and we'll start you on a course of antibiotics."

"What about the pregnancy test?" Heero cut in. He couldn't help it.

"Negative," Dr. Jansen said absently. "As I said, this seems to be just food poisoning."

"Right." Heero turned back to Relena. He wasn't sure, but for a split second, he thought he saw a flicker of disappointment cross over her features.

* * *

As they drove home in silence, Heero felt an ache he hadn't anticipated. He didn't understand why; it was better that she wasn't pregnant. A pregnancy would have only further complicated their already complicated situation.

He came to a traffic light and eased the car to a stop. Heero stole a glance at Relena as she sat sulking out the passenger window. He realized he would have given anything to know what she was thinking in that moment, but he didn't dare ask.

Then again, maybe he was better off not knowing.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's been reviewing this story! This just reached 101 reviews as of today, and I'm so excited and honored! I just had to rush out another chapter to say thank you; hopefully I'll be able to get the next installment out to you soon. In the meantime, I'm trucking along with my original sci-fi/fantasy novel for NaNoWriMo, and I'm happy to report that it's finally starting to come together and resemble an actual story, lol... Fingers crossed I can keep up this writing momentum for a long, long time. :D_

_Anyway, happy Hump Day and thank you again!_

_Love love love,_

_\- RFP_


	16. Looks Like You Made Up Your Mind

**Chapter Sixteen: Looks Like You Made Up Your Mind**

_Did sirens steal your heart when you weren't looking?_

_Where'd you learn to lie the way you do?_

_Looks like you made up your mind_

_I'd have to say I didn't see this coming, but who does?_

_You won't want to see me standing in the door, so go..._

– The Civil Wars, "Go"

Relena sat with one hand pressed flat against her stomach throughout the entire drive home, although her nausea had effectively vanished. Amazing what a little pain reliever laced with a mild narcotic could do...

And yet nothing could stop the hollow ache pulsing in her core.

Relena hadn't expected to take a pregnancy test that night, even though she realized it was standard operating procedure for any woman of childbearing age. But after so many failed attempts, she had pushed that desire far from her mind; now, it was all she could think about.

The negative result should not have surprised her, but Relena felt thrown off-balance anyway. And all because for one tiny, fleeting moment, she'd allowed herself to hope. Which was silly. Did she really think a baby could repair her fractured marriage? If there was anything that could fix it, surely they would have come up with something by now. More than that… did she even want to?

Relena realized then that she had been rubbing her belly unconsciously. She stilled her hand, but only after she caught Heero giving her a sidelong glance. She forced her attention out the window.

"Almost there," he murmured, an effort, perhaps, to fill the awkward silence between them, or to calm her. Perhaps both.

"Mm-hmm." Relena didn't offer anything more than that, eager to avoid a long, drawn-out discussion with her estranged husband. At least Heero seemed to understand that, for a change.

Relena had come to learn over the years that Heero Yuy was not the strong silent type everyone else seemed to think he was; true, he was introverted to a fault, but when he felt passionately about something, he could argue like nobody's business. She was grateful, for now, that he was keeping that side of himself in check.

Heero didn't speak to her again until he'd parked his car inside the garage and turned off the engine. Relena sat numbly for a moment, knowing one of them needed to say something, but failing to find the words.

She could simply thank him for taking her to the hospital, promise to touch base tomorrow regarding Ellie, and let that be that. She doubted Heero would accept such a simple exchange, though. Not when she could feel the tension building inside the vehicle, like they were both trapped inside a bubble that was about to burst.

And she had no chance of springing herself from his car, dashing into the house and locking him out before he had a chance to catch her. Even with a head start, she'd never outrun him. And anyway, he'd already broken the lock.

So Relena decided to face her fears head on, and twisted in her seat to look directly at Heero. But he was speaking before she'd even opened her mouth.

"You seem to be doing better," he said, his eyes scanning her face.

Relena nodded. "Apparently the medication is working."

He nodded as well, his gaze still holding hers hostage. "Good."

Relena dipped her head. "All right, then… thank you for taking me. Even though I really didn't want to go."

Heero cracked a smile. "Yeah, well. I bet you're glad you did."

"Somewhat," Relena admitted. "I'm glad I'm no longer throwing up, at least. But…" She bit her lower lip, silencing herself. She didn't even have to say anything, she realized; he already knew.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Heero leaned forward, closing much of the distance between them. Relena felt her chest tighten and her cheeks start to burn.

"Not right now," she said, shaking her head firmly. "I'm too tired."

Heero nodded and turned away from her, his face a mask. "Then let's get you inside."

He was exiting his side of the car before Relena could open her mouth to protest; she could get herself inside, _thank you very much_. But once again, she allowed him to help her out of the vehicle, knowing she only had to endure a few more minutes with him, at least for that night.

They stepped into the mudroom together, Relena pausing to eye the door Heero had broken into. She looked back at him with one brow arched. He reached a hand up and scratched the back of his head.

"Yeah… I'll get on that," he answered her unspoken question. Relena bit back a smile.

"You'd better do it on your way out, so I won't have to wake up in the middle of the night worrying about serial killers breaking in," she teased.

"I'll do it right now," Heero said, bypassing her joking tone. "And I know you won't like this, but…"

Relena paused her steps, bracing herself. "What?"

"I think I should stay here tonight."

Relena's hackles shot up immediately. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I know," Heero murmured. "But hear me out. You shouldn't should be alone right now."

Relena sighed and crossed her arms around her middle. "But, honestly, I'm fine. I'm already feeling much better. It's _just _food poisoning," she added pointedly.

Heero mimicked her stance, folding his arms over his chest. "That's what the doctor said, but we don't know for sure."

Relena rolled her eyes. "If you won't trust what a medical professional tells you, what's the point of even going to the hospital?"

Heero shrugged. "I trust the doctor, to an extent. I'd still prefer to keep an eye on you myself."

"Of course you would." Relena gave a huff and spun on her heel, turning her back to him. She proceeded to the foyer, where she stopped long enough to remove her coat and drape it over the banister. She plopped her purse on the floor, then bent down to remove her heels, one at a time. She was fully aware of Heero lingering behind her all the while.

"Don't worry, I'll stay out of your hair," he murmured.

Relena all but snorted as she started making her way up the stairs. "Is that a promise?"

Heero nodded once. "I'll just… be downstairs if you need me."

Relena glanced down at him over her shoulder. He looked back up at her morosely. She felt a twinge of pity, but quickly pushed it down. He didn't deserve her pity; not after what he did to her. He was clearly trying to make up for it now, but Relena wasn't about to fall for it.

At the same time, she no longer had the strength to argue. So if he wanted to mope around downstairs… fine. She was done for the night. They could pick up where they left off in the morning, when Relena knew they would need to discuss Ellie…

_Shoot._

Her eyes jerked wide. Heero frowned at her.

"What's wrong?"

Relena groaned and ran a hand over her bangs. "I forgot to let Noin and Milliardo know I wouldn't be coming over tonight…" She turned around and quickly descended the steps, stooping to pick up her purse, which she began rummaging through frantically.

"Where did I put my stupid phone?" she muttered aloud. She hadn't even checked it in hours…

Heero started looking around as well. "Were you supposed to pick up Ellie tonight?"

"No… but I was going to spend the night so Noin and I could go out together in the morning." Relena sighed. "I can't find–"

Heero strode over to her, brandishing her phone. Relena's mouth dropped open. "Where was it?!"

"In your coat pocket," he said, handing it over. Relena rolled her eyes, this time at herself.

"God. I'm such a spaz right now."

"You're sick," Heero said simply.

Relena sighed and punched in her PIN to unlock her phone, only to find a slew of missed calls and unopened text messages. "Oh, God," she moaned. "Look at all these…"

"Do you want me to call them?" Heero asked. "It'll take two seconds."

Relena must have looked as exhausted as she felt. She nodded gratefully, stashing her phone in her purse. She didn't even want to look at it until tomorrow. "I suppose you'll want to speak to Ellie," she sighed.

"Of course I do," Heero said, his gaze softening.

"Well, then you should." Relena lowered her eyes. She couldn't bear the tender way he was looking at her.

"It's all right," he said slowly. "It can wait."

Relena snapped her head back up. "Really?"

"I'm going to see her tomorrow." He looked at her expectantly. "Right?"

"Right." Relena began twisting a long lock of hair around her fingers. "About that. We should discuss the best way to approach this…"

"I agree," Heero said, taking a few steps toward her. "We can talk in the morning, after you've had a good night's sleep."

Relena nodded, her chest tightening. "Okay."

Heero smiled, looking more relaxed than she'd seen him in a long while. "How about some tea?"

Tea sounded good, but Relena didn't want Heero doing her any more favors. The sooner they parted for the night, the better, she told herself.

"No, thank you," Relena said quietly. "I'll just have some water if I get thirsty." She was feeling parched, all of a sudden.

Heero nodded and stepped away from the staircase. "All right. Get some rest." Relena nodded her thanks and began to turn away, too. But his eyes clung to hers.

It would be all too easy to cower under such intensity, but Relena forced herself to break eye contact. She wasn't up for a staring contest.

She wasn't up for much at all.

At last, Heero traipsed off to another part of the house, and Relena retreated upstairs to their bedroom. Only after she was safely inside, with the door closed behind her, did she allow the tears to fall freely.

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for all the feedback on the last chapter! Hope you enjoyed this one and that you're having a great start to your week. See you again soon!_

_\- RFP_


	17. Tired of Being Broken

**Chapter Seventeen: Tired of Being Broken**

_I don't want to hurt you _

_(Do you ever listen?)_

_I don't want to run _

_(You're not the only one)_

_I don't want to touch you _

_(I'm tired of being broken)_

_Look what we've become_

_(Look what we've become)_

_I don't even care_

_(I don't really need you)_

_I don't want to go_

_I don't want to go _

_(I don't want to stay)_

_I don't want to stay _

_(I don't want to go)_

– The Civil Wars, "Go"

Heero was wired.

After he finished repairing the lock on the door he'd broken – which he tried to do as quietly as possible – he wandered around the house, looking for other projects to occupy his time. But other than a slightly leaky faucet in the downstairs bathroom, there wasn't much in the house that needed fixing.

Not structurally, at least.

So he wound up back in his study, where he absentmindedly sat at his computer and clicked through a few reports until his eyes began to glaze over… The next thing he knew, he was waking up with a stiff neck. He blinked his eyes open and sunlight flooded his vision.

Heero groaned and rubbed the back of his neck. It had been a long time since he'd fallen asleep in his office chair, but... it still beat sleeping on a crappy futon.

He breathed in and his nostrils were met with a warm, fragrant aroma. Heero stood, stretched, and followed the scent to the kitchen.

There, he was greeted with a sight for sore eyes: Relena, in her fuzzy pink bathrobe and slippers, making a fresh pot of coffee. Heero blinked, wondering if he was imagining things as he watched Relena pull a mug down from a nearby cabinet. She certainly wasn't getting coffee for herself.

"Hey," he said softly from the doorway, so that he wouldn't scare her. She'd scolded him many times over the years for sneaking up on her.

Relena glanced over her shoulder at him as she finished pouring coffee into the mug. "Hey," she returned. "I was just coming to revive you. I can't believe you fell asleep in your chair like that."

"Yeah… I wasn't planning on it." Heero moved toward the kitchen island and accepted the mug as Relena handed it to him. "Thanks," he said before taking a grateful sip. It tasted much better than the instant stuff he'd been making in his apartment, since he'd never bothered to buy his own coffee pot. He set the mug down but kept his hands wrapped around it. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." Relena reached for the teacup in front of her. Green– her usual morning tea. "How about you? Did you sleep all right?"

Heero shrugged. Relena gave him a knowing look.

"Well, I wanted to get you up and about, since Ellie will be home in a few hours."

Heero nodded, taking this in. "I see."

"So." Relena leaned forward, placing her elbows on the island, steepling her fingers in front of her. Her negotiating stance. Sure enough, her brow furrowed as she looked at him– all business. "I thought we could discuss how we want to approach this..."

Heero took another moment to sip his coffee before answering. Despite her power pose, Relena was acting surprisingly calm. It caught him off-guard, although he wanted to remain optimistic.

"I'll do whatever you want," he said after a beat. "I just want to see Ellie."

"You will," Relena said evenly. "I just think maybe… we should be careful what we tell her, at first."

"All right." Heero paused, the mug poised at his lips. "So what do you want to tell her?"

Relena drew in a deep, shaky breath. "That's just it. I think, for now…" She lowered her eyes to the island. Heero eased forward.

"Yeah?"

Slowly, Relena raised her eyes. "I think… like we talked about before. You could surprise her, like you just got back from your 'trip.'" Relena made quotation marks with her fingers. "And until we've figured this whole thing out, we just… act like everything is normal."

Heero frowned, considering her words. "I don't want to lie to our daughter…"

"I know," Relena sighed. "I… haven't been honest with her. And I hate that." She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "But… she hasn't seen you in so long… I don't want to crush her whole world."

Relena turned her face to the side, dropping her gaze again. She looked like she was blinking back tears. Heero fought the instinct to go around to her side of the island and take her in his arms, knowing she wouldn't want that. Especially since he'd already overstepped the bounds a few times. But it was hard to fight his natural instincts when it came to the woman he'd loved for half his life.

He kept his gaze on her, willing her to look back up at him. "We don't have to crush her world," he murmured. "We can still fix this."

Relena let out a staccato laugh and rolled her eyes. Not the reaction he was hoping for.

"We can," he added more adamantly. "We need to try, though."

Relena chewed her lower lip, which was starting to tremble. "I don't want to do this right now, Heero."

"Do what?"

"Talk about…" She gestured at the space between them. "Everything."

Heero nodded, gripping his mug. "We don't need to talk about it all now. But we do need to talk at some point."

And as he thought about everything he still needed to tell her, he clutched his mug so tightly, it was a wonder the thing didn't crack in half.

Relena seemed to be concentrating on dunking her tea bag up and down in her cup. "I think," she said slowly, "when we do have this talk, we should have a third party present."

"You mean like a counselor?" Heero could agree to that.

Relena pursed her lips. "I mean like _counsel_."

Heero's jaw tensed. "You want to go through an attorney?" Relena bit her lip again but didn't answer him. Heero rubbed a hand down his face. "Why don't we try a marriage counselor first?"

"I'm not sure that will work." Relena kept her eyes trained on her tea.

"We won't know until we try," Heero said gruffly. It was an effort to keep his temper from flaring, but this was his biggest issue with Relena: he wanted to fix things, but she didn't even want to make an attempt.

"I don't know if I _can_," she said emphatically, pressing a hand to her chest. "I'm doing my best right now, Heero, but it's difficult for me to be under the same roof as you, let alone in the same room."

Heero ran a hand through his hair. "We did all right last night…"

Relena looked at him askance. "You mean before or after I tried to kill you?"

"I wouldn't say you _tried _to kill me," Heero said wryly.

"Oh, but I wanted to," Relena said, tipping her head to the side. "You're lucky I have terrible aim."

"Your aim's fine. But my reflexes are better." Heero shot her a smile. To his relief, Relena gave him a faint one of her own.

"Well, just so you know, I'm not proud of my behavior last night." Her face darkened. "I'm just… really angry with you, still, and I don't know how to process that."

Heero hated knowing that she felt that way, knowing that it was his fault. He wanted to help her, but he wasn't always so good about processing his anger, either. He chanced a step toward her.

"Wanna hit me?"

Relena gaped up at him. "Seriously?"

He shrugged. "It might make you feel better."

Relena laughed derisively. "I wish it would. Sometimes I pretend the punching bag is your face, though." Her lips twitched. Heero chuckled.

"Yeah? Does it help?"

She shook her head, sighing. "Not really."

Heero's chest heaved. "We need to talk through this, Relena. Clear the air," he urged. "We don't need lawyers to do that; we're not negotiating terms here."

"Not yet," Relena murmured. Heero jammed his fingers through his hair.

"Please give me another chance to explain."

Relena sighed again, wrapping her arms around herself. "I will, for Ellie's sake. But not right now. I don't want to be a crying mess when she gets home."

"All right…"

Heero watched as Relena spun on her heel and deposited her tea cup into the sink, and started scrubbing vigorously with a dishwashing wand and soap. That task done, she marched right past Heero, out of the kitchen and into the dining room. Clearly, she was finished with this part of the discussion, and Heero didn't have the heart to try to argue with her anymore.

She paused in the doorway and glanced back at him. "So… what are you going to do now?"

"You mean this morning?" She nodded. Heero shrugged. He had plenty of work to do, but he figured he ought to check in with Duo at some point. He hadn't even bothered to text him last night.

"I need to stop by my apartment," Heero said, although it was the last place he wanted to go, now that he'd spent the night back in his house. "I have a house guest."

Relena blanched. "Oh?" Heero hid a satisfied smile. It was clear from her expression that she was immediately jealous, although she was also misinformed.

"Yeah," Heero continued, wanting to savor the look on Relena's face, but not wanting to torture her, either. "Duo's visiting for a couple weeks."

"Oh." Relena's features instantly relaxed. "Well, I'm sure he has some choice words for me, but do give my love to him and Hilde, anyway."

"Will do."

"So what's the plan?" Relena asked. "When will you be back?"

"As soon as you tell me to be here," he replied evenly. "I'll just pick Duo up and get some breakfast, then drop him at HQ for the day. He can catch up with whoever's around and get himself a car for the rest of his trip. Then…" He shrugged. "I guess I'll shower, change and head back over here."

Relena was already shaking her head. "No, no. Don't do that; you look rumpled, like you've been traveling." She tapped a finger to her chin. "You should come back here with a suitcase, too..."

Heero frowned. "Yeah? Should I bother filling it, or is it all for show?"

"Well…" Relena spread her hands. "I mean… you should probably bring whatever you'll need for the next few days or so. I imagine you'll be staying here until we figure something out?"

Heero cocked a brow. "That's up to you."

She sighed. "We've already decided we're not telling Ellie anything today. Right? So let's just try for one normal day, and see how that goes." Her gaze found his. "Does that… sound okay?"

It sounded way too good to be true. Heero swallowed around a lump forming in his throat. "Yeah," he choked out. "I'll… see you later, then."

Relena nodded briskly, echoing his parting words as she sauntered upstairs. Heero remained where he was, watching her go, not quite believing what was happening. She was putting off talking to him about their relationship, on purpose. And yet, she was also allowing him to come home for an indeterminate amount of time.

It wasn't a resolution, but… it wasn't an ending, either.

Eventually, Heero managed to get himself moving. He located his wallet and car keys, and decided to trade the leather jacket he'd worn the night before for his much warmer wool coat– yet another item he'd failed to grab the last time he was home, the night everything went to hell.

Heero shrugged on his coat and headed out to his car. He pulled out of the garage and into the driveway, glancing up at the pale morning sky as the winter sunshine warmed his face.

And he smiled.

* * *

_A/N: Hi, everyone! I feel so far away from this story right now because NaNoWriMo is kicking my butt! I've got around 30,000 words written of my sci-fi fantasy story, and it's so wacky and fun to write but is basically taking up all my free time right now. Also, next week my husband and I are closing on a new house, so EEEEEE! Needless to say, my world feels a little topsy-turvy right now. But I will do my best to stay on top of this story! I hope you're enjoying it, still :D After this chapter it kinda feels like we're close to an ending, huh? But oh, yeah, there's still some stuff that needs to happen... mwuahaha... Thank you so much for following and reviewing! _

_Hugs & Heero (no seriously, someone give him biiiiiiig hugs)!_

_\- RFP_


	18. Those Old Butterflies

**Chapter Eighteen: Those Old Butterflies**

_So bitter_

_In my heart and in my mouth_

_She's a quitter_

_But I guess we're both quitting now_

_Oh, well_

_There's always a second time around_

_It was hard to breathe_

_She was holding me_

_Now she's gone and I can't get no air_

_Those old butterflies_

_Guess they haven't died_

'_Cause they're eating me alive in there_

– _John Paul White (formerly of The Civil Wars), "Black Leaf"_

Heero arrived back in his apartment to a low, drawn-out whistle, followed by a one-man chorus of _bow-chicka-wow-wow's._ He glared at Duo, who was stretched out on the couch with his feet propped up one end. Duo shot Heero an indolent grin.

"Well…?"

Heero didn't answer, just strode over to the kitchen and opened the cabinet where he kept a box of instant coffee. It would pale in comparison to Relena's, but fixing a cup would give him something to do. He busied himself filling the kettle with water and setting it on the stovetop to boil.

Unfortunately, Duo either didn't pick up on social cues, or didn't care– knowing him, a combination of both. He followed Heero into the kitchen, still sporting that goofy, lopsided grin.

"So… I assume you and the missus kissed and made up?" He elbowed Heero's side. "And then some, eh?"

"None of your business," Heero said automatically. He kept his back to Duo, fixing his gaze on the kettle and willing it to boil already.

"Nice," Duo said with a chuckle. Heero remained impassive. Fine; let him think what he wanted.

"I'm going back to the house, so I figured I'd drop you at HQ." Heero glanced back at Duo.

"What?!" Duo squawked. "How 'bout I drop _you_ off, and you give me your car for the day?"

Heero snorted. "How about… no."

Duo folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against the nearest counter. "Then what am I supposed to do for a vehicle, hmm?"

"Ever heard of a rental?"

"I mean for _free._ I'm not made of moola, ya know."

Heero shrugged one shoulder. "Take a car from work."

Duo's eyes bulged. "Aw, yeah, I keep forgettin' you're in charge now. Une would never in a million _years_ let me–" He cut himself off with a nervous chuckle. "Ya know what? Forget I said anything."

Heero gave him a cutting look. "Why? What'd you do?" Duo just laughed again, reaching up to scratch the back of his head. Heero sighed. "Try not to total anything, all right?"

"I mean…" Duo spread his hands. "That's what insurance is for, right?"

Heero narrowed his eyes. "Don't make me fire you."

"Ooh, looks like the boss man's in a mood. He must be dyin' to get back to wifey and his warm be– _oof_!" Duo was silenced by a swift jab to the ribs.

"Talk about Relena again, and I'll pawn you off on Barton for the rest of your stay," Heero warned.

Duo bent forward, clutching his abdomen and sucking in a deep, shaky breath. Heero rolled his eyes at the dramatics– he hadn't hit the other man _that_ hard.

"Please, anything but that," Duo groaned. "I won't last a second in Trowa's creepy-ass clown apartment!"

Heero chuckled darkly. Barton did have odd taste in decor. "Look," Heero said, "I'll just bring you to HQ and you can barnacle on to whoever you want, all right?"

Duo sighed. "Yeah, okay, swell. So when do you expect you'll be back, anyway?"

"No idea," Heero answered honestly. "I'll give you a key."

"A key, eh?" Duo let out a low whistle. "Really slummin' it these days, aintcha?" Heero grunted a nonverbal reply, to which Duo chuckled. "Ah, well. Not much longer though, right?"

"Guess not." Heero declined to go into further detail. Duo didn't know the real reason Heero and Relena were separated; he didn't need to know. No one did.

The kettle sang out as it finally reached the boiling point, so Heero set about making two cups of shitty instant coffee. Duo pulled a face as Heero handed him a mug of the soupy brown liquid, but didn't otherwise complain.

"Well..." Duo said after taking a tentative sip. "Must feel pretty good, going back home."

For the first time in their entire exchange, Heero allowed himself to smile. "Yeah. It does."

And yet he couldn't escape the feeling of dread that loomed like a stormcloud, threatening to burst overhead. He opened his mouth to say more, then clamped it shut. Part of him wanted to tell Duo – tell _someone_ – everything that was plaguing him. The truth about what went wrong with Relena. The truth about Raquel. But talking about it out loud would make it all too real, and Heero was still hoping this was all some nightmare he could still wake up from, any moment.

Heero did his best to push his worries from his mind as he got ready for the rest of the day. He ignored Relena's request not to shower and ending up changing into one of his uniforms, which was slightly rumpled and therefore might meet his wife's approval– _if _they were going to try to convince their daughter that he had just landed from a mission. Which Heero still thought was an absurd idea, but if Relena insisted, he felt he had to go along with it. While he was at it, he threw what few possessions he'd brought to the apartment into his duffel bag – he hadn't had time to pack a suitcase the night Relena had thrown him out – and tossed it into the backseat of his car, earning an annoying little smirk from Duo.

It took maximum effort to continue to ignore Duo's constant innuendos throughout their breakfast together, and then their ride over to HQ. Heero found himself counting down the minutes to when he could return home and see his daughter again. Not to mention, his wife…

His mind roved over every possible scenario he could conjure. Today could either go smoothly or terribly wrong, he realized. There was no room for failure. No matter what, he had to try to keep Relena happy, even if that meant going along with her lie. At least for now. He could only pray Ellie wouldn't see right through her parents' deceit and call them out on it. Their kid was pretty sharp, after all, something that normally made Heero swell with pride. But here he was hoping they could fool her. He felt like an ass, a feeling he was experiencing far too frequently these days. All he could do now was hope that he would have a chance to put everything right.

Any hope he'd been harboring died the minute he and Duo entered the Preventers office, where he found Trowa leaning over a cubicle wall, his long bangs obscuring half his face, as he spoke to a woman sitting in the cube. A woman with an all too familiar dark, messy bun.

Heero halted his movements, his chest seizing up.

Duo paused beside him, shooting Heero a sideways glance. "Wassup?"

Trowa's head jerked up, and so did hers. Trowa greeted Heero and Duo with a tip of his chin, his expression blank as ever.

Heero willed his own face to stay neutral, but had a feeling he'd already lost that battle. Raquel, for her part, looked just as shocked to see him. Her cheeks reddened and her eyes widened before she lowered them to her lap.

Heero quickly recovered. This was his domain. And Raquel was not supposed to be there, under his explicit order.

"Barton." Heero slid his gaze to Trowa. "My office," Heero barked. "Now."

* * *

With a heavy sigh, Relena set down the book she had been trying to read for the past hour or so. All she'd managed to do so far was reread the same paragraph over and over until the page blurred. Her head was swimming, and nausea still roiled her stomach. She'd made another cup of tea – peppermint, this time – and nibbled on a few saltine crackers, but nothing seemed to make her feel any better.

Of course, she knew the real reason for her troubled thoughts and nervous stomach, and had to wonder if it was that, and not food poisoning, that had brought on this bout of sickness in the first place.

Giving up on the book entirely, Relena swung her legs over the side of the bed. Maybe a hot shower would help. At the very least, she wanted to freshen up before Ellie got home. Heero would be back soon, too, and then… Well, Relena didn't know what. She could only hope that they could remain civil with one another long enough to give their daughter a pleasant weekend, before they ruined her life with the truth.

Pushing that unbearable thought aside, Relena padded into the bathroom and over to the shower stall– another custom, state-of-the-art feature in the master bathroom that was nothing short of gorgeous. Heero had really outdone himself here; the beautiful, colorful mosaic of glass, stone and tile he'd installed rivaled the handiwork of any craftsman. Whenever Relena stepped into the shower, she felt as if she were in a luxury spa. And this was just one of many rooms in their home Heero had labored in until it was absolutely perfect. He'd done all of it, for her.

Relena let out a frustrated huff. Look where all of that perfection had gotten them.

She continued trying to bat negative thoughts away as she stepped into the shower, squeezed shampoo into her palm and began to work up a lather. The steamy air around her became clogged with a heady mix of neroli, lavender and jasmine. Heavenly, calming scents, doing nothing to calm her at all. Memories swirled in her mind, and even the happiest ones only served to taunt her.

Relena spent a moment struggling to hold back her tears before giving in and letting them roll down her face, mingling with the shower stream. Try as she might, she just couldn't see how they were going to make this work. There was too much hurt and anger between them. Too much between them, period. And yet, their lives were so intertwined, unraveling them was proving to be even more complicated…

"What are we going to do?" Relena sighed, out loud, to no one.

All she could do, for now, was vow not to let herself dissolve into a crying mess in front of Heero or Ellie. No matter what, she would _not_ fall apart. She was stronger than that. Relena rinsed the shampoo out of her hair and finished up her shower, newly determined.

But as she stood at the bathroom mirror and combed the knots out of her wet hair, keeping her composure was becoming more and more difficult. Especially as her mind kept straying to the events of the night before. And what an eventful night it had been. For one thing, Relena never could have imagined pulling a gun on Heero, even though he had taken her by surprise. But then as they'd argued, her anger had mounted until she felt like she actually _could_ kill him, or at least try to make him suffer as much as she had. Those kinds of thoughts terrified her; and yet they paled in comparison to the mere possibility of being pregnant right now.

In truth, she didn't know what she would have done if the hospital's test had come back positive. Heero had asked her if it would make a difference; but how could it? How could they possibly put everything behind them and come together to raise a baby?

And yet, crazy and complicated as it was… Relena couldn't deny the sharp pang of longing that struck her. She _wanted_ to have a baby; wanted it more than anything. Finding out that she wasn't pregnant had only reaffirmed the desire in her heart. And she knew, then and there, despite everything that had happened between her and Heero… if she had actually been pregnant, she would have figured it out. Relena shook her head at her pale, miserable-looking reflection. Ruminating on all of this now was pointless. She wasn't pregnant, so… it was time to let those hopes and dreams go, once and for all.

Relena returned to her bedroom and went through the motions of getting dressed, selecting a soft, oversized blush-colored sweater and an equally cozy pair of leggings and knee-high socks before traipsing back to bed. She wasn't up for doing anything else at the moment, knowing she needed to rest and regain her strength. Maybe she'd just stay in bed and let Heero spend the day with Ellie alone. It wasn't a terrible idea, or so she tried to convince herself. Part of her wanted to be around to make sure Heero didn't tell Ellie anything potentially upsetting, but then why would he? He'd have to be stupid to risk their already-tenuous relationship, and Heero was anything but stupid. Although his recent course of actions had left Relena questioning that quite a bit…

And yet, as she laid in their king-sized bed, alone, as she'd been alone for the past two months, Relena became acutely aware of _another _pang of longing. It was probably just the baby thing, she told herself. Because there was no good reason that, tired and sick as she was, all she wanted right now was Heero. In bed with her. Holding her, kissing her, and…

_No. _She tried to force the thoughts away, but they kept invading her mind. _Damn it._

With a groan, Relena rolled over to face her nightstand and reached for her phone, heart pounding. Before she could stop herself, she scrolled to the most recent name on her call list and dialed.

The first ring had barely sounded before Heero answered. "Hey," he murmured on the other end. "Everything all right?"

"Hi. Um." For some reason, Relena was suddenly tongue-tied. She screamed at herself inwardly, but forced herself to get the words out. "Where are you right now?"

"At work." Relena could hear another muffled voice in the background, possibly Trowa's.

"Oh." Relena's heart continued to thrash wildly in her chest, although she still couldn't fathom why. _Stop being stupid, _she chided herself. "Well, do you think you could get over here soon? I… was hoping we could talk for a bit before Ellie gets home." There. That sounded reasonable enough. Didn't it?

"I'll be right there." Heero's eagerness didn't surprise her in the least. It almost made her smile.

_Ugh, you idiot, _she scolded herself. _Stop it._

Relena was going to have to try a lot harder than that to fight the useless desires that were welling up now that she had gone and foolishly invited Heero to come home earlier than they'd originally agreed to. And yet, she decided it was a good thing, overall; they really _did_ need to talk.

"Okay… great," Relena squeaked out. She cleared her throat, trying to sound more assured, confident. Nonchalant. "See you soon, then."

"All right," Heero said. "I'll head out in a few. There's just… something I have to take care of first."

"Okay." Good; that should give her time to compose herself again. "Drive safe," she added softly. It was something she'd always said to him, which he was sure to notice.

"I will," Heero said, and Relena thought she detected a trace of emotion in his voice. "See you soon."

"Okay…" she murmured. "'Bye."

"Later."

Relena quickly disconnected the call and thrust the phone away from her like it was on fire. _Eeeeep._ What was she doing, exactly? Did she want a baby so badly that she was willing to just… overlook everything Heero had done and hop back into bed with him? _No; no way. _She sat up straight in bed, pulling her knees up to her chest, and tried to think of the best way to approach this whole situation. No way was she going to just forgive Heero and sweep everything under the rug. First, she was going to demand another explanation. He was going to have to walk her through that horrible night, all over again. Painful as reliving all of that would be, Relena knew there was no way around it; they _had_ to talk about it.

But, then… maybe, just maybe, they could reach some sort of understanding. Maybe Relena should try to hear him out; maybe there was something she had missed the first time, when she was so blinded by hurt and anger. Heero had been hurt by her reaction, too. She recalled something he'd said to her, in the midst of her throwing him out of the house… that if the situation had been reversed, he would have believed her. And instead of blaming her for some guy just crawling into _her _bed, without her knowledge or consent… Heero would have been hunting that man down.

Relena let out a deep sigh. Perhaps that's what she should have been doing all this time– tracking down the girl who had apparently accosted her husband, and threatening to kill her. Because _that_ seemed like a logical thing for a pacifist politician to do…

But then, maybe finding this girl wasn't such a bad idea. Then Relena could hear her side of the story, and decide for herself who was telling the truth. Better yet, maybe Relena could get the other woman _and_ Heero to take a polygraph test.

The thought made Relena chuckle sadly. Of course, she wished she could just believe her husband unreservedly. If she made him take a test, he'd probably resent her. But for the third party… a lie detector test might just do the trick.

At last, Relena smiled. She liked this idea and planned to bring it up to Heero. Then perhaps they could move on from this nightmare, once and for all.

Relena's smile stayed put as she laid back against her pillows, feeling more rested already. Moments later, she was about to nod off when the alert for the front gate buzzed. Frowning, she rolled out of bed and wandered over to the large set of windows that overlooked the front yard and gate, peering around the lace curtains.

A Rolls Royce she didn't recognize was parked outside the gate. Her frown deepened as she made her way over to one of the sleek, nearly-invisible wall panels where Heero had installed a screen and intercom– there were panels in all of the main rooms in the house, including their bedroom. The screen showed the face of a driver she had never seen before, either. Relena drew in a breath, her hand hesitating over the intercom button. She knew Heero would prefer she not answer anyone when she was home alone, but she had been living alone for the past few months without trouble. And anyway, she didn't have to let anyone in; she just wanted to see who it was.

Mind made up, she pushed the button. "Hello?"

"Hello, Miss Relena?" the driver spoke into the intercom with a thick English accent. "I have a Dr. Paul Montgomery here to see you."

_Paul?! _Relena's mind raced, and her heartbeat quickened. What was _he_ doing here? Relena pursed her lips before answering the driver.

"All right…" she said slowly, trying to decide what to do. Well, she should at least see what Paul wanted, shouldn't she? It was only polite. He probably just wanted to check on her. Relena pressed the intercom button again. "I'll buzz you in."

* * *

_A/N: Dear friends, thank you for your patience while this story has been on hiatus. I stepped away to get a little Christmas-y, but we're back! Don't worry, if you're also following the Christmas story, I will be wrapping that one up soon; I just wrote more than I'd originally planned and wound up losing steam. That's why the goal was to finish it before the holidays ended, but oh well! :P You know how it goes... so many stories, so little time..._

_Speaking of sooo many stoires, that's another reason my current WIPs have been delayed... I've been cooking up a little something extra for next month: part of a special project that another FF writer friend is resurrecting and I'm sure will be announced soon, so I won't spoil anything, but do stay tuned! _

_I hope you are having a lovely January and enjoying a gentle, restful season as we embark on this new year and decade. _

_Cheers!_

_\- RFP_


	19. The Trouble with Wanting

**Chapter Nineteen: The Trouble with Wanting**

_Wandering soul_

_Wandering mind_

_Wondering what's gone wrong with me_

_And try not to try_

_Swayed by the wind_

_Swayed by desire_

_Can't reach the moon up above_

_And I can't touch the fire_

'_Cause the trouble with wanting is I want you_

_The trouble with wanting is I want you_

_The trouble with wanting is I want you_

_And I want you all the time_

_Always on my mind_

_Always alone_

_You could be miles and miles away_

_But somehow you're close_

_If I can't have my cake_

_And I can't eat it, too_

_Well I guess the sound of your voice_

_And the aching will just have to do_

'_Cause the trouble with wanting is I want you_

_The trouble with wanting is I want you_

_The trouble with wanting is I want you_

_And I want you all the time_

– _Joy Williams (formerly of The Civil Wars), "The Trouble with Wanting"_

Heero pocketed his mobile and turned back to face Trowa, who was leaning against Heero's office door. The other agent tipped his chin toward Heero.

"Everything okay?"

"Everything's fine," Heero said, hoping that was the case, for a change. Relena had sounded odd over the phone. Not upset or angry, just… odd. Heero was eager to get back to their house and see what she wanted. Frankly, he was relieved that she wanted to talk to him at all; that was progress, at least. At the moment, nothing else mattered.

Except for the annoying matter at hand.

Heero fought back a sigh and did his best to temper his aggravation. "Look. About Agent Morena… you do realize she's currently under suspension."

Trowa shrugged one shoulder. "Yeah. I fail to recall your mentioning why, though."

"Doesn't matter," Heero said tersely. "She's banned from the premises. I trust you'll escort her out?"

Trowa's lips quirked into a bemused smile. "That an order?"

Heero's eyes narrowed. "Affirmative. One I expect you to follow, unless you want to get your ass suspended as well."

Trowa's smile flattened. "You're in a mood. Not that it surprises me, though."

Heero crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't appreciate or tolerate disobedience, Agent Gamma. My authority should not be questioned."

Trowa balked at the use of his codename and mirrored Heero's aggressive stance. "And I believe in checks and balances, of which there have been disturbingly few since you took the helm of this organization."

Heero's muscles tensed as his temper flared. He took a few steps closer to Trowa. "Bullshit," he said through clenched teeth. "You just enjoy overriding me. You want to sit in the command seat so badly? Why don't you try your best to get rid of me, then?"

Trowa scoffed and rolled his one visible eye. "Calm down. Just because I question some of your decisions doesn't mean I want to overthrow you. I don't give a shit if you're in charge. However, it's pretty obvious to me that you've been out of line lately, and I doubt I'm the only one who's noticed."

He took a step toward Heero, too, bearing down on the commander with his superior height. The other Preventer towered over Heero by a few inches, something that normally didn't bother Heero, but at the moment made his nostrils flare. Trowa, for his part, remained cool and collected.

"You need to get a grip, Heero," he said calmly. "I'm saying that as your friend."

"Right." Heero had to work to keep from rolling his own eyes. "Then as my friend _and _my second, I'd appreciate it if you just did what I ask. You're more than welcome to question anything that violates protocol. But in this case–"

"What'd she do?" Trowa cut in, frowning. "You should tell me that, at least."

Heero clenched and unclenched his jaw, then focused on remaining perfectly still. Trowa was an expert at reading body language, which made him a master interrogator. Indeed, the green-eyed Preventer was watching Heero closely. A little _too_ closely.

"It's a long story," Heero said at last. "I don't have time to get into it now." Relena was waiting for him, he didn't need to add. Trowa held his gaze for a tense moment, then nodded.

"Fine. We'll talk first thing Monday, then."

"Fine," Heero echoed. "In the meantime, see that Agent Morena vacates the campus, and understands that she is not to return for the duration of her suspension." He tipped his chin upward. "Copy?"

"I copy," Trowa said evenly. "Just so you're aware, she only came here to gather her things. Apparently she'd been trying to get a hold of you while you were… out of the office. She contacted me and I tried to call you first, to no avail. So I figured it would be all right if she stopped by." He gave a nonchalant shrug. "Guess I figured wrong."

Heero frowned. He hadn't noticed Raquel gathering anything when he came into the office; she'd just been sitting at her workstation, chatting with Trowa like she had all the time in the world. "What things?"

"Just some files on her computer," Trowa said, impassive. "Pay stubs, personal photos, that sort of thing."

"No one should have personal files on their work computers," Heero grunted.

Trowa shrugged. "People do, though. And before you ask, yes, I made sure she wasn't taking anything sensitive, and I'll check everything over again before she leaves."

"Fine," Heero said again, hoping that would be the end of this matter, all the while knowing better. "Before that... please ask Agent Morena to see me."

Much as he dreaded having another conversation with Raquel, Heero knew it needed to happen. He needed to make sure he'd covered all his bases before he faced Relena again.

Trowa's one visible brow arched, but he didn't argue. "Roger," Trowa said, and swept out of the room.

Heero could only guess what the other man was thinking, knowing he could easily draw some dark conclusions. Then again, Heero would have been surprised if the other Preventer hadn't already put two and two together; few things got past Trowa. Heero would have to worry about that later, though. For now, he just braced his palms on his desk and took in a deep, steadying breath before Raquel stepped into his office...

* * *

Relena paused before the front door, drawing in a deep, steadying breath. By now Paul would be waiting on the other side. And here she was, hesitating before undoing the many latches that kept her safely locked inside her veritable fortress.

Heero would be _livid_.

And yet, if Relena managed to keep her visit with Paul short and sweet, like she planned to, there would be no need for Heero to know. Not that she planned on keeping it a secret from him, but she doubted there would be anything to tell him.

Paul was just worried about her; that was all. He'd called and texted a few times in the night to check on Relena after her sudden illness had cut their evening short. Relena had finally texted him back in the morning, filling him in on what happened. She'd mentioned going to the hospital, but left out the fact that Heero had taken her. She didn't think it mattered, though; nor did she think Paul would press the issue.

She pulled the heavy oak door open, revealing Paul in an oversized gray wool peacoat. His hazel eyes twinkled at her from behind his tortoiseshell glasses. He was holding a brown paper bag that looked like takeout. Indeed, a savory smell wafted toward Relena.

"Paul!" she exclaimed, hoping she looked and sounded more welcoming than she felt at the moment, standing there in her comfy 'round-the-house clothes. "Please, come in. You must be freezing."

Paul flashed her a grin as he stepped over the threshold. "You know, you have some nerve," he scolded her in his posh accent.

"Oh?" Relena's brows lifted. "How so?"

Paul's lips twitched. "You're supposed to be sick, but you look absolutely stunning." His eyes roved over her sweater-and-legging clad form appreciatively. Relena immediately flushed.

"Goodness." She waved a hand. "I appreciate the compliment, but I'm hardly feeling my best at the moment."

"Could've fooled me, or anyone else with eyes," Paul said with a laugh. "But then I'm sure you look this beautiful at all times of day."

Relena's face continued to flame. "You're too kind," she demurred. Then she glanced around the foyer, knowing the polite thing to do would be to invite Paul to hang his coat and take a seat. But she'd already asked Heero to hurry back home, and he could be there any minute...

Her furtive glances didn't escape Paul's notice. "I'm sorry," he said, sidling up next to her. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

"No, it's just… my daughter will be coming home soon, and I'd prefer that she not meet any… gentlemen friends, for the time being."

Paul's eyes widened behind his glasses. "Ah… I'm sorry. I should have known. I won't keep you long, then. I just wanted to drop this off for you." He held the bag out to Relena. "Chicken soup. If I'd had more time, I would've made you some myself, but the _épicerie _near my flat had some on special today, and it smelled simply divine."

"That's very kind of you." Relena smiled at Paul reassuringly as she accepted the bag. "I really appreciate it."

"It was no trouble at all. And please, if you need anything, I hope you won't hesitate to call me." His smile faltered as he clasped a hand to his chest. "I feel absolutely _wretched_ about last night…"

Relena lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "These things happen. And anyway, I'm feeling much better now." Which was mostly true. She was doing the best she'd done in hours, at least, but wondered how long she could stay vertical before she'd start heaving again. Her nose crinkled at the thought, but she did her best to keep a smile plastered on her face.

"Well, I'm relieved to know that you're feeling better." Paul's smile returned as he took a step toward her. Relena found herself taking one step back.

"Thank you; I really appreciate it." If she kept going, she'd bump into the bannister. Relena was thinking of a polite way to ask Paul to leave before Heero could come home and murder him when Paul's gaze landed on something behind her.

"It appears you have company." His lips pressed into a firm line.

"Hmm?" Relena turned to see where he was looking. Her eyes fell upon Heero's leather jacket, which was draped over the bannister, on top of her own coat.

Her mouth dropped open. She could easily come up with some excuse – it was hers, she liked oversized things; it was Heero's and she had just taken it out to have it cleaned – but decided that she had nothing to hide here. "It's Heero's," she said, adding a nonchalant shrug. "He must have left it."

Paul frowned. "He was here? I thought you two were separated…"

"We are…" Relena started. "But yes, he was here last night. He took me to the hospital." She saw no harm in telling Paul that. She wasn't sure what impression he was under, but she didn't feel she owed him any explanation.

"Oh." Paul's brow furrowed. "Well, you might have mentioned that…"

"I'm sorry." Relena frowned, too, annoyed at herself for apologizing, when she didn't even owe him an apology. "I didn't think it was worth mentioning," she added.

"So you and Heero are still seeing one another, then?" Paul's tone was cool and crisp. It took Relena aback.

"I mean…we're married," she said simply.

Paul's expression turned to ice.

* * *

Heero glanced up from his desk as a timid knock sounded on his office door. Raquel stood in the doorway with those doe eyes of hers wide and glossy, looking every bit the proverbial deer in headlights. Heero sighed inwardly and motioned her in.

"Close the door, please," he said through gritted teeth. "Please" was not his favorite word, but he was attempting to curb his asshole tendencies.

Raquel obeyed and took a few tentative steps toward his desk. "You… wanted to see me?"

Heero gestured for her to have a seat. She did so silently. Gathering every bit of composure he could muster, he looked her squarely in the eyes. "How are you feeling?"

Raquel's face appeared to drain of all its color. "Um… fine, mostly."

"Have you seen a doctor?" To his dismay, Raquel shook her head.

"Not yet."

Heero's eyes tightened. "How come?"

"I have an appointment, but it's not for another week." Heero's agitation must have spilled onto his features, because Raquel looked even more frightened than she had been when she'd first walked in.

"It's the soonest I could get in," she said, shrinking back in her seat.

Heero nodded, his mind whirring. "I see. Did you schedule an ultrasound?"

Raquel nodded briskly. "Yes."

"Text me the appointment details," Heero said gruffly.

Raquel's eyes widened even more, somehow. "You mean you want to be there?"

"Want" was not the word. Heero struggled again to keep his rage in check as he shifted in his seat. "Not especially, but I should."

Raquel's surprised expression gave way to indignation. "You want to make sure I'm not faking, is that it?"

"Something like that," Heero admitted. "Can you blame me? I'd be a fool to just take you at your word."

Raquel gaped at him. "Why on earth do you think I would make something like this up? You think I _want_ to be pregnant right now? I'm only twenty-three!"

Heero huffed. "Call me crazy, but you sounded happy about it over the phone."

"Well, I wasn't," she shot back. "Although despite these circumstances, I do want the baby." She rested her hands on her belly. Heero quickly looked away.

"I understand," he grumbled, although he was still far from understanding this bizarre situation he'd found himself in. "Just… keep me in the loop. Got it? For now, you should go home and get some rest."

Raquel nodded, her face taking on a dazed expression. "All right." She made as if to stand, but instead leaned forward and peered closely at Heero. "And how are you doing with… all of this?"

Heero blinked once. "How do you _think_ I'm doing?"

"Not great?" Raquel winced and shrunk back in her seat again.

"Nope," Heero said flatly. "I'll feel a lot better after you get that paternity test, though."

Raquel pursed her lips. "Well, prepare yourself. I haven't been with anyone else in a long time, so… this baby could only be yours."

Heero felt a shudder crawl down his back. "I'll believe it when I see it."

"We'll see, soon enough." Raquel gave him a half-smile. Heero had to fight the bile that arose in his throat.

* * *

Relena was perplexed over the unexpected drama playing out in her foyer.

Paul was downright _peeved_ over the fact that Heero had been in the house. Relena, meanwhile, was confused over where all of this was coming from. She hadn't expected Paul to grow so attached, so soon.

"I'm sorry," she said for what felt like too many times already, "but I really didn't mean to give you the wrong impression…"

Paul didn't answer her at first. He had taken to pacing across the marble floor. Relena let out a deep sigh.

"Paul…"

A muscle feathered in his jaw. "You know, when I took you out last night, I believed that I was wining and dining a separated, soon-to-be divorced woman. Not a woman who still sees herself as _married_."

"But I _am_ still married." Relena winced. "Technically."

"Technically?!" Paul boomed. Relena flinched and stepped backward, her back brushing up against the bannister, and Heero's leather jacket. She sighed as Paul continued to pace.

"I believe you're overreacting," she said as calmly as she could. "You had said you wanted to get together to discuss your project. If I gave you any other impression, then I sincerely apologize…"

Paul ceased his pacing with a heavy sigh of his own. "You're right, Relena, of course. I'm sorry for overreacting. And I did want to discuss my project with you, but I got… carried away, I suppose." He gave her a sad smile and shrugged his shoulders. "And the way you talked about your husband… I assumed your marriage was over, and that I might actually have a chance. But you know what they say about assumptions."

Relena groaned inwardly. She should have known something like this would happen.

"Look, Paul… I think you're very kind, and sweet, but…" She splayed both her hands, still holding the takeout bag in one of them. "This is just really bad timing. Heero and I have a lot of issues to sort through and we haven't made any decisions yet." Her eyes strayed to the grandfather clock on the opposite wall. "And he will probably be home any minute, so…"

Paul followed her gaze. "He's coming back?"

Relena nodded. "He's spending the day with Ellie…"

Paul sighed again and dropped his gaze. "Right. I'm terribly sorry for intruding."

"It's all right." Relena gave an easy shrug, belying the uneasy feeling that roiled her gut. "I do appreciate your stopping by." She managed a tentative smile. "And thank you for the soup."

"You're welcome." Paul returned her smile, although the light seemed to have gone out of his eyes. "I hope it helps."

"I'm sure it will." Relena moved away from the bannister, toward the front door, still clutching the takeout bag in her hands. Paul followed alongside her.

"Well, do keep me posted," he said jovially. "And, when you are feeling better… I don't suppose you'd be willing to pick up where we left off, regarding the project?" His eyes were newly hopeful.

"Ah… sure," Relena said slowly. "Why don't we chat on Monday?" Part of her was leery of Paul's true motives; the other part of her wanted to believe that he was a reasonable man who would be able to put this misunderstanding aside so that they could continue to work together. They were both professionals, after all, and her interest in his project was sincere.

"Monday sounds lovely," Paul said, his smile reaching his eyes. Relena smiled back, and reached for the door handle.

But the door was already being pushed by someone on the other side. Relena's chest clenched.

The door swung open to reveal Heero, his black winter coat covering his Preventer's uniform, with a duffle bag slung over one shoulder, and two massive bouquets of pink roses tucked into his other arm.

Their eyes met and locked for a beat before Heero slid his gaze to Paul. Relena had to give Heero credit; his expression didn't even falter.

Relena opened her mouth to say something, but Heero beat her to the punch.

"I don't believe we've been introduced," he said in an even tone, his sharp gaze still fixed on Paul. "My name is Heero Yuy."

* * *

_A/N: Dun dun dun..._

_Happy nearly end of January, friends, and welcome back to this story! I have to say, it's good to be back in this one. I hope you're having as much fun reading it as I am writing it! _

_On a musical note, I really love the song that this chapter is named for, and Joy Williams was just nominated for a Grammy for the album this track is on– and it was her first Grammy nomination as a solo artist. Alas, she didn't win, but it really is a beautiful album, so I highly recommend checking it out, and listening while you read! I've mentioned before that I have a playlist on Spotify for this story; if you find me (Erin Dale Darling) on Spotify, the playlist is titled "Poison & Wine" (obviously)._

_Stay "tuned" for more, and have a wonderful week!_

_Love love love,_

_\- RFP_


	20. Hate the Way You Love Me

**Chapter Twenty: Hate the Way You Love Me**

_Well I hate the way you see me_

_Like a man who can't be fixed_

_Like a fool fooling all but you_

_Who he really is_

_And I hate the way you hold me_

_Nervous as a cat_

_Like I might get the big idea_

_You'd forgive me just like that_

_I wouldn't have it any other way_

_Heaven knows a sinner needs a saint_

_Oh but when I've been at my most ugly_

_I hate the way you love me_

– _John Paul White (formerly of The Civil Wars), "Hate the Way You Love Me"_

Heero looked from Relena to the interloper, registering the shock that flickered across both their faces. He wasn't sure what he'd just stumbled into, but whatever it was, he didn't like it.

Relena, seasoned politician that she was, quickly schooled her features. "Heero," she said smoothly, sounding friendlier toward him than she had in months. "You remember Dr. Paul Montgomery?"

A needless question; Relena knew full well he remembered Paul. Heero only wished he'd throttled him at that stupid gala last week, to avoid whatever this was.

"Of course," Heero said with exaggerated warmth that could only sound sarcastic, coming from him. "What brings you to our home?"

Relena looked like she was going to kill him. Heero fought back a chuckle.

"Paul… brought me soup," she said, holding up a brown paper bag.

"How thoughtful," Heero returned, sarcasm still cloaking his every word.

"I was just leaving," Paul said, giving Relena what appeared to be an apologetic smile. Then he held out his hand to Heero. "So nice to finally make your acquaintance." His eyes gleamed behind his spectacles, and Heero again found himself wanting to punch the man.

"The pleasure is all mine." Heero gripped Paul's hand in a firm shake, while unleashing his most sinister smile. A terrifying sight to behold, Relena had told him more than once. He caught her glaring at him out of the corner of his eye, and wouldn't have been surprised if she decided to lob the soup at his head.

So far this was more fun than Heero had expected. He continued to smile menacingly as Paul stepped awkwardly around him, ambling over the threshold and onto the front porch. The doctor mumbled a goodbye to Relena before darting down the steps. She smiled and waved after him, saying she'd see him Monday. Paul scurried off to the fancy car that was waiting for him in the stone driveway.

Heero continued smirking as he watched the car drive off. When he finally turned back to face Relena, she looked even more pissed off now that they no longer had an audience.

"Could you have been any ruder?" Her eyes flashed at him, like blue lightning.

Yes, yes he could have. Heero chuckled.

"What do you mean? I thought I was perfectly polite."

Relena rolled her eyes and turned her back to him. "Come inside before you catch cold. The last thing we need is both of us being sick right now."

"There's that smothering affection I missed," Heero deadpanned.

"Ha." Relena didn't look back at him as she headed for the kitchen. Heero shut and locked the door behind him, then followed after her. He found her at the island, removing a plastic, cylindrical container from the takeout bag. He set down the two bouquets of roses he'd bought while out and about with Duo this morning– and yes, his friend had teased him mercilessly at the time. Not that Heero cared. If flowers could soothe Relena's temper even a little, then it was well worth it.

Her gaze flicked to the roses. "Are those for me? Because you really shouldn't have."

"You and Ellie," Heero clarified. "I couldn't get flowers for just one of you."

"Yes, you could have. She'd appreciate it more."

Heero shrugged. "Pretend they're both for her, then."

"It's fine." Relena waved a hand. "You can put mine in the dining room." Heero wasn't sure, but he thought he saw the tiniest hint of a smile tugging at her lips.

"Roger that." Heero picked up the larger of the two bouquets – two dozen for Relena, and a dozen for Ellie; she was still a kid, after all – and headed for the sink. While he busied himself cutting the stems and trying not to make a huge mess of the kitchen, Relena walked over to the refrigerator with the container of soup in hand.

"What do you think you're doing with that?" Heero shot a glare in her direction.

"What?" she asked innocently, arching her brows.

Heero abandoned the roses and strode over to Relena, plucking the container out of her hands. Her eyes widened but he ignored her as he made his way to the trash can, which he opened up and dumped the container unceremoniously inside.

Relena's mouth dropped open. "Heero! You don't just throw away perfectly good soup!"

Heero returned to his work at the sink. "The last time you were with that guy, you wound up with food poisoning. Think I'd take any chances? Anyway, if you want soup, I'll get you some. Or better yet, make it myself."

Relena groaned and threw up her hands. "I let you back into the house for one day, and you're already in crazy-overprotective mode?!"

"I come home and find you letting random men into the house?" Heero shot back. "I think my reaction is valid."

Relena huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Yes, well, I didn't invite him here, just so you know. He stopped by of his own volition. And I told him I can't have any more visits like that, because of Ellie."

"You're gonna continue to date him, though?"

Relena began tapping one foot while continuing to glare at him. "I'm not _dating _him."

"You said something about seeing him on Monday."

"Yes, at work," she retorted hotly. "To meet about the project we're working on. Jealous much?"

"Of that guy?" Heero snorted. "Hardly."

He finished trimming the stems of the roses, then opened a nearby cabinet and pulled down Relena's favorite crystalline vase, which he filled with water and the plant food that came with the bouquet. He could feel Relena's eyes on his back as he placed the flowers in the vase.

"So. You wanted to discuss something," he said without turning around.

Silence. Heero turned around to find Relena still standing there with her arms still folded over her sweater, only now her eyes were glued to the floor. And her face had gone beet red.

"It's nothing," she muttered. Her eyes looked like they could burn holes into the tiles.

Heero arched a brow, wondering what he'd said to illicit _that_ reaction. "You sure?"

"Forget it." Relena's gaze snapped up to his. "I'm no longer in the mood."

Heero's interest was immediately piqued. "In the mood for what?"

Relena's head tipped to the side, one brow sliding up in a look of pure exasperation. Heero knew _that_ look well; it meant he was supposed to read her mind.

He preferred the direct approach. "Just tell me what you want, Relena." When she again didn't answer him, he chanced a step toward her. "You're the one who asked me to come home early. So what did you want to talk about?"

Relena heaved another sigh. "I don't want to talk any more. I'm tired of talking."

"What do you want to do, then?" Heero only prayed that she wouldn't try to kick him out again. After all this time he'd waited to see Ellie… that would _not_ be acceptable.

But as Relena raised her eyes to meet his once again, she looked more vulnerable than Heero was expecting. He took in her pink-tinged cheeks and luminous blue eyes gleaming up at him; they had a sheen to them, like they were about to fill with tears. A thousand emotions seemed to cross over Relena's face, all at once. Heero's chest constricted. He was hesitant to approach her, not knowing what would happen if he were to close the distance between them. She looked like she might kiss him, or slap him. Maybe both. Hell, at this point he'd take either.

He came to stand right before her, and suddenly they were closer than they'd been in a while. She tilted her face to look up at him, her ocean-colored eyes swimming. Heero resisted the urge to brush his fingers against her cheek, forcing himself to remain perfectly still. Her throat bobbed as she opened her mouth to speak, her eyes holding his hostage all the while.

"Heero…"

He swallowed around a lump that formed in his throat out of nowhere. "Relena…"

Commotion at the front door cut off his words. They broke away from one another abruptly and turned toward the noise. There were only a handful of people who had the codes to the front gate and door. Which meant…

"Ellie's home," Relena said softly. She glanced back up at Heero briefly before turning and exiting the kitchen.

Heero followed after Relena, his heart hammering in his chest.

They reentered the foyer, where Zechs and Ellie stood shaking snow off their coats. Heero's brother-in-law was tall and imposing as ever in his dark trench coat. His silver gaze immediately slid to Heero's, and Heero automatically braced himself for a confrontation. Their eyes met only briefly before Zechs turned toward Relena, who was coming over to greet him. Ellie, meanwhile, had busied herself with unfastening the toggles on her pink winter coat, her back to Heero. He paused and waited for her to turn around, and couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face.

Relena shot Heero a smile over her shoulder before she bent down to Ellie and tugged on her coat.

"Hey, Ella-bella," she teased warmly. "Look who's home…"

Ellie's head snapped up. First, she looked over at the duffel bag Heero had left sitting in the foyer. Then she whirled around, stopping short when she saw Heero. Her blue eyes bulged, and she shrieked.

"_Daddy!?"_

Heero began to cross the room, but Ellie was already on the move. She broke away from Relena and launched herself into Heero's arms. Heero caught her and spun her around. Ellie let out a joyful peal of laughter. But then when Heero stopped spinning her and scooped her into a fierce hug, she began to cry.

And when the tears welled up in his own eyes, Heero didn't fight them. Any shame he might have once felt over such a candid display of emotion had long ago evaporated.

So Heero let the tears fall, and held his baby girl like he would never let go.

* * *

Relena was having a hard time holding back her own tears as she watched Heero with Ellie. She reached up to dab at her eyes while she stood next to her brother, her heart twisting. She felt really, _really_ guilty for keeping father and daughter apart for so long. She wished now that she could take it all back, the weeks of pain and heartache she'd put them all through. It wasn't worth it, and she realized how selfish she'd been. She'd let her fears take over and make her into the worst possible version of herself. She vowed then and there to never let that happen again, no matter what.

Relena turned misty eyes up to her brother, whose face was unreadable. He slipped an arm around her shoulders and guided her into the kitchen.

Once they were alone, Milliardo released her. "Are you sure you're all right, having him here?" He jerked his head in the direction of the foyer.

"Yes, I'm sure." Relena laid a hand on her brother's arm, doing her best to smile reassuringly at him. "We'll be fine, thank you."

His silver eyes glinted. "Well, if you have any problems, you know where to find me."

"Of course." Relena gave his arm a squeeze. "I really appreciate everything you and Lu have done already. Please thank her again for me."

Milliardo nodded, his gaze straying back to the foyer. "He seems…" His voice trailed off.

"What?" Relena asked, following her brother's gaze.

"Different than I expected."

She frowned. "Different how?"

Her brother shrugged. "Or maybe it's me. I figured I'd feel like pummeling him the moment I saw him again. Teach him a lesson." He turned back toward Relena and smiled faintly. "Guess I'll let the bastard be, for now."

Relena rolled her eyes. "You don't need to teach Heero a lesson, Milliardo. He's been through enough already."

"So have you. And I can't help but want to make him pay for it."

"Well, I already have, so you can save the overprotective big brother act for another time." Relena patted his shoulder.

Her brother loosed a chuckle. "Fine. I'm not going to insert myself where I'm not wanted. But if he crosses the line again..." He tightened his right hand into a fist.

"Let it go, Mill," Relena sighed. "Please."

Milliardo looked like he was waging his own inner battle, but he nodded. "If you insist."

Her brother left, and Relena found Ellie still clinging to Heero. When Relena approached, Ellie released one arm to hug Relena's legs. Relena laughed and bent down to ruffle her daughter's hair.

"Were you surprised, Ellie?"

Her little girl sniffled and nodded. Relena laughed again and kneeled down to pull Ellie into a tight hug. Which brought Relena in very close proximity to Heero, who was still crouched on the floor, both of his arms around their daughter. Heero loosened one arm and snaked it around Relena's waist, drawing her close. Relena didn't offer up any resistance, and realized she didn't want to. She kept one arm wrapped around Ellie and draped the other around Heero's neck, burying her face into his shoulder. Heero began to rub her back in slow circles, and fresh tears brimmed in Relena's eyes.

And as she hugged her daughter and husband, Relena thought she could feel the pieces of her broken heart starting to mend.

* * *

_A/N: Well friends, I'm about ready to wrap up this story pretty soon and turn my attention to other things...there are at least a few chapters left, though, so be on the lookout! This month I'm participating in the resurrected Church of Lemons, which, if you follow me, you have probably already noticed. :D My first contribution posted the other day, and it's a 3xR (with hints of 1xR) that I'm particularly proud of, because the story itself is different from anything I have ever written. So, even if 3xR isn't your cup of tea, I do hope you will give it a chance and can enjoy it for what it is! _

_For those of you hardcore 1xR shippers, this Saturday, Feb. 8th, I will be posting a 1xR one-shot for CoL; however, it's too explicit to share on this site, so it's going to be exclusive to AO3. My pen name there is RelenaForPresident, so I do hope you'll hop over there and check it out! The story is titled, most appropriately, "Dark Side," so look for that this weekend!_

_In the meantime, happy hump day! I hope you're having a great week and a wonderful February so far. _

_Love love love,_

_\- RFP_


	21. Same Old, Same Old

**Chapter Twenty-One: Same Old, Same Old**

_I wanna leave you_

_I wanna lose us_

_I wanna give up_

_But I won't_

_I wanna miss this_

_I want a heartache_

_I wanna run away_

_But I won't_

_Do I love you_

_Oh, I do_

_And I'm going to till I'm gone_

_But if you think that I can stay_

_In this same old, same old _

_Well, I don't_

_I don't_

_The Civil Wars, "Same Old Same Old"_

"Dad, I found the ginger!"

Ellie came bounding up to the grocery cart, beaming in triumph as she held out a small glass jar. Heero smiled down at his daughter.

"Nice work," he said, "but we need the raw kind, not minced."

Ellie stuck out her lower lip. "How come? Isn't that more work? This one's already been done _for_ you."

"True, but it's healthier in raw form." Heero scanned the produce aisle until he spotted a basketful of the gnarled-looking root. "Over there."

Ellie sighed and stomped over to the section he'd pointed out. "How many?" she called over her shoulder.

Heero smiled as he watched her from the cart. He enjoyed having his daughter as his grocery buddy and wanted to teach her where to find the items she'd need for survival – not that she could find _everything_ in a grocery store – but he always kept a close eye on her in public. She was also the daughter of a famous politician, after all, and even if she wasn't, predators could be lurking anywhere.

"Two to four is fine," Heero answered her. Ellie arched a single brow, an expression that made her look just like her mother.

"So, three then," Ellie decided. But then she dropped four into the bag for good measure. Heero chuckled as she ambled back over to him. "Ta-da!" she announced, dropping the bag into their cart.

"Good job," Heero said, pushing the cart up the aisle. "Now find the turmeric."

Ellie tapped her chin and looked all around them, until her eyes landed on another pile of roots. "It's right by the ginger! You could have said…"

Heero chuckled as she bounded off. This was by far the best Saturday afternoon he'd had in a long time. Taking Ellie grocery shopping had been his idea, and Relena had readily agreed to it. She'd gone back to bed, and he decided to make good on his promise to make her soup from scratch. And Ellie had been all too eager to help.

They continued locating the rest of the soup ingredients Heero would need: garlic, carrots, scallions, bok choy, tofu, miso paste and rice noodles. Ellie was animated as she asked about each item and why it was needed.

"What makes raw so much healthier, anyway?"

"Because it's pure and unprocessed, and therefore retains its original nutrients. Most food is healthiest in raw form," Heero explained.

Ellie's nose crinkled. "Even meat?"

"Sometimes," Heero said with a chuckle. "Depends."

"So what's so good about… this stuff?" Ellie plucked the bag of turmeric up and dropped it back in the cart.

"Turmeric," Heero said. "It's anti-inflammatory."

Ellie's brow furrowed. "What does that mean?"

"What do you think it means?" Heero steered their cart toward the checkout queue.

"Anti means 'non,' so non-inflammatory…" Ellie paused. "But what's 'inflammatory'?"

"To be inflamed, or have inflammation," Heero said.

"You know you're not supposed to use the same word to define a word, right?" Ellie stuck her tongue out at him.

"Who told you that, your mother?" Heero teased. "Inflammation basically means swelling. Swelling causes pain. It can also signify infection. So when the body is sick, it's fighting against inflammation."

"Ah." Ellie nodded sagely. "That makes sense. So this soup will take away all of Mom's inflammation, right?"

"That's the idea." Heero eased his cart forward as the line moved up.

Ellie moved alongside him, reaching up to tug on the sleeve of his coat. "You love Mom a lot, huh?"

Heero shot her a sidelong glance. "What do you think?"

"Duh." Ellie rolled her eyes playfully. "So. If our house was burning down, who would you rescue first? Me or Mom?"

Heero pretended to be horrified by his daughter's macabre imagination. "That's dark."

"Come on, Dad, just answer the question." Ellie planted both her hands at her hips, looking far too serious for a ten-year-old in her fuzzy pink coat.

"You," Heero answered without hesitation.

Ellie gasped. "How would Mom feel about that?!"

"Your mother would say the same thing," Heero said. "Although I'd probably just carry both of you." Which would still be feasible for some time, unless Ellie were to have a sudden growth spurt.

"Well, if I were big enough, I'd save the both of you, too." Ellie tipped her head to the side and looked up at Heero thoughtfully. "Because I love you both the same."

Her words pierced Heero right through the heart, leaving a crater-sized ache in his chest. "And your mother and I love you the same," he said softly.

Ellie beamed up at him, her sweet expression belying her solemn words. And Heero had to wonder if his ten-year-old was even more astute than he'd thought.

* * *

Relena's eyes glazed over as she stared straight ahead at the TV screen. One of Ellie's favorite movies was playing – one they'd all seen so many times, they knew most of the dialogue by heart – so Relena had stopped paying attention shortly after it started. But then it was difficult to focus her attention on anything but the man sitting so closely to her.

Ellie was nestled between her parents, snuggling the both of them, continually bringing Relena and Heero into contact. Heero's arm was braced behind the couch, but every time Ellie moved, his hand would dip down and brush Relena's shoulder. Months ago, she wouldn't have even noticed or thought anything of it. But now, after being apart for so long, every new touch sent shivers rushing down her spine. Relena knew she was being silly. This was the man she'd been married to for over ten years, the only man she'd ever been with… at this point, an innocent touch from him should not be so exciting. And yet, somehow it was.

And just like that, Relena knew she was in danger of breaking the promise she'd made to herself. To be strong. To resist. She wasn't going to just fall back into Heero's arms like nothing had gone wrong. There was no denying that things had changed between them; they had both made mistakes, and they needed to acknowledge that.

But at the same time, Relena had already decided to forgive him. Her heart had made up her mind for her.

Heero had really outdone himself today, cooking dinner from scratch and insisting on doing all the cleanup, although Ellie had helped on both fronts. Not that this was the deciding factor for Relena, but it certainly hadn't hurt. The miso ginger ramen he'd made was delicious, and Relena had managed to keep it down, even hours later. She reasoned her husband knew what he was doing. Ellie had raved over the soup as well, and spent dinner regaling Heero with tales of Relena's unfortunate cooking experiments over the past two months that resulted in a lot of wasted food and last-minute takeout orders. Heero had practically roared with laughter– a rare sight and sound from her often taciturn husband. It made Relena realize just how much she'd missed him these past several weeks– his laugh, his cooking, his mere presence.

She snuck a sidelong glance of Heero out of the corner of her eye, studying his handsome features. From his unruly mop of hair that he always kept around the same length, mostly to appease her – she'd always begged him to never go too short – to his perfectly symmetrical nose and strong jawline. He had strong, well-defined cheekbones, too; he could have been a model, but had chosen a much nobler profession. Not that she could picture Heero modeling…

The thought made her giggle. Ellie giggled, too, probably assuming Relena was laughing at the movie. But Heero glanced over at Relena, and smiled when he caught her eye.

Relena flushed and cleared her throat. "I'll be right back." She shifted in her seat before Heero's hand could land on or near her again.

"You'll miss the best part!" Ellie whined.

"I'll only be a minute," Relena promised. "I just need a drink."

"No wine for you," Heero said sternly from his seat. Relena scoffed playfully at him.

"So judgy."

"You're still sick."

She spun on her heel to look back at him, planting her hands at her hips. "I was thinking more along the lines of tea, _thankyouverymuch._"

"I'll help." Heero got up from his seat, eliciting another complaint from their daughter.

"Daaaaad…"

"Just a sec, Ellie."

Ellie threw her hands up dramatically. "Ugh, fine! I'll pause it."

"Don't bother." Heero winked at Relena as he made his way over to her. She folded her arms over her chest and smiled wryly at him.

"I don't need your help, you know."

"Anything to get away from this goddamned movie," he muttered. He was standing close enough to her that his breath tickled her ear, causing Relena to shiver as he brushed past her. She stood processing her reaction for a beat before joining Heero in the kitchen.

She found him turning the burner on the stove and filling the ceramic kettle with water. Relena stopped at the island and leaned her elbows on the marble counter, watching him set about his task.

"What kind of tea do you want?" Heero started rifling through the metal canisters of loose leaf varieties.

"Hmm…" Relena tapped her finger to her chin. "Maybe chamomile, with some rosehips?"

Heero located the glass teapot and a spoon and started scooping out a combination of tea leaves into the top of the teapot. And Relena couldn't help smiling as she watched the man who was so often referred to as the "Perfect Soldier" doing such simple domestic tasks with no qualms whatsoever. But it had taken Relena years to break him in, and they had come a long way. Her heart fluttered as she thought back to those early days. They were only teenagers when they got married; neither of them knew anything about living with another person, and suddenly they were a married couple with a baby on the way. They'd endured a sharp learning curve over the years, to put it mildly.

Relena found herself smiling as memory after memory flooded her mind.

"Heero…" She kept her elbows on the counter, sinking her cheek into her palm. "Do you remember the first time Ellie had a fever?"

"Yeah." He chuckled as he glanced back at her. "We freaked out and rushed her to the hospital..."

"For that and every other fever that first year." Relena laughed. "Those first few months especially."

Heero crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the counter. "Other than that, you refused to leave the house with her all winter."

"I was afraid she'd catch cold!"

"You were slightly paranoid." Heero's lips twitched.

"I was a _little_ neurotic, okay?" Relena rolled her eyes, although she was still smiling. "All new mothers are."

"Neurotic is one way to put it." Heero's eyes held a teasing glint. Relena glared at him in response.

"You've had your moments too, you know…"

Heero scoffed. "Name one."

"Oh, let's see... " Relena's eyes drifted to the ceiling. "You freaked out every time Ellie ever spit up."

Heero's eyes rolled. "I did not."

"Did, too. You were convinced she was dying every time."

"What about that time she threw up blood? I'd say my concern was warranted."

"That happened all the time, you just didn't always see it," Relena said. "It was just blood from my chafed nipples." Heero's eyes bulged, and she laughed. "You don't remember that?"

Heero blanched. "I'm trying very hard not to."

Relena was on a roll. "How about… how you didn't sleep for months, because you insisted on watching over Ellie all night because you were so afraid she was going to stop breathing?"

Heero gaped at her. "She did stop breathing. All the time."

"Yes, well, babies hold their breath sometimes." Relena shrugged while Heero shook his head.

"It was terrifying." Relena had to agree with him – and she'd been up countless nights with Ellie, too – but the memories only made her smile.

"How about all those times we woke her up on purpose, just so we could hold her?"

Heero finally smiled at that. "Yeah…"

Relena's heart fluttered again. "Heero… about last night."

"What about last night?" he quipped, smirking at her. "You mean when you were about to blow my head off, or take out one of my eyes with your high heels?"

"Not _that_." Her face flamed. "I was thinking about the pregnancy test."

"Yeah?" She had his full attention now. He straightened his posture, his expression immediately sobering.

"Yes. I…" Relena lowered her eyes to the marble countertop and began twisting her wedding band around her finger. Despite everything, she'd never taken it off. Ellie would have noticed, for one thing, and someone in public was bound to as well. But Relena thought perhaps there were other reasons she kept it on, even while showering or sleeping.

She raised her eyes back up to Heero, who looked just as pale as he had in the hospital the night before, when they were waiting for the test results.

"What about it?" he asked tersely.

_Here goes. _Relena took a deep breath. "I… was hoping it was positive."

Heero's brows lifted momentarily before his features relaxed. "So was I," he murmured. Then he looked off to the side, and Relena wondered if he might be reconsidering.

She lowered her eyes back to the counter. "Well… I guess that's that."

The high-pitched whistle of the teakettle sliced through their conversation. Heero immediately busied himself turning off the kettle and pouring the water over the metal strainer and into the teapot. He moved mechanically from task to task, and Relena could only conclude that this discussion bothered him. What she didn't understand was why. After all the trouble he'd gone through today, she assumed he wanted to repair their marriage; and he'd said as much earlier. So why would talk of a possible pregnancy upset him now?

As the tea steeped, the warm, soothing aroma of herbs permeated the air around them, but did little to calm Relena's frazzled nerves. She watched numbly as Heero poured a cup from the teapot, brought it over to her side of the island and set it before her, keeping his eyes downcast all the while.

"Heero…" Relena started, fiddling with her ring once more. "You said… you said that you wanted to fix this. Do you, still?"

For an agonizing beat, he didn't answer, his expression unreadable. Relena held her breath while Heero drew in a long, shaky one of his own. She could understand his hesitation, given the way she'd treated him, but his silence was killing her.

At last, he raised his head to meet her gaze, and Relena was caught off-guard by the tears she saw glistening in his eyes. It was the second time she'd seen Heero cry that day; it had to be some kind of record for him.

"Of course I do," he said, his low voice rumbling, his eyes searching hers. "Do you?"

Relena's throat tightened, but she managed to nod fiercely. "Yes," she whispered.

Heero looked like he didn't quite believe her, his eyes swimming with uncertainty. "You're sure?"

Relena nodded again, wondering how many times she was going to have to reassure him before he'd take her at her word. Perhaps, this time, she needed to show him.

She moved from her side of the island to his, taking the last few steps over to him until they stood mere inches apart. Heero didn't move while Relena pressed both of her palms against his broad chest. She could feel his heart thundering along with her own. His eyes continued to sift hers, but he brought one hand up to rest on her waist; he lifted his other hand to her face, brushing his knuckles against her cheek. Relena closed her eyes and leaned into his touch.

Heero finally closed the distance between them, pressing their foreheads together. Relena took in a deep inhale, breathing in the woodsy scents of his body wash and aftershave. Scents that had taken weeks to wash out of their bedding, that she missed as soon as they were gone. She opened her eyes again so that she could look deeply into his, and was instantly drawn in to the midnight-colored depths that continued to haunt her dreams. Heero's eyes were still swirling with emotion as he cupped her face.

"Relena…" he murmured, his lips torturously close to hers. "I'm sorry. I…"

Relena shook her head, briefly severing their contact. "No," she whispered. "No more apologies. Not right now." Relena moved her hands from Heero's chest to the sides of his face, holding him in place. "I love you, Heero."

His eyes widened, and Relena stood on tiptoe to kiss him.

And, as was all too common in their household, their child chose that very moment to interrupt them.

"You _guyyyyyys_," Ellie wailed from the kitchen entryway. "What about the movie?"

Relena paused, her hands still holding Heero's face, both of his now gripping her waist. His solemn expression relaxed as his eyes flitted over to Ellie.

"Sorry, Ells, we were just–"

"Kissing?" Ellie heaved a dramatic sigh. "Don't let me stop you. Just hurry up and kiss already so we can get back to the movie, okay?"

Relena and Heero looked at one another helplessly. "You heard the girl," Relena teased. "Hurry up and kiss me already."

Heero quirked a brow but otherwise obeyed, brushing his lips against Relena's in the barest, briefest of kisses. It was almost cruel, really. Relena sighed as they broke apart.

"You'll have to do better than _that _later," she teased. Heero shrugged and gave her a faint smile as they left the kitchen and returned to the living room together.

The family of three resumed their previous positions on the couch. But this time, Relena kept one hand on her cup of tea, while the other drew lazy circles on Heero's forearm until his hand seized hers, and they twined their fingers together.

* * *

_A/N: Hey, friends! Sorry it's taken a minute to update this story, but I've had to take a few detours to work on other things. It's nice to be back in business, although it seems things are about to hit the fan... I'm not exactly dying to get to the next part, but this story has to end some day, right? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the latest installment! More to come soon, I hope..._

_Hugs! _

_\- RFP_


	22. If I Have To

**Chapter Twenty-Two: If I Have To**

_I'm gonna break things_

_I'm gonna cross the line_

_And make you wake up_

_'Cause you won't_

_I'm gonna name names,_

_I'm gonna call us out_

_I'm gonna say it_

_If you won't_

_'Cause do I love you_

_Oh, I do_

_And I'm going to 'til I'm gone_

_But if you think that I can stay in this_

_Same old, same old_

_Well, I don't_

_Oh I don't wanna fight_

_But I'll fight with you_

_If I have to, If I have to..._

Heero's thoughts and emotions were a jumbled mess as he followed Relena into their bedroom, after they'd both tucked Ellie in for the night. Something they hadn't done in quite a while, as their daughter had started insisting some time ago that she was too old for that. But tonight, after they finished watching her movie, Ellie had practically begged them to tuck her in together. Relena was all smiles as they left Ellie's room, extending her hand to Heero. He took it and returned the squeeze she gave him.

He knew what was coming, and if he could just silence his racing thoughts for the time being, he could just relax and enjoy the rest of the night with his wife. But Heero knew that wasn't going to happen. They needed to talk, and after they did, he'd be counting down the seconds to when Relena was going to throw him out again.

Part of Heero still held out hope, though, that Relena would be willing to hear his side and decide to forgive him. She had told him she loved him, after all; anything was possible.

At this point, things could go either way. Heero braced himself for whatever might lie ahead.

Relena was still smiling as she shut the bedroom door and leaned her back against it, facing Heero.

"So," she said, her eyes gleaming up at him. "I'd say today went exceptionally well. Wouldn't you?"

"So… you're happy, then?" Heero asked, keeping a respectable distance between them. Just in case his wife decided she wanted to start throwing things at him again.

Relena shrugged one shoulder. "Ellie's happy, so I'm happy." Her permanent smile suggested that she was happy enough all on her own, though.

And at that, she moved away from the door and sauntered over to Heero, placing both her hands on his chest. "Now how about that kiss you owe me?" Her eyes danced up at him. Heero brought his hands up to meet hers.

"What made you change your mind?" he asked, grasping her hands in his. Relena's smile softened.

"Well… I've had a lot of time to think, Heero."

"Since last night?" Between now and then, there had been a marked change. If Heero hadn't screwed up in a major way, he might have attributed Relena's rapidly-shifting emotional state to just mood swings, but in this case he did feel that he was responsible. Even if it was all just some massive misunderstanding. At least he still hoped that was all it was.

Relena bit her lower lip. "Last night, I… was a little high strung." She laughed lightly, lowering her eyes. "I really didn't mean to freak out at you. It was just like everything was so pent up, for so long…"

"I understand," Heero murmured, rubbing his thumbs over the back of her hands. Her skin was so soft and smooth, still, like it was when they were just teenagers. She looked back up at him, her eyes and lips moist. Heero's gaze immediately dropped to her tantalizing mouth… God, how he wanted to kiss her, and then some. It was difficult to think of little else.

But Relena dropped his hands and stepped out of their embrace. Heero followed after her like a lost dog, wondering if she wanted the same thing.

She sat down on the edge of the king-sized bed and looked up at Heero expectantly. He dropped down beside her, and Relena tucked her legs up underneath her. They sat on top of the patterned throw blanket at the end of the bed, and Relena began twisting the fringed edges between her fingers.

"Seeing you with Ellie today… I realized how wrong it was for me to keep you from her all this time," Relena murmured. She took in a deep breath, and turned to face him. Her eyes were still damp. "I'm really sorry, Heero."

He inched closer to her, taking her hands in his. "It's all right. You did what you thought you needed to at the time."

Relena shook her head fiercely. "No, it's not all right. I shouldn't have let my feelings toward you get in the way of your relationship with Ellie. I should have let you continue to parent her. It's just…" She dropped her gaze again. "I was afraid."

"Of what?" Heero prompted her.

"That we'd have to admit to Ellie that we were having problems. And then we might have really been on our way to divorce. I guess… I didn't want to admit that everything we'd worked so hard for could all come crashing down, just like that."

Heero frowned, processing all of this as he continued to hold her hands in his. "You seemed... like you wanted to proceed right to a divorce, without even trying to work on things."

Relena heaved a deep sigh. "I know. Because I was afraid. There was some part of me that thought it might be easier to just rip off the band-aid, I guess."

Heero sighed as well. "That wouldn't have solved the problem, though."

"No, it wouldn't have." Relena was silent for a moment before taking in another shuddering breath. "You do understand, Heero, why I was so upset with you in the first place?"

He felt a deep, burning sense of shame course through him. "Yeah." He kept his eyes glued on their joined hands. "You thought I cheated on you."

Relena bit her lip. "It's not just that… because of that one time," she added. Heero frowned as she plowed ahead. "I thought it had been happening for a while."

"What?" Heero's brow screwed up. "You thought… what? That I was having an affair?"

Relena nodded. "Uh-huh. I thought, that night you told me what happened… you were lying about it being accidental, because you were just trying to soften the blow. Or alleviate your guilt."

Heero released one of his hands from hers and rubbed it down his face. "I… don't understand. Why would you ever think that?"

"Lots of little things. Shortly after you hired her, you started being... less available." Relena began ticking off on her fingers. "You answered your phone less. Came home later than you'd said you would, smelling of booze… if you even bothered coming home at all."

Heero frowned. "That was because of the stress of my promotion. Nothing else."

Relena shrugged both shoulders. "Well, like I said, it was right around the same time you hired her, so…"

"I hired a bunch of people at the same time," Heero said, his chest tightening as indignation rose inside him. "And she wasn't even my original hire; she was Une's."

"I know," Relena said. "But I convinced myself there had to be something going on. She's just really pretty, and–"

"I hadn't noticed," Heero cut her off gruffly. Relena rolled her eyes.

"Please. You've had an up-close and personal view, at this point."

Heero shook his head, still frowning. "Not exactly. I didn't really have a good look, nor did I want to."

Relena groaned and covered her face with her hands. Heero edged closer and slipped his arm around her. "Sorry…" he started.

Relena lowered her hands to her lap and began twisting them together "No… it's all right. I'm still trying to understand. Why don't you… take me through what happened that night again." Her eyes flared, a determined look crossing her features. "I think I need to know."

Heero nodded slowly. "All right…" He paused to take in a steadying breath. This was the part he'd been dreading. But he needed to just rip off the band-aid, as Relena had said.

And so Heero talked. He told Relena, again, of the night he'd found out one of his newest recruits had passed away, and Heero felt personally responsible.

Heero knew for several weeks that Damian was struggling. The boy was young, in his early twenties, and while he had passed all of his tests with flying colors, it didn't take long for Heero to notice that something was off. Rather than allow Damian to accompany the new team to the Arabian base for more drills, Heero suggested the new Preventer take some time off. The boy had been outraged– more embarrassed than anything else, probably. Heero thought he understood how his trainee felt, but placed him on medical leave regardless, requiring a psychiatric evaluation. Damian had left Heero's office with some choice words, but Heero went back to preparing for the upcoming training mission.

Toward the end of the two-week trip, Heero received the call that Damian had killed himself. The news was a shocking blow. Heero spent several anxious hours wondering how he was going to break the news to the other new recruits, many of whom had been close to Damian.

So Heero found all the booze he could gather from the rec room on the training base campus, and brought several bottles of various hard liquors back to his room. From there, the details evaded him. He knew he drank himself into oblivion. But had he remembered to lock his door? Had he bothered undressing before he crashed into bed? Unfortunately, he couldn't remember any of that.

What he did remember was waking up with a splitting headache… and a woman in his bed. At first, Heero had done a double take when he first rolled over. Because, for a split second, he thought he'd woken up at home, in his own bed, with his wife. But the dark hair peeking over the covers… Heero had immediately launched himself out of bed. And looked down to realize he wasn't wearing his clothes.

His shouting woke Raquel up, and she'd acted mortified, jumping out of bed and gathering up her clothes from the floor– they were strewn about, along with his, much to Heero's horror. She quickly dressed and scurried from his room, leaving Heero to sit, with his head in hands, trying to piece everything together. But he came up empty.

He'd gone straight home from the mission and told Relena everything. And she had reacted much as she was reacting now. Just listening, in utter silence, as Heero unloaded the whole sordid story. He stopped talking for a moment to glance over at her and see how she was taking everything. At least, this time, she'd already heard it all once before.

Just like last time, Relena's expression was eerily calm. Her eyes were focused elsewhere in the room, and she appeared to be in deep thought.

"Okay…" she said slowly. "Well, it certainly sounds like you did _something_."

"I know," Heero murmured. "But I would think I'd remember… something. Anything. And if I'd been sober enough to do anything like that, I wouldn't have." He looked directly at her, willing her to meet his gaze. "You _know_ I wouldn't, Relena. I would never cheat on you."

"I know," she breathed. "But you weren't in the right frame of mind. It's possible you were drunk enough to do something completely out of character… right?" She turned her face to look at him sidelong.

He shook his head rapidly. "No. I know I could never do that to you," he said emphatically. "You have to believe me."

Relena sighed, her eyes cold and distant. "I want to believe you, Heero. I really do. It's just… difficult."

"I know." He reached for her hands, and to his relief she didn't pull away. "I'm sorry for putting you through this."

"I wouldn't say it's entirely your fault." Relena squeezed his hands. "I mean, I wish you'd found some other coping mechanism besides getting yourself blackout drunk… you may have put yourself in a compromising position. But like you said to me before, if the situation were reversed… if I'd had a bad day on a business trip, got drunk in my hotel room by myself, and some guy just showed up and…" Relena's voice trailed off, her eyes glistening. "You would assume I'd been raped. You wouldn't have held me responsible." Relena took in a slow, shaky breath, and turned back to look at Heero fully. "So… I don't know if I can really blame you here, either. On the one hand, it sounds like you may have been taken advantage of, without your knowledge or consent." She squeezed his hands again, more tightly this time. "And I want to believe, in my heart, you would never have given your consent, even if you were that drunk. That you would always remain faithful to me." Her eyes flickered, and she frowned. "It's just… there's this part of me that's always going to doubt, now. I just can't help it."

Heero felt stunned. "What are you saying?"

"I don't know." Relena's shoulders sagged. "I guess… we have a lot to discuss in therapy." She laughed dryly.

Heero wished he could laugh along with her, but he knew the worst was yet to come.

"Relena…" he said slowly, hating himself more with every passing second. "There's... something else."

Her brow furrowed, and she pulled back from him slightly. "What is it?"

Heero ran a hand over his face, willing himself to keep it together. "Raquel just told me… that is… she thinks she's…"

Relena's hands started shaking. Heero tried to hold them steady, even as he felt his world tilting sideways.

Heero drew in a raspy breath. "She claims... that she's pregnant." He squeezed his eyes shut, terrified of seeing his wife's reaction. But he knew he needed to look at her. He forced his eyes back open and turned to face Relena again.

Her face was unreadable, but she blinked. Once. Then again. Then several times.

"What?"

* * *

_A/N: Dear friends, I find myself in a rather somber mood as I return to this story. This year is not starting off the way we thought it would, is it? I hope and pray that wherever you are, you are staying safe and healthy, and staying home, if that's an option. And I hope you enjoy this update, even if it's not exactly bright and sunny... I'll try to bring the fluff back someday; I know we could all use it! In trying times like these, I remind myself that fear, anxiety... they're nothing more than passing clouds. This too shall pass. Love to you all._

_\- RFP_


	23. When Does a Heart Move On

**Chapter Twenty-Three: When Does a Heart Move On**

_One night, two sides_

_For worse, for better_

_Awake, asleep at the same time_

_I'm home, you're gone_

_But I'll leave the light on_

_We both know that you're not coming home_

_We both know that you're not coming home_

_When does a heart move on?_

_Do you know the moment that it's over?_

'_Cause we could drag this on and on_

_Tried to be strong but it's been too long_

_When does a heart move on?_

_Who's wrong, who's right?_

_Who even knows these days?_

_Reasons to leave or stay?_

_And I'm tired, so tired _

_Of holding it together_

_Maybe it's meant to break…_

– _Joy Williams, "When Does a Heart Move On"_

Relena felt a rush of cold sweep over her as she sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the carpet until the greige fibers began to blur together.

"Relena?" Heero was right beside her, still, but his voice sounded far away.

"I must have left a window open…" she murmured, rising from the bed and half-stumbling over to the large picture window. Her head was swimming, and she swayed on her feet. "Oops, got up too fast…"

She felt a hand close around her elbow. "Relena," Heero said with more urgency. "Did you hear what I said?"

Relena ignored him, staring hard at the closed window. "Weird. I could've sworn it was open. It's so cold in here…" Her own voice was a distant echo in her head, like she was speaking into a tunnel.

"Relena." She felt Heero's hands on her shoulders. Cold, clammy. His voice shook slightly. "Relena, please…"

She opened her mouth to speak, but her throat was tight and dry. She shivered, and Heero rubbed her shoulders. But the move did nothing to comfort her or steady her as her entire body began to shake.

"Relena…" Heero pressed in closer. She could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck. "Please. Say something."

Relena didn't know what to say, because she didn't even know what Heero was saying.

Because what he'd said before… it didn't make any sense.

"How…" She shook her head to the side as her eyes filled with water. "How… could this happen?"

"I don't know," Heero rasped. "I don't remember anything. She could be lying…"

Relena snorted, startling herself. And then before she could stop it, laughter bubbled up from her throat. She pressed a hand over her mouth as the tears she'd been holding in finally broke free, soaking her cheeks and hand.

Everything hurt, all at once. An ache pulsed from her core, rocking her entire body. Relena used her free hand to clutch at her abdomen, and sank down to her knees, her legs meeting the plush carpet. Heero was right beside her, hoisting her back up, but Relena pushed his hands away. Heero held them up in front of his chest, a defensive gesture.

"Relena, please… Let me explain…"

She half-laughed, half-sobbed again. "What's there to explain? You've already told me everything you know... right?" She glanced briefly at him over her shoulder without focusing on his face. His face was a soggy blur, anyway.

"I told you everything I can remember," Heero choked out. Relena forced her eyes to focus and studied him for a moment. His face was uncharastically flushed; his blazing blue eyes wild, desperate.

Relena could feel the tension in the space between them, as if they were teetering on the precipice of something monumental. And whatever decision she made from here on out… it would be irrevocable.

Relena held Heero's gaze for a moment before finding words once more. "You're sure?" she whispered.

He nodded. "I'm sorry," he murmured, reaching a hand toward her. "I wish… I could remember more. Then again…"

"Maybe not," Relena finished for him, her words evaporating into a raspy laugh. "Oh, God…" She pressed her fisted hands into her face, kneading her knuckles against her closed eyelids. Her head began to throb with an incessant pounding. "I wish I could just make this all go away," she groaned.

"So do I." Heero's voice was softer, calmer, somehow. She felt his hand rest upon her back again, and he began to caress her in slow, gentle circles. "Believe me, if I could go back…"

"But you can't," Relena said, shrugging off his touch again. Her chest tightened, and she pressed her hand to her throbbing heart. And as the reality of their situation sunk in – really sunk in – something squeezed her chest, and she felt as if she were drowning. She gasped in an attempt to take in a deep inhale, but her breath caught on a sob.

She turned and looked back at Heero, her heart aching more at the look on his face, his features twisted in agony that must have mirrored her own.

"This wasn't supposed to be part of our story," she whispered.

Heero's brows knit together. "It doesn't have to be." And then Relena listened, numb, as Heero began to reiterate that Raquel could be fabricating her pregnancy. Or, if she even was pregnant, there was still a strong chance that the baby wasn't Heero's.

"But why would she lie?" Relena cut in after a moment. "What reason could she possibly have to just… make up something like this?"

"I don't know," Heero said, his eyes narrowing. "Could be anything. Maybe she wants something from me. Or us."

"Like what?" Relena threw up her hands. "She'd have to be insane to try to have a baby with a married man! You especially," she added, jabbing her pointer finger at Heero's chest.

He nodded his agreement. "I know. It doesn't make any sense."

"Nor does the idea of her just… I don't know. Hopping on your erect penis while you were asleep?" Relena spat.

Heero lowered his gaze, rubbing a hand over his face. "Yeah… Again, I don't see how she could have managed something like that. I would've woken up for sure. And put a stop to it," he added more firmly, his eyes narrowing.

Relena sighed and pressed the bridge of her nose. "Ten years we've been married, and I've never even _tried_ anything like that."

To her surprise, Heero's lips tugged upward. "You know I wouldn't mind if you did…"

Relena tightened her eyes into a glare. "Now's hardly the time to discuss such a thing."

Heero shrugged. "You brought it up."

"I'm just trying to understand this impossible situation!" Relena practically shouted. She immediately clamped a hand over her mouth, hoping her outburst didn't wake Ellie.

Heero reached for her hand as she lowered it, and meshed their fingers together. Relena looked back up at him. His eyes were pleading with her.

"I'm sorry," he said for what must have been the thousandth time since they'd started talking again. "No matter what, I'm going to get to the bottom of this." He squeezed her hand. "I promise you."

"And then what?" Relena shifted her gaze back to the floor. "What if… she really is pregnant? And it's yours?"

Heero shook his head to the side. "I don't even want to go there. Let's just assume she's lying until proven otherwise."

"So… what, you're going to ask for a paternity test?"

"I already have."

"Good," Relena breathed.

They sat together on the carpet for a few minutes, silence falling between them, their hands still entwined. The room was so quiet, Relena could hear her own heartbeat in her ears; maybe Heero's as well.

"We do have to consider the worst case scenario," Relena sighed after a beat. She glanced up at Heero through her eyelashes. "Then what will you do? You need to have a plan."

Heero frowned. "I guess… I'd send her child support." He looked as if that was the last thing he wanted to do, though.

"That's it?" Relena pressed.

His brows lifted. "What do you mean, that's it?"

"I mean, this could be _your_ child, Heero." Relena shifted in her seat. "How could you not get involved?"

"I don't want to be involved," he groused.

"Well, then you'd be no better than _your_ father," Relena said hotly. "Surely, you'd want to be a presence in your child's life…"

"I don't think so." He shook his head, his eyes burning. "Better to stay out of it as much as possible."

Relena frowned right back at him. "But what if this whole thing gets out?"

"We'll have to make sure that never happens." His eyes glinted in determination.

"These things do happen, though," Relena argued. "You think you can buy Raquel's silence?"

"If money's all she's after, then yeah."

Relena pressed her lips together. "This could _ruin_ us, Heero. Our family… our careers… Everything we've worked for."

"I know." He hung his head, his voice a ragged whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Relena snapped, sitting up on her knees, facing him. "It's not going to do any good. The only thing we can do now is try to get ahead of this as much as possible."

Heero glanced up at her through his long bangs. "How?"

"First," Relena said, "you're going to find out if we even need to be involved."

"We?" The hope in his voice and expression was evident. Relena sighed.

"Yes, we… do you think I'd let you just abandon your child? He or she would be Ellie's sibling, too."

Heero was frowning again. "I never said I'd abandon it…" he started.

"Him or her," Relena corrected. "Or, them."

"Fine. Them," Heero amended, frowning as he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. "I said I'd be willing to pay for support."

"Well, you wouldn't have a choice there. But I'd prefer if we had full custody."

Heero blinked at her. "Are you sure you'd want to do that?"

"I mean…" Relena sucked in a breath. "It would be difficult, knowing the circumstances that brought this whole thing about, but… I'd rather we raise them as our own than have the world thinking you had an affair."

"There's just one problem with that," Heero said, his frown deepening. "Raquel has already said she wants to keep the baby."

"Has she?" Relena snarled. "Well, we'd have to fight her on that, obviously."

"Then this all goes public," Heero said warily.

"Not if we settle out of court."

Heero heaved a sigh. "Yeah…"

"Anyway." Relena let go of Heero's hand and rose to her feet. "First things first. You need to confirm the pregnancy and your paternity. Then we can figure out the rest." She frowned down at him, planting her hands at her hips. "But let's hope that we don't have to."

He gazed up at her unblinkingly. "You're… surprisingly calm about all this."

"Well, I'm too tired to keep being angry," Relena said, shrugging. "It's exhausting."

Heero nodded, then stood up from the floor. "You should get some rest." His eyes searched hers, and Relena immediately sensed the question he was posing.

Should they sleep in the same bed, or not? Her heart wanted to say yes, because she'd missed him so badly. And they were painfully close to reconciling. But her head and heart were still a mess.

"I don't know…" she murmured, answering his unspoken question. His eyes clouded over.

"I'll go sleep downstairs."

"Then Ellie would wonder why we're in separate rooms," Relena said flatly.

"She knows you've been sick," Heero pointed out.

Relena huffed a laugh. "Since when has that ever stopped us? I don't think we've ever slept apart, except…" Her voice caught, and she turned her face away from him.

Heero caught her chin between his forefinger and thumb, bringing her face close to his. Relena forced herself to look at him. His deep blue eyes were brimming with tears.

"Believe me, Relena, if I had it my way, we'd never spend a night apart. Never again." His voice broke on the last word, and a single tear made its way down his cheek. Relena gasped as her own tears betrayed her.

She tore herself from his grasp.

"I can't… do this right now," she rasped. She stumbled away from Heero, toward the bedroom door. "I have to go."

"Where?" he demanded from behind her.

"I don't know. Out."

"This time of night?" His voice rose ever so slightly, his tone wrought with anxiety. "Relena…"

She ignored him and opened the door into the hallway, heading for the stairs. Of course, he followed right after her, but she kept going, down the stairs and into the foyer, where she rummaged in the coat closet for her wool coat, purse, and flat shearling boots. She yanked everything on over her loungewear, knowing she'd look awfully silly going out – wherever she was going – but she didn't care. Anyway, she didn't plan to leave her car.

"Relena." Heero caught up with her and grabbed her arm, pulling her around to face him. His gaze was fierce. "Please don't go."

Relena shook her head at him. "I just need to take a drive. Clear my head."

"You're calling Reginald?" He frowned at her. "This late?"

"No; I'll take my car."

Heero's brow furrowed. "Relena, you hardly ever drive yourself. Especially at night."

"I'll be fine." She looked pointedly at where he held on to her arm. "Just let me go, Heero."

He glared at her for a long moment before yielding and dropping his hold. "All right." A muscle feathered in his jaw. "Just… Please." His eyes were pleading with her just as much. "Be careful, all right?"

Relena could hardly believe her ears. "You mean… you're letting me go?"

"I don't see what choice I have." His jaw clenched and unclenched again. "One of us has to stay with Ellie."

"Right," Relena breathed, still skeptical he was about to watch her take off in the middle of the night and _not _come after her. She tilted her head to the side as she peered up at him. "Promise me you'll stay put, then."

He held up both his hands, as if he were surrendering. "Promise."

Relena arched a brow, still not believing him entirely. "All right, then." She shuffled out of the foyer and into the adjoining hallway that led to the garage. She threw a glance over her shoulder when she realized that, this time, Heero wasn't following her, although his eyes trailed her every movement.

"Relena." She stilled her steps, just for a moment.

"Yes?" she sighed.

"I love you." Heero gazed steadily at her, those ocean-colored eyes of his gleaming with eternal warmth. It was such a familiar, intimate expression she knew he reserved for only her. Relena took in a deep, ragged breath as she considered her next words.

"I love you, too," she whispered, lowering her eyes. "That's why this hurts so much."

And then she opened the door to the garage and swept out of the house, before her husband and that yearning expression of his could convince her to stay.

* * *

_A/N: Hi friends, I hope wherever you are, you're staying safe and healthy! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read and review the last chapter. Also, special thanks to Wings Landing for beta reading this latest chapter and helping me brainstorm! There is still a bit more to come... in the meantime, please stay sane, everyone!_

_Lots of love and socially distant hugs!_

_\- RFP_


	24. Birds of a Feather

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Birds of a Feather**

_Where she walks, no flowers bloom_

_He's the one I see right through_

_She's the absinthe on my lips_

_The splinter in my fingertips_

_But who could do without you?_

_Who could do without you?_

_\- The Civil Wars, "Birds of a Feather"_

Heero checked his phone again. It had only been thirty minutes.

Thirty minutes since Relena left the house without a word of where she was going, or when she'd be back. And all Heero could do was sit around at home and wait and worry, since he wasn't able to go with her; not with their ten-year-old daughter sound asleep in her room.

He understood why Relena was upset, and why she needed some time alone to sort out her thoughts, but he hated the feeling of helplessness roiling in his gut. Not to mention guilt…he was anguished, knowing that she was traumatized, knowing that it was all his fault. Well, that remained to be seen, but he couldn't help but feel responsible for everything.

If only he could get some answers, so that life could go back to normal. But until then, there was little he could do in the meantime. Except for getting drunk, but Heero knew that wasn't going to really help matters. Even if getting sloshed would provide some temporary relief, it wouldn't be worth the argument that would surely arise once Relena got home. And anyway, did he really want to be the guy who sat around and drank away his sorrows, while his kid was in the house?

Heero sighed and splayed his fingers through his hair, then stood up from his desk chair. He'd thought he might be able to get some work done while Relena was out, but he was too distracted by his wayward thoughts. Thoughts all filled with her.

He ambled out of his study, his mouth watering as he thought of the well-stocked liquor cabinet in the nearby dining room. Relena always kept it full of expensive libations for dinner parties and other special occasions, but Heero was determined to forget all about the choice bourbons, gins, and other quality booze lining the shelves. Instead, he pivoted to the right and strode purposefully toward the basement stairs. He took them two at a time until he reached their home gym.

He approached his favorite weight machine and prepared to get to work, needing to keep his mind and body occupied. But even after several reps, Heero's thoughts still plagued him. All he could think about were all the times he and Relena had worked out in there together...

His chest clenched as he replaced the weights and stood up from the machine. Relena was out there somewhere, driving around in the dark, alone, and he couldn't go to her. He needed to make sure she was safe.

He reached into his pocket and retrieved his phone, knowing full well she wouldn't want him to call, but… he could do the next best thing.

Heero punched in the familiar number, pressed the phone to his ear, and waited.

* * *

Relena had been mistaken.

She thought she'd gotten to the point where she couldn't shed another tear for her disintegrating marriage, but she'd proven herself wrong. Again.

She'd been crying and driving aimlessly around the outskirts of Brussels for the better part of an hour, listening to the saddest playlist her satellite radio station could provide her, when her car's console lit up with an incoming call.

"_Call from… Trowa Barton."_

Relena stopped sobbing long enough to sigh. "What now?"

"_Call from… Trowa Barton."_

"All right, fine," Relena groaned. "Accept call."

"What are you doing so close to the spaceport?" Trowa asked without preamble. "Going somewhere?"

"Tracking my location, are you?" Relena rolled her eyes even though her friend and bodyguard could not see the gesture.

"Just doing my job."

"Well, trust if I were planning to leave the area, you'd have known about it."

"You've been known to make the odd unscheduled trip."

"What is this really about, Trowa?" Relena cut in, her impatience mounting by the second. "I'm in no mood to chit-chat."

"You think that's why I'm calling? I'm merely ensuring you're not kidnapped, or dead."

"Ha-_ha_."

"Your security is no laughing matter."

"You sound just like my ex."

"So he's your ex again?"

"It seems you _did _call just to chat," Relena snapped. "And I told you, I'm not in the mood." She had half a mind to hang up right then and there, but something made her stay on the line, against her better judgment. When Trowa didn't immediately respond with a witty retort, she sighed. "I'm sorry. You know it's not you I'm upset with."

"I know. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But for the record, he's the reason I'm calling."

"Why?"

"He asked me to check on you."

"Of course he did," Relena huffed. "He knew I wouldn't answer if he called."

"Are you so sure you wouldn't?"

"I'm not entirely sure of anything any more," she admitted. "So where are you?"

To her surprise, Trowa chuckled. "You'll never guess."

"No, and since I don't have the privilege of tracking _your_ every move, I honestly have no idea."

Trowa paused before making the revelation. "At Heero's place, believe it or not."

Relena sputtered a cough. "What? Why? Are you doing him another favor?"

"Duo," Trowa explained. "He invited me over to catch up."

"Oh… I forgot he was staying with Heero." Relena pursed her lips. "Mind if I join you?"

"I don't mind at all. It's your _ex _who may have an issue with it," Trowa said. "But I'm sure Duo will be happy to see you."

"_And_ you," Relena teased.

"I already know he's happy to see me," Trowa added wryly.

"Don't ever change, Barton." Relena shook her head, smiling for the first time in what felt like days. "I'll be right over. I assume there's wine."

"Only whiskey, I'm afraid."

"I'll order something, then. What's the address?"

"You mean you don't know?" Trowa asked. "Never mind. Of course you don't."

"Of course not," Relena snipped. "This is Heero we're talking about."

"Right…"

After Trowa provided the address, Relena disconnected the call and entered Heero's address into her navigation system. This was an unexpected turn of events, but a welcome one. After the night she'd had, she could use some quality time with old friends- mutual friends of hers and Heero's, who perhaps could help her make some sense out of the mess they've made.

Or, at the very least, help her forget for a while.

But Relena underestimated her ability to do just that.

Once she pulled up to the dark, dilapidated-looking apartment building in a side of town Heero would never stoop to take her to, it was all Relena could do to hold on to what remained of her composure. Of course she hadn't expected Heero to go out and rent himself some luxurious penthouse suite, but she'd have hoped he would have landed somewhere halfway decent, at least. But no, even after all these years, Heero still didn't hold himself in high regard, and his choice of living space only proved it.

Relena exited her vehicle on high alert, clutching her keys between her knuckles, easing her grip when she saw Trowa approaching her in the dimly-lit parking lot. He'd told her on the phone earlier that he would meet her outside - it wasn't safe for her to wander alone - and he hadn't been kidding.

"The wine and desserts you ordered arrived just before you did," Trowa informed her as he led her to the brick building's entrance. "But I must warn you, Duo's already polished off half the pastries."

"I anticipated that, which is why I ordered so many," Relena said with a smile, looping her arm through Trowa's.

Inside Heero's apartment, Relena was greeted with a massive bear hug from Duo, and then she took her own little tour of the small, modest space. She was partially relieved to see it wasn't as ramshackle as she feared, although it was still nothing to write home about. But it was clean and tidy, and had a few pieces of furniture, at least.

Relena perched on the garish orange couch next to Trowa while Duo sprawled out on the floor next to the coffee table, devoting himself to the box of pastries Relena had ordered from a downtown patisserie that catered to the late-night crowd.

"So," Duo said between mouthfuls, "not to pry open doors, but may I ask what brings you here this time of night? I thought you and Heero were patching things up…"

Relena sighed and turned her attention to the wine bottle she had yet to open. "Can I answer that later, after a few glasses of this?"

"Sure thing," Duo said breezily, continuing to chomp away at his treat. "We can get this guy to spill his guts about _his_ love life instead."

"You can try," Trowa said, nonchalantly sipping his whiskey.

"Come _onnnn,_ I'm a boring old married fart," Duo whined. "Indulge me."

Relena smiled and poured herself a generous glass of chardonnay. "Do tell, Trowa. I could use the distraction."

Trowa shrugged. "There's nothing to tell."

"Yeah, right, Casanova," Duo teased.

"More like Don Juan," Relena said.

"More like 'none of your business,'" said Trowa, his eyes gleaming.

"Come on man, just tell us who you've been seeing lately and we'll shut up," Duo prodded.

"Ooh, you _have_ been seeing someone?" Relena turned to face Trowa. "Now I'm intrigued. Who is it?"

"No one," Trowa said tersely.

"Male or female?" Duo smirked. "Or non-binary?"

Trowa rolled his eyes. "I'm still not answering."

"Fine," Duo sighed, twisting back around to face Relena. "If he won't talk, you've gotta tell me, Lena…what's going on with you and Heero, huh?" His brows knit together. "He won't tell me shit and it's driving me crazy."

Relena twisted the stem of her glass in her fingers. "What _has_ he told you?"

"Not much, other than you're separated, which is obvious anyway. Who else knows?"

"Just the two of you, my brother and Noin. Well, Une and Sally, too," Relena admitted. "So that means Wufei too, probably."

"And Quatre," Trowa said. Relena glared at him.

"You told Quatre?"

Trowa shook his head once. "He figured it out on his own. He's very intuitive, you know."

"Great," Relena sighed. "So, everyone in our immediate circle knows, but that's it. I hope. If this gets out…" She let her voice trail off and took a long, slow sip of her wine, letting the fruity effervescence dance on her tongue.

"It won't," Trowa said.

"Yeah, we'll kill anyone who leaks," Duo added, waggling his brows.

Relena leaned over and punched his shoulder playfully. "Why thank you, Lord of Death."

"_God_ of Death," he corrected her. He reached for the rectangular-shaped bottle of amber liquid on the table and topped off his glass. "Now, if you don't mind my asking, why is Heero over at your place while you're here?"

Relena refreshed her own glass before answering. "We had another fight."

Before she knew what was happening, the whole sordid story tumbled out. Relena did her best to skim over the details, and left Raquel's name out of it, but otherwise everything she and Heero had discussed that night was out in the open.

For a moment after Relena finished telling the story and wiping away a fresh bout of tears, neither Duo nor Trowa spoke a word. Trowa's face was impassive while Duo looked shell-shocked.

"Shit." Duo ran a hand through his long hair. "I knew it was bad, but I didn't know it was _that_ bad."

"Yeah." Relena sniffled.

"I'm sorry, Princess." Duo took her hand in his and squeezed tightly. "You want me to beat his ass into oblivion?"

Relena laughed drily. "No...but you can tell me whether you believe him or not. Is what he's saying even plausible?"

"What, that a girl could take advantage of a guy in his sleep?" Duo broke into a lopsided grin. "Speaking from personal experience, a woman _can_ help herself to a guy's - _ahem_ \- member while he's sleeping. It's happened to me a few times."

Relena gasped. "How awful!"

Duo laughed. "I mean, it was with my wife, so…"

"Maybe he was drugged," Trowa interjected.

"We discussed that. Heero said he would know if he had been. He was 'blackout drunk,' in his words," Relena said.

"Well, you wanna know if it's possible? The answer is, yes it's possible," Duo said candidly.

"But wouldn't that have woken him up?" Relena asked, leaning forward in her seat.

"Well, yeah! Wakes me up every time."

"See? He says he can't remember _anything_. This whole thing is suspicious." Relena reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose. "I don't know what to think, or what to do about any of this."

"Maybe you should ask the other woman," Trowa murmured. "There are always two sides to every story."

Relena's head began to pound. "I hate that idea, but you're right. I should talk to her, get her side."

"This girl's a Preventer, right?" Duo rubbed his chin. "We'll track her down, and-"

Relena blinked at him. "When did I say anything about the Preventers?"

"Well, this obviously happened on a mission," he replied.

"Arabia, from the timing of it," Trowa added.

Relena gaped at the both of them. "Promise me you two will not go digging into this! And anyway, I already know who she is."

"Who?" Duo pressed. Trowa threw him a dark look. "What? You know we'll figure it out sooner or later, since we work with her. And if she really is pregnant…"

Relena sighed and turned back to Trowa, only to see that his face was ashen. "Trowa? Are you feeling all right?"

"Can't hold his liquor," Duo teased.

Trowa stood and quickly gathered up his things. "Sorry, I've got to go."

He swept out of the apartment without another word.

* * *

_A/N: Well, well, well! It's been a minute. How are you, fam? I've missed this community so much, although I have been somewhat active on GW Discord servers here and there over the past several months, and even have a couple of my own, so drop me a line if you want details! And of course, please let me know what you think about this turn of events! I promise you, despite the craziness of this year, I haven't forgotten about this story or lost my love for these characters. I hope wherever you are, you are staying safe and healthy and sane in these trying times. I'll do my best to help with the latter :)_

_Thank you to my bud Kuroi Uma for poking me to update this story! Most of us writers need a little nudge here and there, and it is always appreciated. I'm glad this story seems to resonate with many of you and hope you will stick around for the eventual conclusion. Thank you for reading and reviewing!_

_Hugs & Heero!_

_\- RFP_


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